Page 1 of 2 [ 30 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Graceling
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 24 Aug 2017
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 44
Location: Shreveport, LA, USA

09 Sep 2017, 9:11 am

This might sound weird, but I'm terrified of Facebook and social media in general. I have a Facebook account, and I have some family/friends who are very active on it, so I get notifications, but every time I see one, I get a rush of panic. Sometimes to the point of actual anxiety attacks. I delete them immediately without logging in. I *can't* use it. I've never been sure about why; prior to my AS diagnosis, I called it social anxiety that extended online.

I'd kind of like to be more active on Facebook, and other social media, just for the sake of being able to socialize in some way. But if I overcome the initial fear and get a little better at it, then people will expect me to be as good/constant at it as "normal people", and that's just another thing I'll have to live up to or be thought a failure at being a person - and that feeling was exactly what I got rid of when I got diagnosed.

Anyone have any similar experiences or any thoughts on how to deal with this?



SplendidSnail
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2017
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 875
Location: Canada

09 Sep 2017, 9:38 am

I exist on Facebook, but the account is locked down all the way, I have zero friends on it, and I haven't logged on to the account for a few years. For all intents and purposes, I don't exist there.

Am I scared of it? Probably not, but I think there is probably a bit of not wanting to have a public "friends list" that is visible to friends, not wanting to have everything I share with one friend being visible to all friends, not wanting to deal with that kind of complexities. Easier to just not use it at all.


_________________
Level 1 Autism Spectrum Disorder / Asperger's Syndrome.


SaveFerris
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 3 Sep 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,177
Location: UK

09 Sep 2017, 9:46 am

Graceling wrote:

Anyone have any similar experiences or any thoughts on how to deal with this?


I'm not afraid of social media but it can definitely induce intrusive thoughts when I'm feeling low or anxious.

I don't know the best solution for you but maybe you need to stay away from Facebook until you can address where your anxiety stems from and if you can learn coping mechanisms to make it easier to use. Facebook is just a huge time suck anyway although it is useful to keep in touch with certain people if necessary. You could even turn off all your notifications so you don't even know it's there when you don't use it.


_________________
R Tape loading error, 0:1

Hypocrisy is the greatest luxury. Raise the double standard


Dear_one
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 70
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,778
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines

09 Sep 2017, 9:56 am

Using Facebook is like having the world's worst mailman. He may or may not deliver your messages, but he reads and keeps a copy of everything, in hopes of selling the information or charging more for the junk mail he delivers. Musings that you shared with one trusted friend on a bad day can re-surface later and ruin a job application without your knowledge. On average, Facebook users are less happy than others, so I just treat them as emigrants, and try to stay in touch a bit with email. The listservs were the apex of utility, IMHO.
I'll consider using social media when the algorithms are open-source and the ownership cooperative. It would also be a lot more AS-friendly with a glossary. If I'm going to call an acquaintance a "friend" I have to be told specifically that the term has been degraded for use on-site.



SaveFerris
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 3 Sep 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,177
Location: UK

09 Sep 2017, 10:20 am

Dear_one wrote:
If I'm going to call an acquaintance a "friend" I have to be told specifically that the term has been degraded for use on-site.


Yep , I have many friends on facebook but they are actually family and acquaintances or friends of family members. There is no one on facebook that I would truly call a friend except for my GF.
It's just a tool for me to remember family birthdays and watching funny videos. It's also useful for keeping in touch with your family without being social - i.e 'like' a photo to show that you acknowledge their virtual presence :roll:


_________________
R Tape loading error, 0:1

Hypocrisy is the greatest luxury. Raise the double standard


htfu
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 19 Jan 2017
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 33

09 Sep 2017, 10:30 am

not really afraid, more like super wary of them. no social media accounts, don't trust the people who run them and i'm a grumpy, reclusive git. they just remind me of a playground popularity contest and i want nothing to do with it. i'll go do more interesting things ...



Graceling
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 24 Aug 2017
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 44
Location: Shreveport, LA, USA

09 Sep 2017, 10:32 am

SaveFerris wrote:
It's also useful for keeping in touch with your family without being social - i.e 'like' a photo to show that you acknowledge their virtual presence :roll:


See, that's mostly what I would really like to do. My family is scattered across the country and we don't talk much, everybody just goes thru Facebook. I'm the only outlier, so I don't hear about things. But I can't even manage that much.

As to finding out where the anxiety comes from, I don't know how to bring this up with my therapist, because I don't know how to explain it. Plus, even after the diagnosis, said therapist insists on talking to me like an NT, and putting words into my mouth. I spend half my sessions with her interrupting me and me telling her "no, that's not it".



Dear_one
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 70
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,778
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines

09 Sep 2017, 10:35 am

Graceling wrote:

As to finding out where the anxiety comes from, I don't know how to bring this up with my therapist, because I don't know how to explain it. Plus, even after the diagnosis, said therapist insists on talking to me like an NT, and putting words into my mouth. I spend half my sessions with her interrupting me and me telling her "no, that's not it".


That does not sound like a therapeutic relationship to me. You should probably shop around for someone who understands more about "it."



Magpie_01
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 23 Aug 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 43
Location: Europe

09 Sep 2017, 10:36 am

I'm not on facebook. I feel you, though -- I find facebook (and other social media such as twitter or instagram) overwhelming. There's just so much stuff to look at, read through, like, share, and comment on .. it's all too much. So I rather stay on the outskirts and watch.


_________________
Diagnoses: Asperger's Syndrome, Epilepsy


SaveFerris
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 3 Sep 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,177
Location: UK

09 Sep 2017, 10:51 am

Graceling wrote:
SaveFerris wrote:
It's also useful for keeping in touch with your family without being social - i.e 'like' a photo to show that you acknowledge their virtual presence :roll:


See, that's mostly what I would really like to do. My family is scattered across the country and we don't talk much, everybody just goes thru Facebook. I'm the only outlier, so I don't hear about things. But I can't even manage that much.

As to finding out where the anxiety comes from, I don't know how to bring this up with my therapist, because I don't know how to explain it. Plus, even after the diagnosis, said therapist insists on talking to me like an NT, and putting words into my mouth. I spend half my sessions with her interrupting me and me telling her "no, that's not it".


As for bringing it up with your therapist , I think your OP would definitely be a great start.

The whole talking to you like an 'NT' is something I cannot even grasp as I don't know if I am NT or ND and wouldn't know if someone was talking to me like an NT or not :roll: . I don't know if the approach is different for NT's or ND's regarding certain problems so can't offer any useful advice , sorry.
The two sentences you have written about your therapist suggest she may not be the right therapist for you - just my opinion and I may be reading too much into your words.


_________________
R Tape loading error, 0:1

Hypocrisy is the greatest luxury. Raise the double standard


Graceling
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 24 Aug 2017
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 44
Location: Shreveport, LA, USA

09 Sep 2017, 11:00 am

I meant that she talks to me as if I were a "normal person". She expects me to have certain (usually very shallow) thoughts and feelings that most ordinary people would/might have, and when I tell her she's wrong, she gets very confused, like I've interrupted her groove or something.



SaveFerris
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 3 Sep 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,177
Location: UK

09 Sep 2017, 11:06 am

Graceling wrote:
I meant that she talks to me as if I were a "normal person". She expects me to have certain (usually very shallow) thoughts and feelings that most ordinary people would/might have, and when I tell her she's wrong, she gets very confused, like I've interrupted her groove or something.


I get that with my therapist , sometimes I say things and he looks at me as if I have stupefied him , he also laughs at some my comments which I am deadly serious about. I am still hopeful that he can do a decent job and will give him the benefit of the doubt on many things as he is my first therapist.


_________________
R Tape loading error, 0:1

Hypocrisy is the greatest luxury. Raise the double standard


Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 16,567
Location: Maidstone, UK

09 Sep 2017, 11:42 am

I'm on Facebook, and I'm not scared of it. In fact I don't have much social anxiety online. I get excited when I receive a notification (but then get disappointed if it's an invitation to a game or a group).


_________________
Female
Aged 29
On antidepressants
Diagnosed with AS, ADHD and anxiety disorder


Graceling
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 24 Aug 2017
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 44
Location: Shreveport, LA, USA

09 Sep 2017, 11:52 am

Joe90, is Facebook a primary form of socialization for you, or do you have people you're comfortable with in person?

I ask because I have a handful of people I'm good with in person, and I'm curious if people on the spectrum tend to choose either face-to-face or online, instead of both. Maybe I'm just not good online.



arandomguy46
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 9 Sep 2017
Age: 16
Gender: Male
Posts: 56
Location: South Carolina

09 Sep 2017, 7:12 pm

I have an old twitter that hasn't been used since April. On social media whenever I get a notification I am ALWAYS tempted to click on it and respond to it.


_________________
I know what I like in your wardrobe.