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ladyelaine
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30 Nov 2017, 12:11 pm

I don't like it when I'm having a conversation with someone and another person comes over and interrupts us and takes over the conversation. Have any of you experienced that?



kraftiekortie
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30 Nov 2017, 12:26 pm

Yep....all the time.

Mostly "normal" people, not Aspies.

Even though Aspies are supposed to be the ones who don't know the "rules" of conversation.....



TheAP
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30 Nov 2017, 12:34 pm

Probably. I've also experienced it where I'm talking to someone and they suddenly see someone else they know and say hi, interrupting me.



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30 Nov 2017, 1:18 pm

Constantly. I find it really difficult to get in a word, especially when having a debate. My personality get bulldozed over pretty easily, even though most people who know me in real life would describe me as a hardass.


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TheSilentOne
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30 Nov 2017, 1:43 pm

I was just thinking about this the other day. It happens to me a lot. Also, I don't like when I am trying to talk and people just start talking over me, like I don't even exist.


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30 Nov 2017, 2:17 pm

I don't really say much so I can't remember a time when it's happened.

I think I might have seen it happen though and I'll certainly look out for it in future.


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Dear_one
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30 Nov 2017, 3:07 pm

This is a structural problem. Interruptions are sometimes essential due to schedule conflicts. Even my own thoughts are constantly interrupted by other thoughts. The more people involved, the more potential for overriding a program.



HistoryGal
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30 Nov 2017, 3:37 pm

I usually find a tactful way to handle the rude interrupter by saying, "we're in the middle of an important conversation. Could you please wait here for a couple of minutes "

Other times I just walk away depending on how important the conversation is to me.

If it happens too often with a particular person, I no longer converse with them. I have no patience for persistent rude behavior.



ladyelaine
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30 Nov 2017, 7:33 pm

I know this one lady who always has to say hi to everyone she sees. It makes it difficult to have a conversation with her. Her phone will ring and she will spend forever on the phone instead of telling the other person to call back later.

I also notice how people will look around the room for their cool friends. As soon as the cool friends come along I get ditched.

It is quite ironic how NTs expect us to follow social rules yet they don't.



Esmerelda Weatherwax
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30 Nov 2017, 8:08 pm

I think interrupting is a pecking-order thing. I've come to the conclusion that most rudeness is a nonverbal way for people to establish dominance and hierarchy. This would explain the bristling and overreaction when the person being frozen out or otherwise treated rudely has the guts to protest. It also explains why (some) NTs are rude to one another as well as to NDs, it explains why (some) men are rude to women, (some) adults are rude to children, (some) ethnic and religious groups are hostile to outsiders. (Edit in: it also explains why retaliation is the norm, not the exception, when employees protest abuse, of whatever type, and why such abuse almost never results in serious consequences for the abuser - as in Weinstein, Wieseltier, Louis CK, etc. etc. etc.)

None of that makes it OK, none of that even makes it functional. It's dysfunctional as hell. But if you think of it as ethology (animal behavior, which is true since we are all critters), it may not seem quite so personal. The trick is to find other members of your species who can do "meta" and decide not to play the reindeer games. Easier said than done.


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Dear_one
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30 Nov 2017, 8:21 pm

Good points, folks. I've also noticed conversations where several people were contributing to a thread of common interest, and someone else present throughout, interrupts with completely random observations, being oblivious to the topic.
I've had people completely ignore what I am saying, yet expect replies to their stuff.
I had a very loquacious prospective partner who was sure that he didn't talk more than 75% of the time, until I used a timer and easily clocked him over 90%. Now, I keep an egg timer hour-glass handy, and am quite ready to use it as a time-limiting talking stick if somebody tries to monopolize a conversation here. (A talking stick is a token passed around a circle to designate the proper speaker at any given time. I suppose it started as a club. :-)
The antidote to this distress is a well-chaired meeting. A day or so of training can produce people able to run a meeting in half the time, with everyone present feeling heard, and nobody trying to talk over anyone else. I won't listen to that from anyone.



Esmerelda Weatherwax
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30 Nov 2017, 8:52 pm

^^ Bravo!


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strings
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30 Nov 2017, 9:14 pm

I've never been able to figure out how it is that if a group of people are talking together, there seems to be some kind of hidden understanding which means that some people in the group are able to say what they want to say without interruptions, while others (myself included) are rarely allowed to say more than a few words before somebody else talks over them and they are never allowed to complete a sentence. The people who are "allowed to talk" can even get away with long pauses for dramatic effect while they are speaking, and still no one interrupts them. Is there some kind of a vibe or something that people like me give off, that makes us recognisable as inconsequential people whose attempts to join a conversation can be ignored?



thewho7
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11 Dec 2017, 11:49 am

I hate interrupting, if someone does it at a rude time or keeps doing it multiple times, nowadays I'll just walk away / hang up the phone. If you're not going to respect me, then I won't respect you.

That said, there can be a useful form of interruption - a family member is calling a friend, bathroom break, all sorts of things that I won't give a second thought too. But interruptions because they're basically bored with what you're talking about, or you're not giving your point in a short way like other NT's - rude interruptions are probably the quickest way to get to me to instantly dislike you.



anti_gone
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11 Dec 2017, 12:16 pm

I'm usually the one interrupting...



AceofPens
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11 Dec 2017, 7:40 pm

Three-way conversations are something I've never been able to master. I'll either end up ignoring one person (which is rude) or become all but mute (which is awkward), and so I avoid them. I do see their value, though. I'd love to be able to talk to more than one person at a time; it sounds like fun. That said, I just can't seem to grasp the skill, unless I'm speaking with people I know very well. It makes for some uncomfortable conversations, but I don't think the interjector means to put me off balance in a conversation. With extroverts, but not necessarily NT's in general, I can imagine that it never occurs to them that I might not be able to function in this mode and assert myself as they can. It's their own kind of social blindness, in a way. I can forgive them for it if they'll forgive the slip-ups my bluntness causes.


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