How to have 2-sided conversations

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Hi. So I haven't been here for a long time, but things have changed. I'm in a new city and under more stress.

But the main thing about this is how does one remember to have two-sided conversations? For me, I always remember when i first am getting to know someone, as I have learned that people like to talk about themselves, so when I want to be acquainted with someone, I will keep asking them questions about themselves, and not worry about me, because I want the relationship to go well. But once I am in the relationship, I tend to forget all these rules, because we're friends, and friends don't break that easily.

It was just brought to my attention today that one of my friends feels one-sided because I tend to only talk about myself, which I don't deny. I get wrapped up in my thoughts, and forget how to socialize, to be honest. So, how do you keep remembering and making sure you aren't taking up the whole conversation? This friend I don't really see in person anymore, so our conversations are by phone, so I can't say it's how they look or that. And, I have a hard time hearing people talk on the phone, so I can't always make out pitch, and I don't normally focus on this because I tend to focus on myself. My friend would always keep asking me questions about my scenario, so I would respond, not thinking that they want to talk to. What do I do?

Now, I feel really bad about it, since I know I struggle with, and I don't want to lose another friend. I don't have many friends. Most of my friendships tend to be failures, and I don't know why. I would know why it's this one for me though. They understand that I have autism, but it's easier said than done, right? I just want to be a better friend. I don't want to see bad because of my tangents on personal life struggles or talking about what i do every day. I mean, I would like that, but it's not practical and socially inappropriate.

Sorry, I am quite stressed about this. I do care about this friend, and it would hurt me a lot if I didn't try to make myself more socially acceptable. Thanks.

I'd say a rule would be to talk about 2-3 sentences and reciprocate socially by asking about them or ask them to elaborate something.

People do not want a whole wikipedia article response if they ask you something. Generally people will ask if they want to know more, and even then they could just be polite and aren't really interested. (If they are, they will probably give you their email address/facebook/linkedin to get to know more).

At social occasions/after work, a 30 second presentation about who you are and what you do is sufficient (i learned this today from my career coach).

Found a good video on the subject:

I think a big problem with NT communication is that everyone pawns off responsibility for their social needs onto everyone else.

If your friend wants to talk more, she should just talk more. Obviously there is enough space in the conversation for her to start talking about herself, otherwise she wouldn't be able to ask you any questions about yourself.

Just tell your friend to bring up whatever topic she wants to bring up instead of waiting for you to ask or whatever. I would find it burdensome to try to remember to ask someone questions just because they're expected. Also tell your friend that you have trouble with the phone. Maybe she could express herself a bit more clearly.