When/how is the right time to talk to my son about diagnoses

Post Reply New Topic

My son is 7 and is an amazing, loving boy. He is verbal, autistic (dx'd with PDD-NOS at 3 ["typical moderate Autism"], ADHD at 7 and takes 2x day meds for the ADHD). He is in love with trains, routine, and extremely chatty. As he gets older, I sense he knows that he views the world differently than most and I want to help him understand rather than have to guess at why.

He knows he participates in additional social/language skills groups at school but overall, he has a great self-esteem and we have always told him that his differences make him amazing and special.

I have read a few parent guides about how to talk to children, but I would rather hear it from those who were in that position themselves (or weren't and have something to share about what they wish their parents did).

Thanks!

Wow I am not sure any of can tell you that. I think that there would be a natural time when it felt right, perhaps it should almost be led by your boy, he is going to ask one day why he is different or why he doesn’t get something or why got a reaction to something, perhaps when it naturally arises. He is a young guy, if he is happy and has no questions is there a need to tell him?

I'm glad you're very accepting of his differences, one of the worst things parents can do is to treat their children like lesser for something they were born with. It's really up to you to decide when is a good time, but when you do decide to talk to him do your research, sit him down and just have a conversation about it.

Disclaimer: I'm not a parent.

You've already acknowledged that he has differences. You're not just accepting of them, but even appreciative of how they make him unique. I think that's the perfect place to be right now, and the second step doesn't have to follow too soon.

I agree with Voxish, see if your son broaches the subject either directly or indirectly. Though there may be benefit in discussing it matter-of-factly before he hits teenage years.

I'd say let him know as soon as possible, before he hears what it is from anyone else. That way you can tell him without any negative connotations at all. Don't tell him like it's anything bad or a disease, just matter-of-factly like it shouldn't matter at all. That way his understanding of what it means can grow gradually rather than having to be a sudden shock.

That said, I'm certainly no expert in this - I didn't find out I was on the spectrum until age 36.

I've always known I'm autistic. It wasn't a bombshell that was dropped on me later on in life. Or treated as some awful secret that had to be kept from me. It took until I was 10 or older for it to actually start registering, but at least I knew about it all along.

I think you should follow his lead and go from there. I also think that you're such a Sweet Pea for accepting and appreciating his differences.

The earlier you say it the less the backlash. For example you can tell him now and if he hasn't a care in the world about it, that's fine, you can explain what it means later when he is ready, but if you don't tell him now and tell him when he is older he could be upset that you never told him about something that affects his entire viewpoint on life vs NTs. For example, I was dx'ed when I was 8 and my mom told me as we were exiting the building. At the time I hadn't a clue what it meant nor cared but I later researched it and have an understating of myself.