"Feeling" autistic?

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Hi everyone,

In a recent post someone talked about "feeling autistic." I've been thinking about this quite a bit ... do you guys "feel" autistic? What does it mean to you? How does it feel?

At this point, I feel awkward right now in my social situation--working in a library. I feel "autistic" in that I can't wait to get out of here and be alone.

It doesn't feel so great. I would feel better if I were able to pursue my "special interest."

I see that you just got diagnosed. I'm sure that has a lot to do with how you feel. I denied my autism until I couldn't ignore it. Even though I was told I have it, I couldn't buy it. I guess you could say I was in a state of denial, but I really think it was just a matter of having poor self-awareness.

When I began to consider that I might be autistic, I began to sort of observe myself like a separate person would observe somebody. It was like a program that I turned on to record and analyze myself in real time. I began to notice plenty of signs of autism, and since than I've felt autistic which makes me feel a sense of vulnerability.

I suppose that might depend on how you would define "feeling autistic"; there have been times when I exhibit certain quirks, like, having trouble interpreting the nuance in certain verbal directions given me, and, misunderstanding, I end up making mistakes that, in hindsight, are quite silly...

At times I associate these moments with being on the spectrum and so, in this sense, I suppose, I feel "Autistic" in these instances.

What's your special interest, Kraftie?

In my case autism feels like the insulation has been stripped from the wiring in my nervous system: I'm nervous and anxious and think things over and over an awful lot, I get easily overwhelmed by bright light/loud sound/other sensory challenges, I'm extra-sensitive and react strongly to social situations.

Most days I generally feel neurotypical, but on those occasional days where my 'condition' gets worse for a short while ...

> My voice becomes harder to understand

> I become more lethargic

> Less interested in others

> It takes more effort/energy to talk to others. If you can feel "autistic" then that feeling would be Dysphoria to anyone who hasn't felt like that before; I just don't feel right, and I wait day by day for the feeling to pass, to the point where I become more neurotypical again. I've met a few more people who are more severely impaired than myself, and all I can say is feeling like that 24/7 must be a chore.

> Sensory issues are a bit more severe

> I sometimes feel more mentally 'slow', and awkward in my own skin

With all that said, this is temporary and is likely triggered by food sensitivities, and it passes within a day or so.

I feel autistic because I'm burnt out from stress; my emotions are flat and I can't make decisions because I feel neither bad not good about anything.

One of my "special interests," since I was about 8 years old, is the weather.

Another is listening to 1950s-1960s radio broadcasts on YouTube.

Or old ball games (especially baseball).

I really enjoyed listening to a game from 1934 between the Detroit Tigers and the New York Yankees.

I have many "useless" interests.

If I go out to restaurants/shops I "feel" autistic compared to the relaxed/casual way other people seem to feel about being in those places. I got exhausted as a child and sat/laid down on shelves in stores when my mom took me shopping... or do all kids do this?

When I get super-tired and the energy to talk is in short supply...

When I get something stuck in my head that haunts me for days/weeks...

Wow. This exactly. Thank you for describing it, it's how I feel a lot of the time.

I get this if I have to socialise with people I don't know, if I see my bad posture and awkward gait reflected in a shop window or here my weird voice played back from a cassette tape. The worst is when I see myself on video, then I can see how awkward I look and hear how dorky I sound.

Even though I like being tall, I don't like having a large awkward body that crashes into things. Having bad coordination does more damage when you're big. Sometimes I look out of place trying to sit in a chair that's too small for me.

Being clumsy definately makes me feel autistic. I drop things and spill things and stub my toe all the time. I'm so clumsy that people who know me can always tell where I sat at the restaurant. It's where the table is messiest. I'm so poorly coordinated I can't eat without making a mess. It makes me feel like so immature

After spending a few years behind a video camera, I can tell you most people don't like being in front of one. Everyone feels awkward watching themselves. Sometimes video is helpful if you feel like you need to work on posture, presentation and/or speech though.

I can feel like the most normal functioning human being in the world when I'm alone or spending time with other Aspies. But when I suddenly walk out in to society among NTs I feel autistic and out of place.

I often doubt my diagnosis until I don't doubt it when certain traits become too obvious.

This is exactly the same as for me! The denial and later observing. (I even film myself sometimes to get a better idea of how I'm acting)
Suddenly self-awareness is on hyper mode, and I'm noticing every little thing I'm doing that relates to autism.

However, it has little to do with the "autistic feeling" for me.
I guess I can "feel" it when I space out. When I'm aware of being really dreamy. Like when on a walk and stopping up all the time to get a closer look at things like mushrooms or special leaves.
I don't do this on every walk, but only at the times where I'm in a certain state of mind. I guess I'd call that being/feeling a little extra autistic at the moment.

Also, when I get a physical reaction from something that is extremely satisfying to me. Like, I have this little iridescent fabric bag, with glass marbles in it. Whenever I fiddle with it, I get really calm, and almost like a wave of pleasure goes through my body (not like an orgasm).
That's surely a concrete feeling that I'm pretty sure has something to do with autism.

I relate completely. I think the only reason I denied the diagnosis for so long was because I'm always by myself. But I really notice it when I'm around people.

The only difference is that now that I've accepted the diagnosis, I notice it when I'm alone as well.