not getting invited to weddings

Post Reply New Topic

i don't know if its the same for everyone, but it feels like the people i know who get engaged/married don't think about me when it comes to inviting people. i've known numerous people who've gotten engaged and i would always assumed that we were close enough to get an invitation or at least get a message about why i never got one. i know people shouldn't explain to everyone why they weren't invited, but i feel like i care more about the person then the person cares about me and i always feel like i put in more of an affect to be a good friend to someone and i feel cheated that they wouldn't acknowledge it and showing me that they're thankful for what i do for them by inviting me.

i always thought that weddings would be a good way for me to socialize because i would have to step out of my comfort zone due to the fact i don't know anyone and knowing we're their for the bride and groom would be a good ice breaker.

Is there a chance that they know about you being socially akward and don't invite you because they think you'd be uncomfortable in a place like that?

It could be whole bunch of reasons why no invite and some that have nothing to do with you.

Wedding size and family expectations. Some people are required to invite every damn relative (including kids). My Chaldean friends can easily have 300 relatives for a wedding, and that doesn't include bosses/coworkers/honored non family guest members. Friends are people the wedding party has known since kindergarten. Hanging out friends don't usually get invited.

If you struggle with social situations, and you don't know the bride's other friends, no invite maybe be seen as a favor from her. Sitting at a table for 10 and making small talk for 3 hours can be viewed as a living hell for some people with ASD. I've been to weddings where the music was so loud, the bass boomed through my body. My husband really struggles at wedding. The anxiety to be properly social kills him. Remember the wedding party may spend 5 minutes with you tops for the whole day. If this is a person who stabilizes you and is a comfort to be around, that most likely won't happen at the wedding.

Costs? Depending on how dressy...If the bride knows you have no job/no transportation, it's sort of cruel to get a destination wedding invite or for a very formal wedding if there is no chance in hell you can attend.

Friends is a crap word because there are so many levels of friendship. Friends can be we just met all the way to I would lay down my life for you. Friendship is a spectrum. My husband always thinks a friendship is deeper than it is. I have been extremely good friends with people and didn't get an invite. Usually it's because the wedding is (X) amount is must invite family, and nothing left for friends.

If you truly struggle with social situations (like everyone can see you are struggling to be present in the moment), or have to be jollied to go to sensory overload places, a wedding day would see to be a tall order.

That being said, I have went to the ACTUAL wedding ceremony if it's held in a church. Churches are public places, and you can sit in the back. You don't have to be uber dressed up to go. Usually don't have to small talk with anyone.

Last thing, most people will not tell you why no invite unless you are extremely close. Either they are embarrassed they can't afford another person, or they don't want to go into how your social anxiety can be a real buzz kill.

HTH

I've only been to one wedding and that was my brother's a long time ago. I was invited to a wedding by my ex but got turned off when he said it had an open bar. I don't know how people act under booze and all that jazz.

You aren't missing much. I've probably been to more weddings than anyone on this form, as my father was a big boss in a small community. We didn't have to eat anything on our plates.

The one time it wasn't a waste of time for me was when I got to find out what happened to what would have been my graduating class had I not moved away by talking to a former classmate for half an hour.

While I did get a lot of social training, I can't see this as being cost effective for you, as your costs would be very high for little benefit.

Much more productive is going to some special interest dinner or luncheon. At least you have something in common to talk about.

I had this exact same problem starting around the early 2000s and it hurt me terribly that my friends, who always seem to reach those wedding milestones, would never invite me to their weddings. It only added a massive heap to my already huge amount of anxiety and depression at that time.

Perhaps they simply thought of me as a loner and socially awkward and someone they wouldn't be proud to have at their wedding? It could be a whole lot of hurtful stuff like that I don't know.

But this turned out to be a double-edged sword for me because as I thought about it, being in a massive room with all of those people that I probably didn't know, I'm sure I wouldn't have had a good time with it anyways. Autistic people shouldn't be in large rooms with lots of people anyways.

But I guess it still hurt me that nobody asked me, especially who I thought were my friends, to come to their weddings. I never get asked to come to social functions anyways.

_________________
*** High Functioning Autism - Asperger's Syndrome ***

ADHD, OCD, and PTSD.

Keep calm and stim away.