Coping with work

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Hello,

I am in despair at the moment and can't work out if I'm making a mountain out of a molehill and being a worrier or if anyone else feels the same.

I have a full time job but haven't really been able to cope since I left uni 3 years ago. I've probably had a third or more of the time off sick with stress, depression and anxiety. I am off sick now and it's been a good 6 months this time (4 months last year) and I think I am on the verge of being redeployed or having my contract terminated. The doctor in occupational health said that I'm unfit for work at the moment whether they adjusted my duties or redeployed me and the thing is, I think he is right.

I'm still a long way from being well and able to go back to my job and do all it entails. Truthfully I don't know if I'm going to be able to anytime soon but I have said I will be back in the next few weeks and trying to put a brave face on it as I don't want to get the sack. I worked hard at uni to be able to do this job. I feel like a failure as it is and having to give it up would make me feel that even more. But at the same time I know if I go back Im not going to be able to cope.

How do you do it? I'm just wondering how many of you manage to hold down full time jobs and if it's not too personal, what do you do?

I feel like work is so detrimental to my health but without going to work how am I going to survive. I am getting seriously stressed out.

Several likely issues.

Black white thinking can make it hard to function appropriately on the job.
https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common- ... stortions/

Outright lies by management.
For instance, the customer comes first. No they don't. They just say that.

Figuring out what the minimum requirements are for the job in terms of what you actually have to do, and what they would like you to do. It is easy to waste a lot of time and energy on stuff people don't really care about.

The biggest mistake by a lot of Aspies is doing too much work.
You set a bad example for the other workers. They find a way to get rid of you.
Sometimes this Aspies do this as a way of compensating for stuff they can't do.


Perhaps the best way to do this is to watch what other workers are doing, and set your goals somewhere near the median. You want to do better than the worst workers but not as good as the best workers at this point in your career. At this point you want to get your mental health in order. In other words, you come first. You may notice a lot of folks goofing off after having to deal with an abusive customer. No, this isn't goofing off. It is taking a necessary mental health break necessary for most people to function.

You want to figure out how to get enough sleep every night. Part of coming first is attending to your health.
You may need to abstain from stuff you like to do this. You may not be able to watch stuff late at night because it interferes with sleep. Getting regular exercise is often very useful in getting a good sleep pattern. And stay off the junk food if it makes you feel bad or interferes with sleep.

It may help to write down lists of stuff you need to do. Aspies often have issues with what is called executive function. Getting a calendar to do stuff on a regular basis will help. It may also help to simplify things, like having exactly the same thing for meals day after day.

I agree with what you say about doing too much work and that I need to look for the median. You're also right about sleep but the problem is I can never get enough and that even the thought of
What shift(s) and duties I am on keeps me awake at night. I just don't know what has happened to me. I used to cope with life, although it was a struggle. Now I just can't cope or take anything at all. I definitely picked the wrong career and I think I now regret it. I feel like I am well and truly in a mess

It may just be that you picked the wrong employer. The same job can have remarkably different stress levels depending on who you work for. Not for profits, charities, and government organizations often offer the same jobs at lower stress levels. Small mom and pop businesses often offer a lot more flexibility to their workers than big organizations in terms of tailoring jobs to the abilities of their workers.

It may also be that you have the wrong boss. Many Aspies have commented about having a great job that went downhill as soon as the boss left for a better job.

I used to stay up at night because my mind would get into an endless loop of worry. I think you have the same problem. You need to find a hobby that will untrack your mind from this endless loop.
At one time I used to play Scrabble on a computer. Maybe you can listen to some old favorite music to set your mind at ease. Or maybe watch a favorite show that you have already seen a dozen times.

I suggest prioritizing on getting enough sleep.

I work for the NHS and since my job is quite specialised I'm kind of stuck. My boss is actually quite good. I never used to think so but since my problems came to light I've changed my mind about them.

You're right, I'm stuck in a loop. Tonight before bed I have read, watched a film, listened to Bach (I don't even like classical music but thought it would calm me).

I feel like I need the kind of job where I can mostly be alone and not have to interact and have set tasks and routines. I just don't know what that might be. All I can think of is if they'd agree to let me work permanent nights or something. But even that'd be a struggle tbh

It may not hurt to ask about that. I recall one guy who got re-assigned to Internet customer service for Walmart on this forum--a night job. Perhaps it would be easier if you did more work online? Or some form of data entry?

That would suit me fine tbh but maybe I am too stubborn for my own good and I never thought about it before but maybe I haven't accepted the ASD as well as I thought I had. I am resentful of the fact I grafted for so many years at uni to get my qualification so I could be a healthcare professional and now it seems it was all for nothing as I just can't cope. Yet am reluctant to admit defeat even though I know I'm just going to make myself even worse. It's a vicious circle.

The work schedule that gave me the least amount of customer interaction was to come in early, leave for 2 hours in the middle of the day to be a caregiver, and then leave late in the day. While the middle of the day is the busiest, where I work it can often be hard for the boss to have enough people to cover both ends of the day.

I think the first few years are harder for Aspies, but after a while many of us do better than average because we tend to have better memories than NTs.

I wish my job was that flexible. It's all shift work unfortunately with no rhyme or reason to any of it. Ah well, no point in worrying myself into an early grave is there I suppose

I still haven't figured out how to deal with this work thing and being Autistic at the same time either. Since '93 I've been fired 9 times, suspended 3rd times and I've quit more than 30 jobs to avoid being fired. All because of the tremendous social difficulties I had with my co-workers and supervisors.

Not being able to accept help, avoiding NT coworkers when I can because I'm afraid of them, problems taking too much instruction at once, issues with authority, whispers behind my back because I'm different from them, not being able to read NT's intentions, avoiding eye contact seems to be a problem to many NTs, etc etc. and every other typical Autistic issue always gets in the way at work it seems. At 42 I don't know what to do now.

I'm at the point now where when I pray to God I simply say to Him "I can't do this anymore and I need to figure out a better solution to this mess."

_________________
*** High Functioning Autism - Asperger's Syndrome ***

ADHD, OCD, and PTSD.

Keep calm and stim away.

Sounds like you're struggling too. I went through three jobs in 5 months at one point but have had this one for a while longer. I've been off sick half the time though so no wonder it looks like I'm about to get fired. Part of me wishes I never said I had ASD because now they no it's a problem that isn't going to go away I think that it has probably made their minds up sadly. I just need a bit more time. I'm just too burnt out and have been the last year or two I would say

When I need help at work, I just ask for an opinion from my NT co-workers on what they think.

A key question is what is it about work that is doing this to you? Is it something about you or is it more tied to the work environment which might be wrong for you?

I’ve had my share of job woes, but I’m in a good place now. When it’s good, it’s good. When it’s bad it’s horrible. I’m lucky that what I do somewhat utilizes my condition and coworkers are understanding, but there are times....

“Normal” people seem to do well adapting to undesirable situations. We tend to really struggle. I was in a good situation for 8 years...then it ended. I went almost a year (and three employers) to get back into something I can manage.

A lot of NTs like giving advice to co-workers who listen to them. Of course, if you are just going to ignore or argue about any help given, that is a much different situation. Anyway, I've figured out how to get advice from my co-workers.