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Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 29 Oct 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 1
Location: New Jersey

29 Oct 2017, 11:14 am

Hi, all. My name is Charlene Volk. I have a cousin who has Aspergers and ADHD. A friend of mine who is a therapist who once knew him personally said he may be bipolar. Well, anyway. I was looking around for information regarding what I consider to be a serious matter. I have not spoken to him in over ten years until recently.

He lives 700 miles away and used to live with his father until recently. His mother died like five years ago and his father just recently, like last week. I did not know this until I got a call from a social worker regarding his case. The social worker called me to let me know his father had passed on his son's request. However, I asked the social worker how he was doing. She said he seemed fine about his father's passing but became "threatening" when she went on to discuss funeral expenses. He told the social worker that he is not paying a cent and ordered her to have the state do whatever it wants with his body. When she told him that's not how it works, he went from like calm to almost violent. She said she almost had to call security but he managed to calm down before that. She did manage to get him to agree to just a bit over $1,000 for cremation expenses. However, she said he left the hospital "frighteningly agitated." I called him personally. He seemed rational to me, but knowing his past, that can mean nothing. I also talked to his next door neighbor, whom his father knew quite well. He told me he has always been nice to talk to, but ever since his father got sick, he was often agitated and acted very strange.

The problem with this is neither he nor his father had much money. His father was ineligible for Medicaid for making just above the limit. And his father had congestive heart failure and was in and out of nursing homes and hospitals for the past six months. The house, which was a rental, was apparently a mess. His father apparently could never sleep and became worse and worse over time. He often fell down in the house. His son had to get the next door neighbor to help get him up. From what I understand, he slowly became incapacitated. His father was also very arrogant in terms of his health. He insisted he was not dying and was always talking about doing things next year. He also refused to comply with doctors and attempted to leave nursing homes against their wishes, with Medicare likely refusing to pay for one due to his up and leaving. I didn't want to speak about a lot of this with his son, but did get info from the neighbor.

All I know at this point is that his father and his son would often get into "violent" arguments about his health, often because of refusal to be in the hospital or nursing home. But all of that is over. Now, I think his son may have engaged in criminal activity by taking money out of his father's account immediately after death to keep up with the next two car payments. The car was in his father's name. I know he didn't have the money personally to pay for it at this time. He does drive, is very high functioning, and was until recently under the impression he gets everything his father had, which was very little, by the way. All of this changed after speaking to the social worker.

I am also worried about the fact I believe his father had no will. And even if he did, I'm not sure it would mean much. His father likely owes a lot of debt, though not sure. He does work, albeit seasonally and making only $800 a month, and a little more in the winter when he works online. But he needs a car to do anything. I am not sure myself how this works, but he claims they could take the car. I do not think he is capable of handling an executor of the estate. I also think he is going to flip out when he finds out how expensive probate can be.

I asked him if he is seeking therapy for the matter. He said yes, but he has to focus on getting disability benefits for the sake of living a decent life. So he claims he's got a plan to make himself look real sick and get pissed off at the therapist, just losing control in her office until she threatens to sedate him or something. Given this, I am not even sure he will be receiving the appropriate therapy, if you know what I mean. He's worried about being denied disability, he was when he was younger, and needs to come up with a plan to at best ensure he gets it. Even he says he may not, but if he does get it, he can pay for a car if they take his away. That is all he's worried about, it seems, the car. I sometimes believe, given his agitated state of mind, it may even work in his interest. Maybe a good thing, I guess. It is far too easy for him to just lose control of his emotions. In fact, he often has to never show emotion to stay in control.

I am wondering if anyone else has been in a situation like this. What options were there? How did it turn out? I am going down to see him in a couple of weeks. He has never had many friends, never had a girlfriend, either lived alone or with his father. Yes, he can function on his own. That's not my concern. My concern is that once he makes plans for something, and they do not go through, he flips out violently, often at people close to him, and now either myself or teachers he knew from his old school. He has plans for his life, but they do involve the use of a car.


User avatar

Joined: 13 Apr 2011
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 104
Location: Bakersfield, California

29 Oct 2017, 11:20 am

I have AS. I am on social security disability. I cannot do anything that has anything to do with a system. I think that the definition of AS should be - "people who would rather die than conform."