Misdiagnosed and bitter, looking for support

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Hey wassup?

Okay, long story short, I may have been misdiagnosed when I was younger, and i'm quite bitter about it.

Short story long...as a child, I was very misbehaved and had rather violent temperament. I really can't remember how it went down, but when I was about 9 or 10, my mother took me to get tested, and the doc said it was aspergers. That's not specifically what I went in for, at the time my parents didn't know much about it at the time, just though it was, like, just kids who didn't talk and stuff. But no matter how much they tried to talk to me about it, I refused to accept it. At the time it was just me being arrogant and defiant (back then, I could have something as simple as a common cold, and be in denial of it). I've begged my Mother to get me retested, she won't budge.

At the time, Mother made me do therapy and meds, and did an IEP in school, all of which I really didn't want, and I made that very clear. But it was something I just didn't think about any other time.

Fast forward 10 years. I'm 20, still living at home, at least while I commute to Community College, and to pay for it, I've been a cashier for nearly a year.

I've been hurt, I'm feel alone, I'm slightly depressed, and I still think I've been misdiagnosed.

By 11th grade I started to realize that I was, well......different, just kinda odd really. But I took a good look at myself and did some research, and I honestly convinced myself my diagnosis really was wrong.

By now though, I'm really not sure. For example, I'm not great with eye contact, not great with small talk and general chitchat, but I don't get stressed around large crowds or busy situations (I actually enjoy being a cashier), I'm not picky and I don't follow a schedule, I'm not hypersensitive (thank goodness....I can't imagine not being able to handle the voice of Geddy Lee ), etc.
My manager has 2 kids on the spectrum, but to my knowledge he suspects nothing of me.
But I took a girl to see the My Little Pony movie a couple weeks ago (good movie, btw); turns out she's an aspie, and she thought I was too.

Personally, I'm not 100% sure, but I've become so distressed over this, I wish I could go back in time and never get diagnosed. And honestly, even if I actually am on the spectrum, I would've rather not known. Ever. I kinda wanna still get retested, just to have the diagnosis "officially" removed, but I'd rather go back to stop it from happening in the first place.

And worse, I plan on being a famous musician (don't judge, I know it's ridiculous, but dreams can come true if ya really put your heart into it (plus it gives me a good reason to live)). And I am really afraid that no matter how well I try to keep it under wraps, it's gonna get leaked.

I know that it may seem ridiculous to some, but to me, it's all just been really painful. Is there any way to cope with this? Can I actually get undiagnosed? I have to know.
-Not Using My Real Name On This Site

Last edited by Elaset Lives On on 01 Nov 2017, 2:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

Welcome. What was your qualifying condition to get into special ed?
Although your education might have less than stellar , you seem to be doing well for yourself.
Felt the movie was quite mediocre.

Hmm....not entirely sure what qualifying condition, other than just ASD and ADD, I think my mother just assumed "Well, he's autistic, guess he's gonna need therapy, and pills, and an IEP, 'cause, ya know, he's autistic." Luckily I was still in regular classes.
And thanks. Luckily college has none of this on record, unfortunately my laziness landed my in academic suspension, my fault though, gonna go back this spring to finish. I learned my lesson

Disregarding informal comments/blogs on the net etc, (ignore those), what do you personally know about Asperger's Syndrome at this stage, what is your current understanding of it? What are the strengths and weaknesses that you have come to believe it represents?

Well, first and foremost I know that the strengths and weaknesses of are just as diverse between individuals on the spectrum as they are for neurotypicals.
I guess it's largely a social thing, like difficulty expressing feelings, or general lack of social skills. Some have very specific interests, some have sensory issues, etc.
TBH, I really don't know that much on a personal level, any autists/aspies I've met in real live, and I know it sounds rude, but I avoided getting to know them. (I know it's incredibly rude to say that, I just couldn't bring myself to associate with them)

I think honesty will help you sort out your confusions, so stay with it. What were your thoughts about the people you avoided? What judgments did you make about them?

Well, I didn't really judge anyone. I just didn't wanna be seen associating with them out of fear. Fear of someone making assumptions about me. A lot of my cyber-friends are actually autistic, but I don't have to worry about being caught in public associating with them.

Let's see if we can go a step further re your comment about fear of someone making assumptions about you. Change places with that someone for a moment, and name the assumptions you would be as that someone. What does that someone believe about you as a person on the autistic spectrum, do you think?

I don't know, really. It's all very complicated. It's just something I've always been upset about and wish to disassociate myself from it as much as possible.

Oops, forgot to finish that thought. Silly me, I've edited the first post as well

Hm, well, you're asking for support in 'not wanting to be autistic' within a community of autistics, so I'm not sure how well that's going to go down

Anyway, I can understand your concern, I think. Diagnosis is like a one-way valve - once you know, you can't go back and un-know, and it's going to colour how you think about yourself. That's probably unavoidable.

I guess the reason you're bitter may be a self-esteem thing? Whether or not you have autism, are you able to feel accepting of yourself? Are you comfortable in your own skin?

I'm thinking that once you're comfortable with yourself, you may get a better sense of whether the diagnosis is relevant. And you'll gain the confidence to explain what it means (or refute it) to anyone who might hear about it.

Hope that helps.

Elaset:
Your parents could not just wontonly put you in special education, you would have to qualify. At 16 tou shoild have been invited to your own meetings. You may want to look througb the paperwork and see. Also, of you go to college amd your last evaluation was under three years, you coild qualify for disability services through the college, this could give you accomodations like extra time, etc. Since it falls under a different law it will not be exactly like the ones you gor in high school.

Thanks. Not sure it's really a self esteem thing though, some might say my self esteem is too high:)
But, are you saying there is no way to get un-diagnosed? Like, is there anyway at all to have it removed from my medical records or whatever?


My Mother didn't want me to have a say in any of this, even when I became an adult. Not exactly sure what the qualifications were, and to be honest, maybe it'd be easier not to know. But I'd rather not get any help or services. Maybe they're the SMART choice, but it's too emotionally painful. I'd rather fall flat on my face. Same reason I didn't checkmark the "Qualifies for ADA" box on my job application. (Also I'm only failing school because I'm just too darn lazy, instead of accommodations, I really ought to just whip myself into shape)

Everybody has a right to get a second opinion. I would advise you to go to if they exist your local autism center or your college's psychology department. Copy what you wrote here and add why you think you were misdiagnosed. If there is an Autism/Aspergers support group nearby they might have recommendations about who to see.

Being diagnosed does not change one thing about you, except that you have a diagnosis. Diagnosis or not, you are the exact same person regardless.

For many of us, people would not know we have Autism unless we told them and even at that some are reluctant to believe it. So being seen with us in public is not likely to cause anyone to be prejudicial towards you. Having Autism is not something to be embarrassed about any more than having cancer would be

For myself, and many others, being Autistic means we have to try harder to do some of the things that, for others, comes naturally such as engaging in small talk or making eye contact, it doesn't mean we can't do those things. I can do eye contact, but crowds are a problem, especially noisy ones.

I'm also, apparently, particularly sensitive to when I've done something wrong or perceived to have done something wrong (story for another thread

So you can accept a diagnosis for what it is or you can let the diagnosis control you. The choice is yours.

100% this. It sounds like you are letting a label define you. My knee-jerk reaction is to feel insulted by this post. I was diagnosed and just kept on living the way I wanted to live. Have things gone perfectly? No, my difficulties with Aspergers are ever-present. But I keep on learning, keep on working as hard as I can.

I don't mean this in a poor way, but it sounds like you might be using this as an excuse for some of the bad things in your life. Life is hard for everyone, NTs or Aspies. It's not fair, either. You shouldn't be embarrassed, and being diagnosed shouldn't "hold you back" from your music career, or moving out of your house, or anything. A label is just that, a label.

And if you've been mis-diagnosed, I don't understand the problem with that, either. I am an adult, and I don't have to tell a single person whether or not I have the illness for work or otherwise. It's totally up to me.

Contrarily, it sucks that your mother didn't let you get un-diagnosed when you were younger. But that chapter of your life has ended.

Last edited by canzosis on 01 Nov 2017, 12:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.