Wondering if I learnt behaviours from my (probably) AS dad?

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confused098
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 6 Jan 2018
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 1

06 Jan 2018, 8:41 am

Hey everybody,

I've been looking into Asperger's recently to see if there's anything I relate to. I have OCD and recently it's been focused on neurological issues and mental health issues so I could definitely chalk it up to that, or it could be both and I'm only realising now as an adult. I relate to some things quite a lot (like being picked on as a kid, not being as socially aware as other kids my age), however things like eye contact and sensory issues were never really an issue that I remember. I had big problems with impulsivity as a child and I think that that caused some social issues. I am an only child as well, and I've heard stories from a lto of only children in the same boat. I still struggle to maintain friendships still but I put that down to sever social anxiety, I pretty much always know what to do in social situations, pick up on cues and emotions and can read through the lines well enough, but I get very anxious and second guess myself all the time so I end up avoiding people or looking really awkward as a result.

I never really questioned possibly being autistic until fairly recently even though a good few of my friends have mild Asperger's, but once I read up on it I instantly recognised my dad in a lot of it. He can come across as a bit rude sometimes without meaning to be, has BIG issues with smells, noise, lights etc., is very literal most of the time, is very uncomfortable with emotions in general and has obsessive interests. My mum also gets very upset about changing routines and times and comes across as awkward and naive a lot of the time but she gets things socially that my dad just never has. I used to look up to him quite a lot when I was younger, and I wonder if I maybe copied some of his behaviour as a result. I got into nerdy stuff like him, and definitely emulated his bluntness maybe a bit too much, as I got a bit older though I grew out of it, but I wonder if the fact that he doesn't socialise at all impacted how I viewed friendships as well. Anytime I would get upset at anything to do with our relationship or anxious about something irrational he would just say that I'm being stupid and get annoyed and not talk about it. It's hard to explain a lot of it without specific examples but in general I wonder if I developed bad social skills from his behaviour, since I don't really have any issues now that my friends with AS (and my dad) would have, although my social anxiety is still a massive issue even now.

I don't want to come across as being ignorant about people with AS as I know plenty of people that are on the spectrum that are wonderful people, and I still love my dad regardless but I suppose I just wanted some input from people who know a but more about AS than most!