This isn't just for me, I hope that by asking this many of us can help each other. A lot of people I know in person who have AS struggle with similar (though often more or less severe) issues, so hopefully if we can all combine our experiences and solutions it can be helpful for everyone.
As you probably know if you've seen my past posts, I'm incredibly sensitive and I constantly have trouble with fights, confrontation, arguments, pretty much everywhere. I'm a major target of ridicule, all kinds of stuff, at work, school, and in public. There isn't much I can do except submit to my bullies because I'm caught off guard. I do not want to submit to them however, I wish to fight against them so it's fair and just, and to hopefully stop them from turning me into their target. On the other hand, doing so causes me a lot of anxiety at home, and that anxiety makes my rebuttals ineffective outside. I want to figure out how I can manage this home anxiety, control my thoughts, and separate my mind and thought patterns when I get home. Essentially, I'm in defense mode, and I want to learn how to be in defense mode in public, and relax mode at home.
I use defense mode meaning a mode of readiness. Someone attacks you, you are ready to have a comeback. It doesn't have to be preplanned, but you are anticipating it. Let's say someone pushes you, you are ready to confront them to the face, and you have worked on eye contact, physical intimidation, and others at home. Though I CAN technically fight back, I feel incredible amounts of anxiety and fear and that's something I haven't yet successfully eliminated.
Now let's say you then go home. The ideal situation is you come home and relax. You don't have to think about these confrontations any longer. My issue is that I continue to think about them, and they are actually worse at home once I'm safe. I'm sensitive, so I have trouble dealing with insults or criticisms unless they are just, fair, or constructive. I've accepted this sensitivity, and I wouldn't say the words themselves cause damage, but the fact that people can get away with insulting me does. Not only this, but I would like to have a greater amount of control over my mind. I'm in a near constant state of panic and insecurity and I feel threatened. I feel like I don't own my own house, car, etc. It's like they're going to show up to my house and destroy it. I know how illogical that sounds, but I feel extremely threatened and I feel that the only way to remedy this issue is by properly learning several things:
1. How to defend myself CONFIDENTLY (Eye contact, physical stature, witty comebacks, etc.)
2. How to FORGET at home (Stop thinking about these issues when I get home. Home should be kept separate from conflicts that occur outside, and I should be able to relax here but I don't know how.)
3. How to stay on guard in public (Be prepared for an attack by anyone, as in someone calls me an idiot, I call them an idiot back with equal force. No weaseling out, no quietly agreeing with them (this is what I do, it's horrible), and no silence. The more I choose those options, the more I pay for it in the long term.)
4. How to state opinions, say no to people, etc.
So far I have some control over my thoughts, but otherwise I have little "triggers" everywhere which activates negative past thoughts. I may feel completely calm but then I walk down the street, see a red door and suddenly my mind activates all these memories where that object was involved. Apparently the idea is you just keep "diverting" your thoughts to something else, but then what else do I think about? I "infect" whatever I'm thinking about with the bad memory.
Sorry this is so long. Don't be afraid to suggest anything, I hope this (my 3 steps mostly) is helpful to someone, or we can discuss this and figure it out better.
The way I worded it is overly complicated because I'm trying to highlight all the details, but in short it's just "get bullied, get anxious, anxiety ruins my thoughts and relaxation at home. As a result, I want to learn how to be calm and forget these negative encounters at home, and be better at fighting the bully".
09 Dec 2017, 4:40 am
