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firemonkey
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11 Dec 2017, 9:02 pm

Something I don't do. I just never know what to say , or when there's an opening to do so. I mean you can't just go up to someone and start talking to them,can you ? Perhaps there's non verbal signs that give you a pointer re initiating,but if there are I'm clueless as to what they are.


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12 Dec 2017, 1:38 am

It can be really tough to start a conversation with an unfamiliar person. I can get almost phobic about it, like trying to socialize after church. People give subtle signs about being receptive to talk - like if they're not all focused and busy, maybe fidgeting or looking at some small object or standing idly. If they're involved in some action requiring concentration or in an intense interaction with another person or if they're frowning or whatnot, then they're signaling that they're not receptive to conversation. When I do kick off a conversation, I'll start with something the other person and I have in common or have just experienced. Like today at the supermarket when the person running the cash register had to look up the product code for the yellow squash I was purchasing, I mentioned that I was somewhat surprised to see them still available so late in the year, as they are a summer variety. She joked that she had seen "April Fools" squashes that were actually just shells - hollow inside - used as joke items and we both chuckled. Similarly, after hearing a speaker give a presentation, I might comment to a bystander that the topic was meaningful to me. Other times I might mention a weather forecast, as that is often a shared interest (here in Colorado the weather changes very quickly). It's easier if I just start off a conversation in an off-hand, casual way, realizing that it might just be a sentence or two. When I approach someone deliberately, I can get phobic about it, because I worry I won't be able to come up with more than one or two things to say, and then it will be awkward. I try hard to think up appropriate things to say. Non-autistic people seem to do it so naturally - for them it seems that the content of the conversation is not as important as just blabbing, lol.



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12 Dec 2017, 1:46 am

firemonkey wrote:
Something I don't do. I just never know what to say , or when there's an opening to do so. I mean you can't just go up to someone and start talking to them,can you ?

I think it depends. It seems to be perfectly acceptable to say "Hi" to anyone. They automatically say "hi" back. Then if they seem receptive you could continue - like if they smile at you, or they choose to say something further.
I usually don't however unless I have a reason to, then it's just me asking for information or giving information. I have problems understanding the "back and forth" nature of conversation and when it is appropriate to speak, so I usually wait until I am directly asked.


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CockneyRebel
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12 Dec 2017, 5:47 pm

I'm also the type who doesn't initiate conversations. If someone starts a conversation with me, I'll talk to them. I'm just not the type to start small talk.


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12 Dec 2017, 7:12 pm

I used to try to initiate conversations, but those conversations usually died really fast. I recently figured out the trick is to use open ended questions which I am unable to do, and is why my attempts failed so fast. In the end, gave up trying to start conversations beyond, "how's the weather?"


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MariaTheFictionkin
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12 Dec 2017, 7:19 pm

I'm bad at initiating conversations with new, unfamiliar people due to fear of judgment and just utter disgust. Usually with friends though, I would start out with a "Hi" or something.


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Lost_dragon
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14 Dec 2017, 8:37 am

With some people, I have to initiate conversation, because I know that they would never initiate conversation with me and I don't want to just sit/stand there in silence.

I know a guy who always looks terrified for his life whenever I talk to him face to face, but we talk online and he's often more vocal and easier to communicate with online.

Whether I initiate or don't often depends on who I'm talking to, if they are the type of person who's quiet and doesn't tend to start conversations, then I'll begin the conversation, however if they do tend to start conversations, then I'll let them begin.


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whatamievendoing
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14 Dec 2017, 9:07 am

The only times I initiate conversation are if I feel the need to break the silence somehow. Even then, it takes at least 5 minutes of mental preparation.


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AntisocialButterfly
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14 Dec 2017, 9:29 am

I get myself super wound up when I have to initiate a conversation, I always try to take the advice of 'How to make friends and influence people' and ask someone a question about themselves, people can often talk for hours about themselves.

As for the initiating, I normally avoid it if I can, though normally if someone is looking at you a lot I would take that as interest to talk. And then deliberately not look at them and hope they go away ahahhaha.

Saying hi is fine, deliberately smiling at someone - though sometimes I am not sure if this is creepy or not... - but people often seem to like that. I also sometimes just go for the 'f**k it approach' and say: 'Hi, sorry I don't know your name, I am X nice to meet you. [Insert question about their life, work or friends].' Normally if you look bouncy and happy enough people respond to it.

I still find social situations a lot of a gamble... but hey these things seem to have worked with a reasonably high success rate so far.