Holiday Hugs

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I posted this on a different thread a little while ago, but I didn't get any responses. I now you aren't supposed to double post, so I deleted the original question and I'm re-posting it here, I hope that's alright. I'm only re-posting because I really wanted some advice about this topic and I don't have anyone else to ask.



I really really hate hugs. I've never liked hugs, for as long as I can remember they have made me feel awkward and uncomfortable. The only person I like hugging is my SO, who is usually my only human contact. After I survived a particularly harrowing trauma, hugs have gotten even worse for me. Whenever someone hugs me it feels like my skin is trying to crawl off my body, I hate feeling confined by someone else's body. It's always been pretty obvious that I disliked hugs, and in the past I've gotten a bit of teasing about it.

However, a few years ago I decided that I should tell an experimental selection of people my preferences, instead of sitting in silence all the time. That decision made sense to me, after all who would purposely want to make someone uncomfortable? I mean, obviously I didn't say "I hate your gross body, keep it away from me", but I made the mistake of mentioning out loud at some family holiday functions that I don't prefer to be hugged, I didn't even ask people to stop outright, I just mentioned that I didn't especially like hugs. Ever since then I can't go to a family function without a few people making a big deal about my confession.

Sometimes they'll say things like "I know you hate hugs but I'm going to hug you anyway!" I don't know why you would acknowledge that someone doesn't like something and then keep on doing it while making an announcement for everyone to hear. They always seem so cheerful about it too, it feels like they're adding insult to injury. Other people seem to feel personally hurt or offended that I don't want to hug them, as if my not liking hugs was a personal slight against them. I don't understand that response either, but the worst are people who seem to think you just need more hugs so you can learn to like them, or they believe I secretly want hugs even when I say I don't. As a female I think people are particularly put off by the fact that I'm not a hug person.

At this point I usually just put up with it until it's over, it's easier to just say nothing, but the whole thing makes me incredibly anxious with Christmas coming up. I wish they would just stop bringing it up and giving me a hard time, it makes something that's already uncomfortable anxiety inducing.

I know they probably think that their comments are in good fun, but I feel like the butt of a joke and I hate that feeling. Does anyone have any advice for handling the holidays?

I don't mind hugs. It's just that I prefer a handshake. Growing up, I never understood why the males in my family would get handshakes and the females in my family would get hugs at Christmastime. Being trans, I would have much rather preferred the handshake. Now that I'm older, I make a point of giving handshakes at holiday events throughout the year.

I fear the only way you may stop it is if you physically put up a barrier so you cannot be hugged.

Holding your arms up so your palms are either side, but in front of your face may be one option.

Adopting a Kung-fu pose may be another http://www.shaolinshow.co/photo/kungfu/ ... orning.jpg
(then again perhaps not)......

Goodbye hugs are easier to avoid as you can try and vacate the area hugs are taking place.

I've always hated hugs.

I'm pretty tempted to try that sweet Kung-fu pose!
I suppose at this point I just want them to stop teasing me about it. I'd even deal with the hugs if they would just never mention it again. I'm adding "telling people you don't like hugs" to my list of things that aren't worth the trouble of explaining to anyone!

I keep my arms folded across my chest when I'm in situations where people are apt to start hugging. For some reason, it makes them less likely to try it, and if someone approaches looking as if they're going to do it anyway I take a step backwards. I'm quick to laugh and shake my head, saying something like, "You know me, just not a big hugger, but I'm so happy to see you! We should find time to talk later and catch up. Please excuse me, must go powder my nose now!" It usually works well.