Do my characteristics merit further inquiry to diagnosis?

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Hi. I’m new to this website. Female, 23. I’ve been bouncing the idea around in my head that I might have Aspergers (or high functioning autism, or whatever they’re calling it now) for about five years now, off and on. I’ve done a ton of research and identify with a lot of things on the diagnosis checklist, but also don’t recognize a few. Sorry if you get quite a few posts like this asking for “diagnosis”.

Pros: sensitivities (sound, light, clothing), specialized interests (medical stuff, aspergers, epic fantasy novels, microbiology/immunology, etc), social interaction (hate unplanned social interaction, never have felt like I belonged, super physically self aware in interactions, hate small talk), very late to walk as a kid and always clumsy but with high pain tolerance, like routine (planning each day (or month) in advance, eating things certain ways), super clean and organized (have to write things down or I totally forget them though), always moving my hands or toes or legs in weird repetitive patterns, struggle with imaginative play (default is copying and synthesizing others’ imaginative works),

Cons: don’t have meltdowns (as a kid not really either), feel like I finally have a grasp on social stuff (how often to make eye contact, how close to stand, how often to speak, how to read facial expressions, don’t speak in monotone), didn’t really have special interests as a kid besides fairies and reading books (I guess I had a lot of weird collections though: acorns, journals, science and art kits, etc)

I also have trouble with verbal processing I think. I space out in conversations constantly, I mix up words people say with ones that sound similar but make no sense, sometimes people will say stuff and it’s jibberish for a second until my mind catches up, I have to write down any multi step direction, even the simplest things.

I guess I want a diagnosis because it would let me accept certain things about myself I’ve always tried to change. But I also feel like maybe I don’t have Aspergers and I’m just looking for an excuse, an easy way out. But also, I don’t feel generally impaired in life, I dunno.

I would suggest speaking to a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist about where you struggle. Having someone to talk to about your struggle to "change" who can offer unbiased advice on what you can do to improve those areas is more lucrative to your overall health and happiness than armchair diagnosis. You don't need to be diagnosed to start getting help and it may lead to a diagnosis if it is necessary to further you along to your goal of being comfortable with yourself.

The added bonus is if you are autistic then you will have had someone observe your behaviors and will be able to "vouch" for you as you get diagnosed that isn't anecdotal in the eyes of the diagnostician.

If it doesn't cost anything, why not go for it?

If it costs something, and you're otherwise adjusting well (i.e., employed/going to college/university, have friends, etc), then I don't believe it would be worth it.

Perhaps reading up on the "Broad Autism Phenotype" might be useful for you?

You have some salient "signs" of Asperger's/autism. Then again, there are people without autism who also exhibit these signs (i.e., as an illustration of "normal human variation.")

Thank you guys for such quick replies... I’ve been seeing a counselor now for several weeks, but I’ve been too scared to bring up Autism. I guess I don’t want to seem like a psychological hypochondriac. I think that a lot of my traits that link to the autism spectrum could also be attributed to several other things linked together: auditory processing troubles, eating disorder and needing to be in control, social anxiety, ADHD, above average intelligence leading to early alienation etc... but who knows.

I have a college degree, a job, roommates. So I guess that’s success in terms of appearance. But it’s the internal struggles I have that I think make me want to pursue discussion in terms of autism: not liking being around people much, anxiety from certain stimulations, not being able to hold a conversation because I can’t keep focused on a subject I don’t care about...

Welcome, bluesky.

I think it's worth looking into further. When you say that your traits could be due to other conditions "linked together", it could be that autism is the "link". The conditions you mention can quite commonly be either part of the autism (e.g. sensory processing), a consequence of living with autism (e.g. social anxiety) or one of the conditions that is common for people with a multiple diagnosis (e.g. ADHD).

Not having meltdowns is not particularly unusual, judging from previous posts here and on other forums. My Mum has always told me that I was always a very quiet child and rarely any trouble, though I do get incredibly withdrawn (shut down) when I'm pushed too far.

It's possible to learn eye contact and body language just through lots of careful observation, even if the instinct for it isn't strong. Wanting to "fit in" around people means that there is a very strong incentive to do that from a young age ("passing".) As ASPartOfMe pointed out, it is quite telling that you say you "finally grasp" them. Non-autistic people learn those things without giving it much conscious attention, and they don't need to be "aware" that they are using them when they do. For an autistic person it might take more conscious effort to learn them, and they can become automatic habits if they are practised enough, though they often don't become completely effortless.