What do I do...?

Post Reply New Topic

I was diagnosed as autistic way back when I was young. I was started on ABA, where I was psychologically tortured into acting neurotypical.

Now here is where I am conflicted. If I could technically pass off as neurotypical, would people believe me if I told them I am autistic? To some people, autism is a terrible disease that needs to be cured. To others, it is simply a label that needs to be accepted. Everybody has some autistic traits in them, but they may be more prevalent in some than others. Although I believe the neurodiversity movement is helpful, I sometimes believe it is like the LGBTQ or feminist movements. Autism is the defining trait of me, according to some people. An anti-vaxxer probably would yell at me if I told them I am autistic.

Is there anything I can do to help with my internal conflict? Thanks for the help!

From the DSM-5 definition of ASD:
"Symptoms must be present in the early developmental period (but may not become fully manifest until social demands exceed limited capacities, or may be masked by learned strategies in later life)"

Based on this, it seems to me that, as a result of your ABA, you have a "learned strategy" to mask your signs. Based on that, even if you're masking your signs, you've still got the same issues you always did; you're just good at hiding them. The DSM-5 says that the ability to mask ASD doesn't cause one to become undiagnosed.

I agree with the people who say that ASD is a defining trait of those who have it. The fact that it causes the brain to develop differently means that part of who you are is driven by your ASD. Your brain controls your personality, and you brain developed different from an NT, therefore ASD is part of who you are. The fact that you can pretend to be someone else doesn't change who you are.

I can pass for NT quite easily. I come off as a little quirky, but no one believes it's something as "serious" as autism. If I tell anyone about it, I'm mostly met with the comments "but you don't LOOK autistic!" or "Are you sure?". This doesn't mean I'm neurotypical, just that I'm a good actor.
When people hear the word Autistic, most think of the people with severe autism, so it isn't that strange that they won't believe it when they meet someone who acts perfectly normal and says they're autistic. It contradicts their beliefs and that can make anyone defensive, leading to the back-attack: "I don't think you are. I've SEEN autistic people".

I'm also happy to see the awareness-movement spreading out. I just found out about my autism last year, because of people spreading information about it online. Now that I'm diagnosed my whole life has gotten so much easier to handle, because I've been made aware of my own needs. And I can see the importance of spreading the word. To all the people unaware of their own autism, and to all the people that doesn't know what it really means.
Autism is part of my whole being, and it would be nice not to have to try so hard to hide it.

I'm afraid there's little to be done about the anti-vaxxers. Those guys are just crazy.

I have to say, it is kind of hard acting neurotypical to meet the demands of society. And, yes, it’s very hard to deal with anti-vaxxers. With the current flu epidemic, I’m starting to wonder if it was either low vaccination rates or simply vaccine ineffectiveness that caused it.

I was once a person who wanted no more than a cure for autism. I participated in Autism Speaks events funding for research. Later on in my early teenage years, I started reading about the neurodiversity and autism rights movements. I was interested in what they were trying to spread, but to this day I believe that they may or may not be pushing for superiority like the feminist movement.

Now I remember all of the stupid things I did when I knew nothing about autism. I’ve been reading a novel entitled The Speed of Dark that is about an autistic man named Lou Arrendale who is conflicted about whether he will take an experimental cure for autism or potentially lose his accommodations or even his job at the pharmaceutical company where he works. That book is a good read for autistic and neurotypical people alike. From the novel, I think about my own life as an autist or autie, however you think about it. I’ve even joined a HALO club at my school. For those of you who do not know what HALO is, it is a non-profit organization that seeks to spread the word about Rapid Prompting Method (RPM) in order to help autistic people find ways to communicate.

I also believe that since the ABA program is the only treatment that most insurance companies cover, reforms could be made to it in order to focus on improving the lives of autistic people rather than forcing them to act neurotypical like I and many other people experienced. That is just one of some of the philosophies I believe in regarding autism. I scored high on my IQ tests since many of the things I had to do involved more visuals than listening, the former of which I excel at. Thankfully, my English teacher is a visual learner, so things are easier for me.

What do you think? Post your thoughts below!

I live in a society where people don’t know I’m autistic. And when I say it, they don’t believe me. I would show them my doctor’s note that says I was diagnosed, and they might as well not believe in that, either.

I prefer to tell people I’m autistic in more subtle ways. For example, I will not say it directly, but instead I will mention that I’m sensitive to noise. I’m a very emotionally sensitive person, which is probably the exact opposite of what people think of me. I do not show my emotions much, and I might not cry when other people do. I caused my English teacher to reveal I’m autistic to the whole class yesterday, but people seemed indifferent. They probably did not believe that I’m autistic or did not care.

I wish I knew some of the things I didn’t think of before. For example, a person who tried to verbally bully me last year failed because he called me a fa***t. That’s right. F-A-G-G-O-T. That insult was invalid because it only applies to men, and I’m obviously a girl. So I ignored it. He didn’t just do it once, though. He kept doing it about 2-3 times a day, and he would even get close and whisper the “insult” in my ear. I got even by pretending to have a major crush on him. Since teenagers tend to mean the exact opposite of what they’re saying, my fake crush on him was a way of telling him I hated him. I wonder if that bully knew I was autistic. These days I just wonder if people actually believe I’m autistic.