No assessment after all...

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Previously, I saw an occupational therapist who was eager to get me into therapy and an assessment, but our meeting was months ago. The office called several times to try to arrange a first session or a date for the assessment, but my mom kept putting it off. I pestered her about it for weeks, but she insisted that she kept "forgetting" or there were things she had to do instead. Yesterday, though, my oldest sister came home from grad school for the holidays, and I found out why my mom is refusing to follow up on what she previously had been enthusiastic about.

My sister is studying to become a kind of occupational therapist, and she's been taking courses on everything that I deal with. She let slip the other day that "SPD doesn't exist" and that I'm suffering from an irrational belief that my sensory issues can hurt me. She "diagnosed" me with GAD and has apparently convinced my mom that sensory therapy is bunk, SPD is nonsense, and I'm just delusional, along with any doctor who has ever told me otherwise.

This is really hard to take. The last two doctors I saw, an OT and a psychologist, both assured me that my problems were not psychological, that I was born with them, and that therapy would help. It was a huge relief to know how exactly my brain was dysfunctioning and the options I had to fix it. Now my sister has convinced my mom that I just need to be "exposed" to sensory stimulation enough for it to make me realize that "it can't hurt me." It does freaking hurt, and all the exposure I've had in my life-time has only made it worse. The psychologist I saw outright told me that exposure wouldn't help me, that I needed guided therapy for sensory issues specifically, confirming my experiences.

But now I'm not going to any doctor, because the psychologists all know that they can't help me, and my mom won't trust the OT's over her oldest daughter, no matter how much an SPD or ASD diagnosis fits me. I'm just stuck as I am and where I am. And I don't know how to convince my mom that my sister is NOT qualified yet (and even as an OT, she can't diagnose psychological issues) and she needs to listen to the real doctors.

I'm really sorry to hear all of that. Especially after all of the progress you had made.
Are you not able to go to the therapist yourself? I don't see why your mother has to approve. She's obviously unknowledgeable about the subject.

Your mother seems easily swayed or pressured. I assume the best thing to do is bring up to her how on board she was to go and honestly ask her what changed. When she tells you just shoot down what she says with facts I guess.
That's all I've got though.

Sensory Processing Disorder might be currently subclinical for lack of diagnostic criteria, but that doesn't negate the frequency with which many researchers and clinicians understand its validity. So, if your sister continues to claim that SPD doesn't exist, she would have a lot of researchers and clinicians to persuade.

Have you completed any screening tests for Autism Spectrum Disorder?

Unless your Mom/parents are listed as legal guardians of you, they can't inhibit you making decisions for yourself. While they have some control over you as you live with them, you can still take some steps to give yourself more independence (and getting this diagnosis might be something that WOULD help to give you that!). First step is to get your own ID. How is your Mom signing for you anyways? Does she have a power of attorney and/or legal guardianship? If not, she legally can't do that for you. If you are in the US, you can get a state-issued identity card that you can use in lieu of a driver's license. The insurance issue is more of a barrier, but if you have any money saved up, you can go to the psychologist yourself and pay for it out-of-pocket. If you don't have money saved up, start saving, as it sounds like this is something that could really help you and be very beneficial.

@Masakados The confrontation happened earlier this afternoon. My mom is pretty impervious to facts because my sister has told her that all of the "professionals" agree with her opinion. But my mom really doesn't like the idea that I have a psychological problem, either, so she's taken a middle ground stance. She says that my sensory dysfunction stems from my physical issues, and that sensory therapy might help me "a little bit" but she still thinks it's mostly bunk. The most I could obtain was a promise to pursue an assessment without the chance of therapy. I'm dubious about her sincerity, but there's no way I can protest, so I'll just have to wait and see.

@AspieUtah I filled out a Sensory Profile questionnaire (also "debunked" by my sister), but that was as far as I got with the OT. We only had one meeting, despite her urges to follow up.

@Keladry I'm physically and neurologically disabled, so I'm not capable of holding a normal job. Plus, my efforts to become more independent have always been met with resistance from my mom. I tried to get an ID in order to take the SAT last summer, but she put it off and convinced me to just let it go after I missed the date. My dad has pushed me towards independence in the last few years, offering me ways to earn a little money and urging me to get a driver's license. But stacked against my mom's will, I can't make any moves. It took six months just to convince her to bring home a manual so that I could study for a driver's license test. I'm quite literally stuck.

Sounds like your mom is trying to control your life. You need to have a serious talk with her about managing your own life and doing what you can independently.

Thanks, everyone, for your input and advice. I do need to be more assertive when it comes to my mother, and taking steps towards independence is even more important now when I'm close to attending college. I'll just have to work up the nerve to do it. For now, I'll focus on getting an assessment, regardless of therapy, until I'm capable of making financial decisions on my own.

Good luck!