Is it an autistic thing in me? My experience. Long post.

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Hello everyone!

I'm 21 and live in a country where children don't usually get evaluated for ASD or something like this if they are what is called 'high functioning'. People don't know much about Autism or Asperger's here. The media often portray autistic people in a distorted and one-sided way. That's why I didn't know until recently i might have Asperger's syndrome.

I might have Asperger's, but let me first describe my mom: she can be confused and not recognize faces, i.e. she's got prosopagnisia (she saw a girl on a photo I'd posted in social media and thought it was me, because the girl was painting and I also like painting), VERY narrow choice of foods she eats and may not like the same food if it is cut differently; almost never goes out for fun and works from home; has no friends, often says the same jokes&listens to the same songs. She told me she was a weird kid and changed herself to cope with life.

Anyway, last year I knew nothing about autism. I fell in love or something like this. I don't know. To answer what feeling it was i decided to be more attentive. I always ponder myself, and decided to track some features that come with that state of mind. I noticed some physical changes and I think I have always had them. That tension in fingers and toes, hands and feet in general. Is it an autistic thing? When I have intense feelings my fingers, toes, hands and feet become extra sensitive, sometimes slightly painful. This sensation of electricity is not brief. I even noticed that some impulses hurried down my body from both sides of my neck. If it familiar to any of you?

I have good cognitive empathy, I guess. I also don't seem to have sensory overloads. When I cried or had hard times there was nobody around to tell me if it's a meltdown or not. I perceive sounds fine. Bright lights seem to be difficult to cope with, I think, for everyone.

As for clumsiness, my mom says I used to be clumsy as a child, and then I started attending dance classes. Well, I remember dancing waltz, samba and stuff, and sometimes I couldn't maintain eye contact with the partner as demanded. Dance did me a good job, improved my posture and I had companions there. Speaking of eye contact, I actually can do it, but not with all people. When someone approaches to ask me the road, I will explain looking elsewhere, turning my body towards the route where the lost person should be heading.

And as a child, I was chatty, outgoing and wild. I would always question authorities and social rules. Now, when I'm typing this, I'm having vivid sensation of electricity on my fingers again. And I also stim. Sorry if this word offends some of you guys, but at least everyone recognizes it. I know neurotypicals stim as well. My stims (stereotypy) are very diverse and usually don't happen at home where I feel safe. When I attended step-dance classes, I would as well dance solely with my feet when I was sitting at my desk in school.

When I get immersed into something, my grades get much lower. I will be obsessed with it, spend my whole days doing it, sacrificing food, study and self-hygiene. I don't often do chores, but it is easy for me to wash dishes because I'm used to it. And when I eventually approach cleaning my house, I do just everything. There's no 'in between'. It's hard to switch activities.

I don't have true friends and usually have information-oriented conversations. If the guy I seem to like will ever tell me he loves me, I don't know what I will do. I just don't know what people say in such situations. He's a lot like me but better -- a programmer/actor/researcher/artist (well, I do arts much better). He's got encyclopedic knowledge in many areas, does historical reconstruction and has a seemingly AS friend who shares his interest in history. Having a great interest in words, which I also do, he has profound knowledge in our native language lexis (and this actually attracted me), whilst I like writing down and memorizing peculiar English words (especially those describing people and emotions), which is probably not so vivid from this post, as I use languages worse than I know them.

Now, I have extremely abusive parents, especially when they are in tandem. I'm still not sure what can trigger their foul reactions. I have even ran away from home to escape physical abuse.

I don't always get the vibe when people talk and I want to join, and I stay aside from my groupmates at Uni as I find their chit-chat boring. I don't get dating and flirting. I don't think I will ever be content in company of someone as close to me as a lover, becoming more introverted each day.

Now, you can see that I'm confused. Please feel free to comment on. Do you have similar experiences? Can you affiliate? What about that finger sensation?

P.S.:I can tell more about my obsessions if you ask.
P.P.S.: If my grammar/word use is funny, you can contact me in private messages. Thank you in advance.

yES good observation. I have that sensation. my hands often get numb and 'heavy' feeling when i am emotionally overloaded.
i guess you know what i mean.
i can get 'bad vibes' from people or a place, and that i can feel as a sensation as you described.
it's interesting it's like our body Compensates for what we lack in 'cognitive empathy', it's like another type.

Also, do you have this-- can sense when people are angry, even if I cannot read FACIAL EXPRESSIONS that well, i feel a 'heat' coming from them?

I feel it strongly around my chest area.
it literally feels like heat coming from them. if i read words from someone who is angry/intense/annoyed, i feel that heat feeling again.
they don't have to physically be there.

there is a lady on youtube who talks about this a bit. She's a scientist.
As a new user i can't post links, but google '10 realistic tips to help empaths' her USERNAME IS aspergers vs neurotypicals. she considers herself in between the two.

Well, at Uni we've been discussing the finger sensation and it's not that uncommon. A girl said she can switch it on and off. And she only mentioned hands.


As to feeling heat or vibes from other people, how do you even do that? Do you feel it as real heat or is it a figurative way to explain this? I think I envy you as you can be so empathetic. When something bad happens to another human or animal, it's disturbing. And when someone is happy, I want to congratulate them and share their enjoyment. But feeling positive or negative vibes is harder to imagine! Maybe it's in their body movements, what do you think? What about crowded places, if everyone has an aura of their own, how do you cope with this?

Hi I feel physical heat. I don’t know what that can be due to.
About what you say (worried how you will act to the guy u like),
I know when I met and married my husband afterwards I was with him I became very much more open and sociable. I improved in all areas. My parents commented on it. They never thought I could pick up on social nuances and be as flexible as I’ve become.
That’s why even now I thank him despite abuse and divorce as I improved so much as a person and in skills.

I still have that skill set now. It didn’t go away. Sure it will never be the level of other people I see but I am much better able to hold conversation, be at ease among people, etc . I think it improves that area of social interaction, from being with someone.

Maybe it's emotional kind of synaesthesia?

I feel it even when I have no other evidence - tone of voice, words, etc- to go by- even if i am not looking at them. When the person is angry

eg if they suddenly get mad at me I feel a strong heat