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Requiring people to be blunt instead of implying things?

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Tufted Titmouse
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05 Jan 2018, 11:19 am

I was wondering, i recently got diagnosed with ASD and recently i have had a few problems with people where it seems i need to be told outright simple things like "im your friend" instead of just assuming these simple things. Without a conformation i cant be 100% of anything so im always fishing for a statement thats an absolute. Is this a common thing or is this just me?



ladyelaine
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05 Jan 2018, 11:22 am

I wish people would just be straight with me instead of playing guessing games.



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05 Jan 2018, 11:26 am

ladyelaine wrote:
I wish people would just be straight with me instead of playing guessing games.


So you relate to this? I keep getting myself into a state because i cant assume something, so unless i have been told with 100% certainty that for example someone classes me as a good friend then in my head its never going to be true because they haven't stated as such. Is it that hard to just say these little things, i always like to be blunt with people or im unsure THEY know......



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05 Jan 2018, 11:30 am

You can't tell a woman who has bad skin and is fat that she has bad skin and is fat.

You can't tell a man that, either, actually.

There's a line being being diplomatic and being overly blunt.

The best way to be is to be diplomatically blunt.



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05 Jan 2018, 11:31 am

Trum wrote:
ladyelaine wrote:
I wish people would just be straight with me instead of playing guessing games.


So you relate to this? I keep getting myself into a state because i cant assume something, so unless i have been told with 100% certainty that for example someone classes me as a good friend then in my head its never going to be true because they haven't stated as such. Is it that hard to just say these little things, i always like to be blunt with people or im unsure THEY know......


As far as friendship goes, a person's friendship is determined by their actions towards me. Do they stay in touch? Do they accept me as I am? Can I trust them not to blab my business to the whole world? Do they have my back through the good and the bad?



HistoryGal
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05 Jan 2018, 11:56 am

What about the friend that runs hot and cold?



ladyelaine
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05 Jan 2018, 12:02 pm

HistoryGal wrote:
What about the friend that runs hot and cold?


Those are the worst. I hate wondering how this person is going to act every time I see them.



kraftiekortie
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05 Jan 2018, 12:27 pm

I find these sorts of people to be unstable, and not worth my time.



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05 Jan 2018, 12:33 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I find these sorts of people to be unstable, and not worth my time.


That's why I avoid those types if I can.



magz
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05 Jan 2018, 12:38 pm

ladyelaine wrote:
Do they stay in touch? Do they accept me as I am?

To me these two contradict :>

To the OP: I relate a lot. I wish people would tell me things like if they forgive me. When I ask, they say "obviously". No, it's nothing close to obvious to me.


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ladyelaine
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05 Jan 2018, 12:40 pm

magz wrote:
ladyelaine wrote:
Do they stay in touch? Do they accept me as I am?

To me these two contradict :>

To the OP: I relate a lot. I wish people would tell me things like if they forgive me. When I ask, they say "obviously". No, it's nothing close to obvious to me.


How do they contradict?



magz
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05 Jan 2018, 12:45 pm

ladyelaine wrote:
magz wrote:
ladyelaine wrote:
Do they stay in touch? Do they accept me as I am?

To me these two contradict :>

To the OP: I relate a lot. I wish people would tell me things like if they forgive me. When I ask, they say "obviously". No, it's nothing close to obvious to me.


How do they contradict?

I disappear from social world for months and then out of the blue reappear. I found very few people accepting this. But I have no energy to do the "stay in touch" thing.


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05 Jan 2018, 12:51 pm

magz wrote:
ladyelaine wrote:
magz wrote:
ladyelaine wrote:
Do they stay in touch? Do they accept me as I am?

To me these two contradict :>

To the OP: I relate a lot. I wish people would tell me things like if they forgive me. When I ask, they say "obviously". No, it's nothing close to obvious to me.


How do they contradict?

I disappear from social world for months and then out of the blue reappear. I found very few people accepting this. But I have no energy to do the "stay in touch" thing.


I get what you are saying. For me, I don't like being the only one initiating conversations and plans. It is hard to stay in touch all the time. Sometimes I don't have anything to say and sometimes the other person doesn't either.



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05 Jan 2018, 2:04 pm

If I'm having to guess.....oh boy,there is a good chance I will get it wrong. Than people get pissed. All could be avoided by being straight with me.



ladyelaine
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05 Jan 2018, 2:12 pm

HistoryGal wrote:
If I'm having to guess.....oh boy,there is a good chance I will get it wrong. Than people get pissed. All could be avoided by being straight with me.


Yep



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05 Jan 2018, 2:40 pm

I tend to limit my exposure in my free to guessing game people. I have enough of it at work.