I've been pushed too far. How do I stand up for myself?

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My grandfather died yesterday, and because of me not being such a pushover, I missed my last chance to meet him.
The last time I saw him was two years ago. I was supposed to go and meet him last week - I knew I was in a hurry. But since I was the only one considerate enough to ask my coworker if she could take the next shift (which hadn't been scheduled, so it could've been either one of us, but technically it was her turn) I had to cancel my trip, because she had already made plans, without asking me, and just expected me to be free for that shift.
I had put so much energy into puzzling that trip together, making sure I could get free from my other two jobs and had someone take care of the dog and the horses while I was gone. And it all blew up because my whole schedule gets decided by whether or not my coworker feels like taking her next shift.

I re-planned my trip to two months later (which means I will be stressed out about it for two months), just to make sure she couldn't make a plan before me. I informed her of it, and she said ok.
Now, she's found some event that she wants to attend that weekend, and is trying to get me to cancel my trip AGAIN. I managed to say no, but now she's trying to make our boss cover that shift, and making it look as if both of us "just don't feel like it".
So while this is mostly about me being extremely upset about missing my grandfather, it's also about feeling so unfairly treated, and this coworker not only messing with my schedule, but also my relationship to my boss, and even my boyfriend, because his schedule also gets messed with when mine changes.

I don't know what to do. My whole life is scheduled around what other people wants me to do. It's as if people can sense that I'll just agree to anything. Even in the supermarket, it's like people just know that they can cut before me in line and I won't say a thing.

I don't want to be like this anymore. This thing with my grandad was the last drop.
But I don't know how to change.
How do I build some confidence?
How do I stop being such a pushover?

I'm sorry for your loss.

Unfortunately there are coworkers out there that will take advantage of you. If it was me I would go directly to my boss and explain the situation. You don't owe your coworker a thing and she's the one being inconsiderate, not you.

I have had the same problem over and over and I eventually realised that to some extent I was training people to take advantage of me. They would ask me to change things at the last moment even though they could have asked me earlier, and because I don't like not to help when I can, I would agree. Unfortunately, instead of appreciating this, most people saw it as a sign that I had nothing else in my life so they did it more and more. Nobody went by what I said, only by what I did. In the end I said no, not every time, but often enough that people stopped assuming I would be available. And it worked. The first time is hardest because people go on and on because they think you will give in, afterwards it does get easier. I did stop doing it after a bit because I thought things were better, only for it to happen again so unfortunately you do have to carry on saying no now and then.

Missing seeing your grandfather is a big thing, I think you should mention this every time you are asked to cover the date you mentioned. Say 'no, I am going to see my family, I rearranged my plans around you last time and my I missed seeing my grandfather before he died' This is a very strong statement that your coworker is unlikely to want to hear over and over. It might be good to practice it.

As far as the general public go, I have not found a solution myself and am regularly pushed, literally into the gutter

Stop thinking that all humans mean well for a start off. Most of them are hellishly selfish.

You should go on your trip and she should have understanding about that. The blame is not with you but her.

Also im not sure its about not being a pushover but about realising that other humans are not really all that nice. They generally tend to be selfish, they don't seem to be able to be anything else.