Is there really no hope for meltdowns?

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I was told that if I was lacking the daily meltdowns as a child I could have skipped grades. As an adult meltdowns cause horrible stress to me and my husband/other relatives and cause self harm thoughts. Not knowing for sure if autism is really part of my makeup and if it is not what is causing the meltdowns causes my depression to worsen sometimes. Therapy attempts fail. There was a period of my life where I had relatively few meltdowns and I had various jobs with non-profits and universities. Then everything went south and I was declared disabled and I haven't worked for 8 years.

What can I do??? I feel out of options to prevent me from getting explosive.

It sounds dumb but for me, its usually a slow background build up with the sensory overload, then a rapid build up and loss of control, then the meltdown. I've found the best way to deal with it is to either slow down my responses (take that breath or few seconds before every decision or response) to avoid doing anything rash, or find something to run along in the background and stick with to help. Like listening to FM radio, following something in the environment or a mundane but slightly entertaining train of thought.

Its all about control for me

I think there's always hope. Not too many years ago, I was still in despair and was having horrible meltdowns. I thought I was the worst person in the world and that I should be dead. Over the past few years, I turned around my perception of everything. Kind of a more selfish mode where I no longer see myself as a problem but rather, other people as a problem. Specifically, people that have a problem with me. I've cut these people off. Nowadays, I'm only surrounded by people who like me and appreciate me just the way I am. My life situation has stabilized. I live in a tiny apartment and have a simple job that doesn't pay much. But it's enough to get by. And most importantly, after work I have the whole night for myself to spend with my cats and engage in my interests. I haven't had a meltdown in at least three years. I have exploded with anger on occasion but it was in a socially acceptable way and I didn't beat myself up over it.

I agree there is hope.
Try to avoid people, places and situations that create meltdowns. Attempt to escape them them if you feel pressure towards meltdown. Try to have your husband and relatives help you find and reach pre-planned safe spaces. If they love you, they should help you be safe. Escape is often difficult because it is embarrassing and disruptive, but not as much as a meltdown.
My safe spaces are my car, my room, or simply sitting with my eyes closed and headphones playing calming music. I always carry my phone with its music and headphones.