therapy or no therapy, and what therapy

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My own experience of therapy is extremely bad. Quite a long horrific backstory there but the crunch point being that I learnt the hard way never to ask for help or rely on anyone but myself for help. But I figure times are different now and there are probably great therapists of different varieties out there, right?

My daughter has been seeing an art psychotherapist for a few months up until her recent diagnosis and whilst she has enjoyed it she wants a break. She enjoys, and gets a lot of peace and calm from, getting stuck into her own projects, doing her art-work, her creative writing, printing out pictures to re-decorate her room with, watching calm videos, listening to opera and classic music and reading. She is very very good at taking down time and amazingly creative. In many ways providing her with the time and resources to do this is the best therapy for her.

The psychotherapist she has been seeing also feels that my daughter functions at a level where she will happily play along, mimic, and be polite enough to go along with the session but that it is really at a surface level and she is not necessarily getting that much from it. This is something the assessors (if that is a word?) said at our recent assessment too, she is very high functioning and masks and will be able to just glide through most talk therapy without actually really engaging too much. Perhaps talk therapy is just a waste of her time? And the idea of art psychotherapy can involve doing art in a way that someone who is as creative as my daughter finds a bit restrictive.

The assessment centre suggested CBT and occupational therapy to unravel sensory issues.

I found an OT that seems brilliant and who has loads of experience with sensory issues, so we are going to give her a go. I am in two minds about CBT.

My daughter is prone to burnout though, and I want to cushion her to avoid that.

So, I guess what I am asking is this: In your experience is therapy valuable? Why? And what type of therapy?

It's not a standard therapy but I've found yoga very therapeutic. It helps calm my mind and helps deal with things that are overwhelming me. I personally hate CBT so I get nothing from it.

^^

Thank you, that is a good suggestion. She does a little bit of yoga but I think the idea of copying other people's movements and trying to get it right is not super relaxing. Yoga gets more relaxing once you know some moves and can do it yourself in my opinion.

I think I might get something like an indoor rebounder where she can kind of bounce and get into a chilled zone.

My instinct is to provide her with things that would encourage her to develop her own strategies for relaxation and calm as opposed to therapy with another person. Occupational therapy will offer that too to some extent as the OT will guide us in the use of objects that might help with her sensory processing and then let her get on with it.

Just want to do right by her and not let my own dislike of therapy result in her not having therapy. But talk therapy or CBT feel wrong to me right now. Also, whilst it shouldn't be like this, I worry that therapy kind of sends the message to her that something is wrong when nothing is wrong and everything is actually really good.

The other thing that really helped me was horses. I don't think I would have survived childhood without them. They were my friends. I don't know how your daughter feels about horses or if they could be available where you are but they are magical creatures. I would spent whole days just being with my horses. They are great listeners and the best companions for adventures.

We did a little bit of horse riding when she was younger before we had any idea she had AS. But my daughter is absolutely terrified of dogs and there were always dogs about the stables and then she became quite scared of the horses too. She doesn't like the unpredictability of animal behaviour. Saying that, her big passion is owls and we have joined a birds of prey sanctuary so went there this past week to see all the owls and then they take the owls out and fly them in a flying field. She loved it. I wonder with time if she can get more involved there.

In her case, maybe it isn't so much the type of therapy but the therapist?

If you are really smart you want a therapist who can push you to do better. Or give you insights that you would otherwise miss.

I've always benefited in working with smart people, both as a student and teacher.

Yes, as a parent you should carefully choose what is best. A bad choice not only wastes time and money, but drains energy from your kid that could be better used elsewhere.

^^

Thank you, I was thinking this myself yesterday.

You are totally right. I just don't know how to find that person, especially given my own aversion to therapists.

I think she needs someone who is more proactive, a leader and awesome role model, rather than a quiet and gentle observer.

Someone who can see her strengths and help her hone the areas where she needs a bit more buffering (mainly, executive functioning, impulse control and social and emotional understanding).

The owls sound like fun. I personally think encouraging any interest in animals is good. We all have a need to interact and when it's hard to interact with humans, animals fill the gap really well. Maybe one day she will have birds of her own. Friends come in many forms.

^^ very very true. Been thinking of getting an African grey parrot.

I love African Greys. They are so intelligent

Yes, I read somewhere they have the intelligence of a 5 year old child. I also love the idea of doing the school run with a parrot on my shoulder. It would really make life so much more fun!

First, ask Whose Therapy, not What. Medicine is littered with schools of psychology that could only be applied successfully by the founder. My counsellor recently retired, and the replacements are both unhelpful. Overall, I'd say that people with a program in mind that worked before are dangerous, while a co-discoverer and research assistant is helpful.

A big clue is how she acts after a therapy session. Is she charged up and ready to go? Or is she drained and retreats?

Well, the art psychotherapy sessions were on a Friday after school so she was kind of tired afterwards. But mostly just kind of depleted from a long week of school. If anything she let out some excess energy and frustration in the sessions. But she is formidable at masking. She told me on one occasion that she didn't trust the therapist. She said she only trusts me and her best friend.

She is most charged up when she plays with her best friend, who she doesn't mask with. And most content and settled when she is stuck into her various projects at home writing books, painting, designing worlds etc.

This is another good point, thank you.

I guess my greatest worry is that so much can fester and start to grow in a young mind. I was very vulnerable when I was sent to a child psychologist and he planted a horrible seed in my fragile brain. I was able to work it out and take charge but it took me a good 6 months. I worry very much about what the wrong person, or the wrong school of psychology might do.

As you comment.... as an adult, with positive experiences in the past, you can readily identify that the replacements are unhelpful. For her, it is very much my job as a gatekeeper to ensure they are the right kind of people, with the right kind of message and as I don't sit in on the sessions I feel this places us in a quite precarious position.

There is no such thing as a quick fix. Realistically, Aspies could use some help every time they approach a new stage of maturity. With that in mind, too little therapy is likely to be better than too much. Especially if that time that would have been used for therapy is used to build confidence by learning and doing things.