After 34 years of feeling different, diagnosed with autism

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Hey guys,

Im a 34 year old male. I got diagnosed with high functioning autism this year. All my life i have been feeling different. I have always trying to find an answer to why i feel different. But i never touched upon the subject of Autism. I always thought artists are weirdos. apparently not. Thats me. But on the high function scale.

My biggest problems in life so far is the social aspects. Feeling emotions and caring for other people. I always felt that i care more for hobbies such as making music, more than i care for people. I feel music more than anything else in my life. I also care more for animals than people. I express myself better at writing or through music than words.

Biggest issue with my autism so far? no relationships so far. No girlfriends. Even if i constantly get shown interest by girls i push them away. Because even when i date, the girls find my interesting, but i do not. I feel socialising is draining and the dating part is especially draining.

I feel most comfortable being at home, listening to music, doing music, working on some projects. It gets lonely pretty often. Maybe i should start dating more? I haven’t really dated for 3 years now. used to date quite a lot. Girls show interest. But not me.

Any inputs?

Most of us here can identify pretty fully with you.

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

A lot of us that have been diagnosed with Autism later in life have similar experiences.

Not that my life experience is any different, but have you ever had a relationship with someone else who is HFA? Someone who also doesn't want to socialize and is okay just playing music and playing with pets? I wish. Why do you think you push people away?

Maybe you could form a relationship without so much socializing.
It sounds like they have appreciated you more than you have appreciated you. Are you exerting more energy than necessary to impress them when it isn't required? Maybe you can conserve some resources here.

Why not just be open about how draining socializing is for you? I've heard rumors that there are girls out there who actually like quiet guys.

I have always found myself to be 'different' than other people.
My name is Bob and I am Aspie. I was diagnosed as Aspie in 2015, (145 of 200) from a certified clinical psychologist who was qualified in Autism testing.
He said to me 'Bob, I think you might be on the Autism Spectrum, your test came back as High Functioning.'
I had never heard of Autism but when I think back I had met a family in Mackay who made a statement, 'our son will never know that we love him.'
It seemed to me that their son was in fact very intelligent and I was not able to see anything other than a very bright and alert 20 yo.
So getting back to my diagnosis, I spent months and months checking out youtube video's on the subject of HFA. I joined an Autistic group in Townsville and went to every social meeting with them, and I continued to cross question myself regarding my life up to the point I was diagnosed.
I did struggle with acceptance of myself for about one year or so, but then it hit me, the penny dropped, I am Aspie and I have always been Aspie.
I think that a quote I read on the internet sort of made the penny drop and it goes something like this; 'what was the highest mountain on Earth before Mount Everest was discovered?'
Of course the answer is: Mount Everest. The point being; BEFORE IT WAS DISCOVERED.
So now I am 58 years young and the year is 2018 and I have come to understand that I have so many wonderful qualities, I do not compare myself with famous Aspie's such as http://www.asperger-syndrome.me.uk/people.htm as I am comfortable with who I am.
Sure I have my meltdowns which are due to overload, and that leads to exhaustion, and I lack social skills, but I accept these facts and look to my positives.
Bottom line is: if you have seen one Aspie then you have seen one Aspie. Be happy with who you are no matter what you believe about yourself; you are so very special.
I would not change who I am for the World.

Welcome to WP!

Hi, I like music too. What type of music do you play?

Hi,

43 years old, realized i'm HFA last October. Still trying to come to terms with it. My life previously makes a lot more sense now, i'm just trying to get over the regret of everything that I am supposed to have been versus what I actually am

The penny dropped for me last November. Quite a shocking realization for me but my life sure makes sense now!

Welcome to WP.

I was dx'ed in around 2011 in my late 30's.

Same issue with relationships. I stopped dating in 2013 and are focusing on my life instead, less painful.

Welcome to Wrong Planet kaup!

I too was diagnosed only a few months ago at 42 years of age with high functioning Autism and more specifically - Asperger's Syndrome. I think you'll find that much of what you say will have quite a few people agreeing with you and expressing interest that they have much in common with you as well.

Socialization does take a great deal of mental effort for me and I simply prefer not to socialize and simply be on my own with my computer games and listening to music. My efforts at socialization are only pursued if absolutely necessary and usually because I'm at work.

As far as dating goes yeah I'm with you there too. Girls have expressed interest but I have never really reciprocated interest in them. Apparently girls see me as someone who is tall, athletic and moderately handsome but to be honest with you my last relationship was December of '97. These days many girls have been quick to mention marriage and that puts me off them even more. The thought of having somebody else there with me all the time is completely unpalatable to me. I prefer my solitude and that is that.

Stick around these forums and read as much as you can and contribute as positively as you can and you'll find reading many of the topics can be quite stress reducing and you won't feel as oddball as you might think you are.

Enjoy!

Welcome.
I self diagnosed at age 38!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

I knew about autism since I was in sixth grade, but only heard of Asperger's in 1997, when I was 32 years old. I read a book about autism/Asperger's at the library and thought much of it described me. I knew I was different most of my life, but I never had the real issue addressed. Even today, I remain self-diagnosed because I don't want to fall into the clutches of an evaluator who will limit my life based on a diagnosis. I don't want my future goals to be taken away from me.

Congrats on your diagnosis!

Coming from a teen with not a lot of life experience (haha), I would recommend learning about the advanced "rules" of friendships and relationships.

Learning about give and take, what constitutes a real relationship, and different definitions helped me to understand that I had the wrong expectations. I thought I would immediately be best friends and connect with everyone.

I learned that you can have relationships with people based on one aspect of life, relationships with people where you just text, and you can separate home, work, school, etc.

Hope this was helpful!