How Different Was Life Before You Got Diagnosed?

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I'm asking this especially to fathers and husbands before they got a diagnosis of aspergers and plenty of other mental diagnosis.

Did you suddenly lose your well paying job, was filed for a divorce, your friends felt less safe around you, and were you patronized and ignored more often as soon as you got the diagnosis?

If none of that happened, how did life get better after the diagnosis? And for the love of God don't sugarcoat your successful life after the diagnosis, but please be blunt about it.

Before, I thought my troubles came from family dysfunction, and I was associating with others "in recovery." I'd already had the job and divorce disasters, etc. With the DX at last, I understood my life, but realized I had nothing in common with my "recovery" friends, and soon stopped giving others the benefit of the doubt when they lost their grip on logic. They, in turn, got offended. Life finally makes sense, but it is very lonely.

Difficulties related to changes at work led to difficulties which led to someone who is familiar with ASD suggesting to me that I might have ASD, which eventually led to my diagnosis.

Honestly, I wouldn't say my life is any better since my diagnosis. I think that my job, before the changes, was much more compatible with ASD than it is now. Knowing that I have ASD, though, doesn't roll back the changes. And from a social perspective, I'm not any better at it than I was before.

It is nice to know why I've felt different all my life and have some explanation for my difficulties, but besides that, it hasn't really done much to improve my life.

P.S. - I have also understood my strengths and limitations much better, instead of expecting to "recover" from some of the nature stuff. I would be much better at choosing a partner, but I can't remember having turned down any suitable prospects anyway.
The few productive periods I had were when, by chance, friends were around whose non-reactions to the social whirl let me also relax about it, so I could focus on engineering.
Most of my life, I thought the smart people were the socially mobile, and that they were just kidding about not understanding math to get out of work. Now, I see that they have normal EQ, but not enough IQ to understand more than a smattering of what's around them, navigating by herd most of the time.

I was only 8 when I got diagnosed with Asperger's, but before then I was more socially accepted at school and felt like a normal kid. Then as soon as I got this label, somebody must have told the rest of the class, because from then on I felt like I was defined by my label only, and I sometimes felt patronised or left out, as though some kids were afraid of the diagnosis and others thought they could treat me like I was much younger. Also, since I got diagnosed, I changed a bit too. The words 'Asperger's Syndrome' kept on going round and round in my head, and I felt like I was broken and also felt singled out. Nobody else in the school had a diagnosis with a fancy name, so I thought I was the only child in the whole world with Asperger's - until I came here, when I was 20. So I think getting diagnosed caused me to doubt myself as a child, and other kids picked up on how badly I viewed myself and so that's why I felt left out sometimes. I do sometimes envy Aspies who slipped through the cracks through childhood and seemed to have a group of NT mates as teenagers and done all normal teenage stuff like sleepovers and hanging out. I missed out on all that as a teenager.

I was three years old when I was diagnosed.

I was a whirling dervish before the diagnosis, and a whirling dervish afterwards.....

I made it to 37 before diagnosis, also triggered by a crisis around changing conditions at work.

All the usual problems presented themselves in primary school. It was 1988, parents and experts were all just confounded instead of finding useful answers.

Folks always viewed me as more or less of a weird guy. I did just ok in school.. poor executive function dragged me below what was possible right through school & work.

Not to be too rough on myself, most of my school/uni mates were also smart enough, not on the spectrum, and also often failed to study hard.

I was HFA, had significant IQ and access to a broad range of self-improvement resources as well as a supportive family and a decent set of experiences and opportunities, so I must have been on the lucky end of things.

Still, though I spent previous years thinking I was basically ok, I actually had very poor social and relationship outcomes, constantly leaning on video games / internet instead.

I developed a decent career as a network engineer branching out into programming/automation. At work I racked up achievements, meaning, respect of peers and often a state of flow while coding.

Raising a family on one income in melbourne, money was perpetually tight.

Through 5 years of marriage, we regularly teetered on the brink. In later years, all seemed lost often enough and that hit me so hard each time. Relationship and work stress caused my depression, overuse of painkillers and thoughts of suicide. With kids in the picture, though, we didn't ever actually separate and there were good times with the bad.

When work changes aggravated my weak points, I went through treatment for depression and finally reached a tipping point of self identification through online research, then diagnosis by self referral via GP / Psychologist.

Since diagnosis, my wife feels more justified looking down on me in many respects. I think I could choose a much better relationship partner if I tried again these days.

If I even just went limp on my partner, she and the kids would have to go to China and grow up with her family there. I think my 2YO daughter is on the spectrum and outcomes for her would likely be much worse in China.

I think I am acting as a gread dad to my son and daughter, except not being great at modeling good social practice. They bring me a lot of pleasure. My determination to be there for my kids is like a rock onto which I have hung on during the darkest of times.

With my new knowledge and a new career move, things seem to be picking up.

In self-kindness and self-worth, I might have to draw a minimum standard of behaviour for my wife, and if she breaches that we might not be able to stay together. Her earning ability is starting to increase, later we might be able to make a go of it, separated in australia.

That probably seems long - I just felt like i had a lot to tell... maybe I should write a book.. starting my diagnosis journey, I thought my experience was so unique. These days I get the sense I'm one of many, of whom a significant number go on to write about it. Thoughts?

Great post, Tim. I have some stuff in common with you.

My mum told me (after dx) that I showed signs of autism as a baby. One was having a new born baby cry long after my twin sister stopped crying that way. Another was having a lot of trouble adapting to solid food. I would gag and vomit it up. Yet another was not being entertained by toys in front of me, I would instead gaze mesmerized at my hands in front of my face.

I was a weird kid with red hair, glasses and freckles which didn't help things. I also went to 7 different schools. Each time a teacher or other adult started paying attention to me and my behaviours, I would leave. At my first high school I was sent to the school psychologist I think because I was failing everything and had no friends. After a year of that, I changed schools. I did a lot better there and actually made some friends. I was told by a careers teacher that I shouldn't attempt uni and to go and find a job instead.

After a few dud attempts at getting and keeping a job, I applied alongside my twin for a job at a mushroom farm. I did various jobs within the farm (my sister left to have a baby) and eventually acquired my forklift, front end loader and boiler operator's tickets. I actually felt clever. But I had bosses who didn't share the same view.

It was work stress that led me to a psych ward stay and after I came out of hospital, I had to see a community psychologist regularly. After a while, this psychologist suggested that I see her colleague who specialised in autism diagnosis. I was like "What's autism?"

I went anyway and after three sessions I was diagnosed with HFA. Huge shock, I remember feeling pretty numb. I tried to go back to work and just get on with things. But I couldn't. I ended up quitting my job, selling my flat and living with my parents.

I had another hospitalisation due to depression. I could not see a way out of it and so was offered ECT. I had 8 sessions of that and ended up feeling a lot better despite massive memory loss.

Since then I have had a few hospital stays due to depression, last time in 2013. I have been ok these last 4.5 years.

Most recently I have attempted a programming TAFE course but left halfway through because my brain can't take it. I got through Java ok but C# was too difficult. I will try tutorials online and when I feel confident enough, go back to TAFE.

I don't tell many people at TAFE that I'm autistic, although some of the students have guessed. I don't know if it's part of a learning problem or not.