How do I fix myself?

Post Reply New Topic

I have done research trying to find a solution to my depression and my lack of social skills but it seems that everyone has different opinion. It is almost like throwing darts in the dark and hoping one of them sticks. Some people recommend I turn to religion, take psychedelic drugs, ketamine treatments, trans-cranial magnetic stimulation, that I should buy a plane ticket to Peru and partake in a Ayahuasca ceremony, that I should start smoking pot. The world is full of self help guru's, life coaches, different psychiatrist and therapist with different points of view and methodologies.

Everybody has tried to give me an answer but it all seems like so much guess work without any guaranteed results. I have lived feeling like this for 25 years and nothing I have tried has helped me. I was overweight so I lost weight by exercising and eating healthy, but I still felt like a fat person inside. I lost my hair at 15 which made things 10 times harder so I got one of those hair tattoos simulate the full head of hair shaved look, but that hasn't helped either. Like I said I tried therapy and medication with no success. I know there are other therapist and medications but I do not have health insurance anymore (damn american healthcare system) so I will have to go on medi-cal which is the free insurance given to low income residents but the pool of potential therapists and psychiatrist who take that insurance are limited. I have 20 thousand dollars saved up but I cant waste the little money I have on something not guaranteed to work.

I know I should at least try what I can before I attempt suicide again but... How long can one wait?

I can't help you with your lack of social skills - no one can, for that matter. That's something you have to work on yourself. But I can help you with your depression. In fact, there's a pretty simple solution for it: antidepressants.

Ignore all that other nonsense that people have fed you.

What is it that really delights you?

Do you have an interest, even an "odd" interest, which fills you with delight?

Meditation under Shinzen Young.
But it wouldn't fix you. It might, however, with time, fulfill / 'equanimize' you.

There are two ways in coping with atrocity of biblical proportion:
1. Trying to distance yourself from it as much as you can and wish it wasn't there. This doesn't work. Because most of the time you will pulled back into it.

2. Getting it as close as you can to it, or go inside it, or pull it inside yourself, and being it, instead of viewing it and judging it / yourself. When you totally surrender yourself with the problems you have, feel it fully, as rupert spira says "tasting it", you may come to the conclusion, that it's nothing good or bad, but just what is. This way, it will no more bother you. Everything is just the way it is you know? if it could be NOT like this, then it wouldnt be like THIS. Practice total acceptance. Everything is just the way it is. If you don't connect judgment to things, nothing is good or bad. It's just there, as is. To make things clear, you chase something that isn't, it's not what IS that is bothering you, but what ISN'T (the way stuff should be). But guess what, "the way stuff should be" don't exist.

search youtube for Rupert Spira. very good man.

EDIT: The stuff above is pure BS. Just had a fight with my whole family and I can't even figure out 1% what I've done wrong. And they are all saying it's my fault because I said something inappropriate. I'm kind of thinking about sleeping in a homeless shelter or the psychiatric ward tonight.