people disrespecting me at work...?

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hey guys!!

i started a new job 3 weeks ago and love it, it is at my favorite restaurant/coffee shop and its really fun, ive been learning alot and adapting fast.

the thing is... everyone really liked me at first, but now that its been awhile and theyve seen that sometimes i have to ask an extra question to make sure im doing something correctly, lose eye contact alot, and mess up my words/sentences often. people assumed i have autism ( which i do but i am not very open about it and usually pass as neurotypical... )

so people have been talking to me like a child ( i am 20 ) and even respecting the 15-16 year olds that work there more than me. and when i want to get in on a convo everyone ignores me or like disbands the chat and goes back to their stuff.

it really hurts me and i wish i couldve at least been the one to let them know, yes, i am on the autistic spectrum. and not rude people saying "oh no wonder you're socially awkward and slow, autism explains it!! ! lol"

i just feel really lousy about myself and have been less work efficient since i know people are always watching me and waiting for me to mess up now. have any of you guys had this problem or similar at work? what should i do to stand up for myself/help the situation? thanks.

it's all part and parcel of working in places like restaurants and other retail outlets. It just sucks--and people have a tendency to take crap out on you.

I hope you're going to college/university, and pursuing a career beyond the retail field. It's not that I'm snobbish about it. It's just that it, by and large, really sucks working in retail. There are lots of people who feel like it's a "dead-end" job, and feel sort of bitter about it. This is reflective in how managers and other employees sometimes treat other employees. Especially those who seem sort of "odd" in some way.

Many smart people are forced to do retail in order to pay the bills, or to get some extra money.

My advice: just concentrate on doing the best job you can. Make sure you dot your "i's' and cross your "t's." Always act professionally, even if somebody seems like they're "disrespecting" you. If there's any sort of harassment (it doesn't have to be sexual), write down the instances. Most of the time, for non-sexual harassment, people just don't do anything. But at least you have a "paper trail."

I am the type who people like after getting to know me a long time. Initially, people think I'm a real rinky-dink, clumsy oaf.

If you don't mind me asking: is your family low-income? If so, you can probably get something like a Pell Grant or something of that ilk. You should fill out the FAFSA. It's not hard. The most difficult part might be in asking your parents for their income information.

That's why I'm glad I'm not working with the public. I had experience with dealing with the public before and I found it daunting and I shyed away from interacting with the public. So I think working with the public will probably bring out my social awkwardness/anxieties more. But interacting with work colleagues seems easier for me, I might just come across as a bit shy and that's it.

I wouldn't like people guessing I have ASD either. It would make me uncomfortable too. So I know how you feel about this. Luckily for me people don't really suspect ASD unless I tell them, as I don't display enough symptoms to make people assume AS.

I don't want to concern or discourage you, but I'm a social worker with a degree in a professional field, and I still deal with people disrespecting me and treating me condescendingly at work. Some of these people know about my autism (they have to because I need a number of accommodations in order to be successful at work), and some of them don't, but they can still tell there's something "off" about me. I can't control my stimming, get very anxious in crowded or noisy places, and don't make eye contact when I speak, which pegs me as different, and, apparently, "inferior". It doesn't help that I'm 25 and most strangers look at me and assume I'm at most 14-16.

The only thing I can think of for you to do would be to confront these people; the next time they talk down to you or make you feel less-than, call them out on it, and let them know you don't appreciate it. I understand it's difficult when people think you're incompetent because it takes you longer to learn how to do things. I've dealt with that in every work environment I've ever been in; I've always felt stupid and slow because everyone else seemed to understand things that were so difficult for me to grasp. These days I just accept that I have a slower processing speed, and let people know that I need more time and more repetition than others to learn new things.

Something else that's been a life-saver for me was getting a job coach. She helped me work on my resume and find this job, and she comes in for a few hours here and there to help me work on things I struggle with, like networking, organisation, communication, etc. If you have a paper diagnosis, you can take it to the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation in your area and request services; it's one of the most helpful things I've ever done for myself.

I am slow to learn new things and have to ask a lot of questions. At the beginning of my college education and career this bothered me a lot and some teachers were disrespectful. With time and practice, when faced with a new challenge, I tell the instructor (or whoever wants me to learn something new): "There is a long lag phase to my learning curve. It takes a while, but once I get it, it's solid. I hope you can be patient with my questions until I get there."

There actually is a long lag phase, because I am a pattern learner. I don't "get" something from just reading about it or hearing it once or twice. I've got to see it in motion, working, see the big picture before things click. In the past, some teachers did dismiss me because I was slow to pick things up. But in the end, all that's important is that I did learn it and can actually use it in a larger context. With time and experience, you will learn more about how you learn and how to let others know how to help you. Good luck.

And btw, the suggestion to get VR involved is a good one. A good job coach can really help. If you don't like the one they give you, you can ask for a new one. And if VR is slow to respond (they are always slow....) or does not help you after the 60-90 days they have to pay attention to you, contact your state' disability rights organization. They have free advocacy and can get VR moving for you.