Fear of care homes.

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My Greatest fear in life is ending up in a care home or some sort of institution I was in hospital for 3/4 months 9 years ago and it was the worst time of my life, the loss of freedom, forced to be around other people, the food and the worry of abuse. I am 29 this month and spend a lot of time worrying about the day I am no longer able to live independently I just hope by this time euthanasia is legal because I really don't want to walk in front of a train. Do any of you fear going into a care home? Have any of you been institutionalised?

There’s no way around fighting to the death for your independence. It’s not like you have anything to lose, either.

I view the subject with concern from different direction, as my mother is getting to a point where the downsides of old age are quite pronounced. Going into a home is something I want to avoid for my mother if at all possible.

Lowest stress is when a person is in control of their own life. I am wanting to keep mum with as much control as possible - it is mum who makes teh call on how many times a day she has a visit from care assistants for assistance with essential tasks, I am aiming to keep mum in charge of paying bills as much as possible, though for the majority of them which are pretty much fixed the magic of standing orders and direct debits take the faff out of them.

I definitely do not want to be looking after mum on the basis of guardianship - that model removes the legal capacity of someone to make decisions and have their will respected. I only want to do things on the basis of being my mum's agent - I ensure my mum's wishes are carried out, I write the necesary letters for mum (because i can type whereas age and one or two other things have made a mess of mum's fine motor skills.

This is also my greatest fear. I struggle a lot with crowded spaces, overheated rooms and small talk. Being propped up in some stuffy carpeted room with old ladies nattering away at me about banal things and crocheted blankets everywhere and no fresh air is literally my idea of hell. I am undiagnosed but I said to my husband that is one reason to seek a diagnosis and insist on isolation in my old age.

One of my sons plans to take care of me when I'm old. He probably doesn't know that involves more than doing laundry and taking out trash. He doesn't want to get married and have kids. I don't know if I like that. He's nearly non-verbal, I'm not sure he can handle my affairs. Maybe he'll change of course.

Oh and as of right now I'd rather shoot myself than sitting in a nursing home with dementia, like my grandma. Somehow her affairs became my charge and I really don't like the nursing home a bit. She's clean and healthy and doing well for a 99 year old lady, still I wouldn't want to live there.

I have seen many care homes and they are awful. I have fought hard for my independence, and started late in many things. I don't want something to happen that could cause me to lose it all and wind up being taken care of.

My mom was in a nursing home for about a month after knee surgery and said that they would FORCE you to socialize. Can only imagine what's that's like for the rest of your life.

Aaaargh! The inside of my head hurts just thinking about that.

For some reason, my worst case fear scenario involves pink crocheted blankets in horrible yarn that both itch and overheat and create static all at once. I find this thought very disturbing.

I have never been institutionalized but I know people in my life that have. Its not a fun experience from what I understand. One chick who's a childhood friend of mine is basically in an institution and doesn't even realize it I don't think. I reached out to her about 5 years ago and couldn't even visit with her because I would have had nowhere to stay(when you visit with a friend you should be able to stay over their house). She said they didn't allow her to have people outside the home to visit with her and we even lost contact because they didn't know me very well so they thought I could take advantage or something. My boyfriend was hospitalized in his childhood for a year as a result of traumatic experiences he went through early on in his life. He fears going to the doctor to this day as a result and he just turned 31 this month.

I have very good experience with the care home I have been in (now I am fully independent).

Depending on your ability you can choose for staying in the care home and receive the support that you need for an undetermined time. Or you can work on getting really independent (for the last care home I am a success story) and the staff will give you tools and teach you things to get on your way to independence. It is not true that you will be independent the next day after you said that is your goal. Depending on your ability to learn this will go fast or slow.

I was already pretty independent. There are levels of giving support. Everyone who is independent has a support level of 0 (=no support at all). I had a level of 1 (=1 hour support for every two weeks). When I broke my elbow I had level 3 (=1 hour support a day) because my physical handicap increased until my elbow healed after having a surgery.

My carer was extremely good, but sometimes I hear different stories from people living in care homes. Things are happening there, which should not happen.

I think it depends on where you're located. In NY they have a lot more services for people with disabilities then say I don't know GA or something. I know FL is supposed to be good with the disabled but they mostly care for the elderly more then anything.

I also have a fear of care homes. I can't stand the idea of forced socialization. Talk to those nice ladies over there. No thank you. Can I talk to the men, instead?

Nursing homes aren't so bad, really. You get three meals a day plus snacks. There's activities galore. You get to go out on field trips if you're healthy enough. You're surrounded by nurses all day. All your medical needs are met. You do share a room; naturally, if you can afford your own home and private-duty nurse then you won't have to do that.

There are lots of demented folks in nursing homes, so you will be running into them all they as they are encouraged - and wheeled out - to mingle with the general population. By and large, care homes are clean and safe. I'd live in one if it came to that.

My wife is a nurse at an extended care facility. Her place seems pretty nice.

When I'm an old lady, I want to be euthanized if I have dementia or severe memory loss, or can't move. I don't want to spend my last days in an institution. I will keep learning languages to keep my mind sharp.

I'm with you, smudgedhorizon. I don't want to die in a care home. I want to stay active, both mentally and physically, until my last days.