Separation Anxiety

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My Encounter with Separation Anxiety

Children do experience some sort of separation anxiety some time in their lives. This is when their trusted parents or caregivers leave them in school or with other people. But, as a primary school teacher my encounter with separation anxiety is a lot different. During the first day of school, one of my students, a pretty little girl threatened her mother that she wouldn’t breathe if her mom leaves her in school. However, her mother explained that she needed to go to work (she’s a pediatrician dentist) and that she told her daughter to be a good girl, that she’s got nothing to worry about because her teacher is going to take care of her…..I also backed up what her mother told her and also gave her reassuring words that everything is going to be fine. But, she still insists that she won’t breathe once her mother leaves. But then, as what she’s told her mother left her and so I started our morning routine in the classroom, telling the class about some house rules and encourage each pupil to introduce themselves. While I was talking in front I can see that pretty girl just staring at me, without moving. I was thinking that maybe she was just anxious that her mother left her and that she’s not in the mood. I didn’t notice that she wasn’t breathing at all like what she said! She just suddenly collapsed from her chair so I frantically called for help. I also quickly dialed her mother’s phone number. After being checked by the doctor, it was found out that she was holding her breath for several minutes which made her collapse. I couldn’t imagine how it was possible for a little child like her to do such a thing. But, then the doctor said she not only have separation anxiety. She also has suicidal tendencies. From then on, everybody was closely watching her in school. She also had her caregiver with her (inside the classroom) all throughout the duration of the class.

My daughter also had/has separation anxiety and transition anxiety. It has gotten much better now but was very hard when she was younger.

Here are some things that have helped us.

(1) Transitional objects or activities; things that help ease the transition from being comfortable with her mother to being alone (in the classroom), for example, sucking on something - we used bach's rescue remedy drops, bringing in an object, having a note from her mother she can read when she leaves, getting immediately involved in an activity and not waiting around.

(2) Arriving at the classroom before the others, this has been the greatest solution. She goes in early avoiding the sensory over stimulation and hustle and bustle of everyone arriving. As she picks up everyone else's energy and emotions having some time alone before they all arrive to sit quietly and read or just compose herself has been the most useful to us.

(3) Safely objects, depending on age. Objects she can bring in from home and keep at school - a locket, a toy etc.

(4) If there are any sensory needs, adding things like restive clay (type of putty) that she can sit and squeeze can really help ease the anxiety of transitions. An occupational therapist will be able to tease out a specific sensory profile for this child and recommend how to best support her.

I would avoid associating good or bad language with her behaviour and not call her a "good girl" or bribe her with stickers etc. This is a real need and a real anxiety and how you and the mother help her resolve this will allow her to take forward coping strategies that will be of use for her for the rest of her life.