Autistic regression? Becoming more autistic with age?

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Hi everyone,

I'm sure this has been asked before, perhaps many times, but rather than try to revive inactive threads I thought I'd start a new one.

Does anyone feel their autism has become more pronounced as they've grown older? If so, how does this affect you emotionally? Is there anything you've found to halt or reverse your decline?

I ask because over the last decade I believe I've noticed an increase in the severity of my autism, and a decrease in my cognitive abilities. Any progress I thought I had made towards 'neurotypicalizing' myself (not that I believe anyone should; but let's face it, it can make life easier, no?), albeit very slight and wholly unsuccessful in its execution, seems to have gradually slipped away. Everything about me, literally every facet of my autism, appears to have increased exponentially, in direct inverse proportion to my overall cognitive decline. It's something I'm totally aware of, yet seemingly unable to change, and it's really bothering me. Overreaction perhaps, but I'm considering going selective mute, and pretending to be deaf (that is, supposing I can learn sign language), on account of how difficult speech and eye contact have become.

I don't understand how this is happening, or why. In fact, I'm not absolutely certain it's happening at all, as opposed to me simply becoming more aware of my autistic traits. I just feel far more autistic as I get older, and that the functioning parts of my brain are shrivelling up. I've tried speaking to several doctors, but cannot get any to take me seriously. I even mentioned early onset dementia to them, which they all dismissed out of hand.

Does anyone know what I'm talking about, and would care to share their experience? I'm open for PM conversations, too.

I would guess that you're becoming more aware of your autistic traits.

People don't generally get "worse" as they age. I sense that many people "think" they do, though.

The more insight one has into one's autism, the less serious the autism is (almost definitely).

Yes, I know what you're talking about, agwhanooo, and I'm reasonably certain (though never completely) that I had already begun noticing it before my formal diagnosis a couple of years ago.

Firstly, as you mentioned, I seem to have more difficulty with social interactions, particularly when I'm with a group of people. My ability to follow the speech of a particular individual and to ignore distractions seems to have slowly declined, and hearing/eyesight tests have not found any physical change which would explain this. Even when I'm around people that I've known for decades now, my tolerance for being around other people is not what it used to be (it was never good!), and I seem to become over-stimulated more easily than in the past. In part, this might be just the "empathy gap" widening because I have not married, had children, bought a house etc. like most of my peers, but I definitely feel that this doesn't explain everything.

My executive functioning also seems to be poorer. I seem to struggle more with initiating tasks and decision making, and to be spending ever more time in a dissociative, "zoned out" state of mind. In this respect, one autistic trait actually seems to have declined; when I'm engaged in special interests, I don't feel the same "hyper-focus" that I used to, and I'm more liable to drift off into a blank, "empty-headed" kind of state - it saddens me how this has affected my reading in particular, often finding myself staring vacantly at the page with no idea how or when I ground to a halt and little memory of the preceding paragraphs or pages.

Is this a worsening of autistic traits? I think kraftiekortie is right that it probably isn't. But at the same time, keeping up the "mask" of normality and the daily battle to get things done despite executive function problems does require energy - an awful lot of it sometimes, as I'm sure you are well aware. So I figure that it is much the same as not being able to jump as high, run as fast, walk as far, etc. as when I was younger; the autism is the same, but the coping mechanisms drain my energy that little bit faster with every passing year.

I am often my own worst enemy myself.

I would bet, should I meet you, that you would seem "quirky," rather than autistic.

Many times, "not being able to find the right words" has roots in anxiety, rather than autism. I know this from experience.

I've known it become more or less noticeable over time in my own case, but it's hard to rule out environmental changes, so I can't really say my absolute level of autism has changed. I suppose fatigue, burnout, anxiety and depression can unmask impairments. And improved coping strategies might push things the other way.

I remember reading an article about how most women find out they're on the spectrum later on in life because the traits or stimming becomes more obvious with age as their ability to camouflage became more difficult with the change that age brings.

It does sound like you may have external reasons for how you feel.

The Autism itself does not get more "severe". What tends to happen is continually putting so much effort to "pretending to be normal" or "masking" our autism catches up with us. "Masking" is stressful. Everybody has their limits they can not go beyond. Everybody as they get older starts to slow down. When you add the stresses of disability and masking this can speed up this process.

As we get stressed it gets harder to contain our natural autistic traits. An inelegant analogy is having to pee. At first we can "hold it in" without anybody else being the wiser. After a while it get hard to concentrate, we start walking funny and rushing through things. Eventually you do lose control. The rough autism equivalent is a meltdown.

Autistic Burnout: The Cost of Coping and Passing

I don't know the OPs age, but if you are pre or menopausal age I have heard hormonal changes can be a huge factor.

How old are you? If you're in your 30s or 40s you could be entering perimenopause. It's a time of fluctuating hormones and your estrogen starts to decrease and estrogen is neuroprotective. In my late 30s my sensory processing issues started getting worse and it reminds me of what I felt like when I was a little girl before puberty. Decreasing estrogen is also related to issues with memory, cognitive and executive function. I'm experiencing all of those issues too. It's not just the hormones in my case though, I have a bunch of chronic health issues and am still in the middle of this horrible burnout and still trying to accept that I am very likely autistic.

The cognitive issues cause me the most frustration I think. A few years ago I was getting A+'s in my favourite university courses and now somedays I can work and other days I sit down to code and just can't get anything going and break what's already there and I get so frustrated with myself. I know I need to let go of past-better-functioning-me and learn to work with what I've got now but it's hard. I keep hoping things will go back to how they were but it just doesn't seem likely.

I don't have any solutions for you but you're not alone in this.

Thank you everyone for the replies. Sorry I can't respond to you all individially.

ASPartOfMe, thanks so much for that link. I'd heard the terms "autistic regression" and "burnout" but hadn't properly researched them; the link you provided clarifies what they are and that burnout is indeed what's happening to me. It's somewhat of a relief in one way, and a shock in others.

I'll skip the bulk of the details but yes, some major negative events occurred.

leahbear, I have a whole slew of chronic illnesses, too. Maybe on account of these, even though I'm only in my mid 30's, my hormones and endocrine system have started packing up and moving out . I didn't link the cognitive decline to that, because I thought it was something organic to my autism causing it, but what you and the other posters say makes complete sense. I'm sorry you're feeling so low. Although I can't offer you any solutions, either, I can only comiserate with you and say my PM box is there if ever you feel the need to chat.

You actually seem to be a person with high intellectual ability.

And I believe you have lots of "class," too. You seem like you were raised well.

You make sure everybody who contributed to the thread is validated. Which is something which, actually, is "social."

You definitely have "social ability." Perhaps, like myself, you struggle in "real time" when it comes to "social" things.

I feel like I know EXACTLY where you’re coming from on a few of these points, even though I’m only looking at changes from age 16 to now (nearly 27).

Also find it funny that occasionally I too consider pretending to be deaf just to give myself a more concrete and “visible” excuse to be disengaged from people… It’s hard when your autism is somewhat invisible to others, but pervasive and obvious to you.

I don’t like the term “regression” though. I think there are times in my life where I become a bit more isolated or where I have more issues related to my autism. And there are other times where these things are less noticeable and I feel more “normal”. Hard to say why this happens, maybe just the ebb and flow of life. I think I’m the same person in all of these contexts, the differences are just my circumstances and mindset. Hence, I wouldn’t call it regression - doesn’t seem fitting

There are some things that factor into this though. I feel more autistic the more socially isolated I [let myself] become. The more effort I make to socialise, the more accepted/less alienated I feel. It’s the alienation that really brings out my autistic traits, particularly because I can get so comfortable in it and lose myself in non-sociable pursuits. I feel like we can feed into it more or less, and really push the limits of ASD in either direction if we allow ourselves

I have to make conscious choices to “reintegrate” myself into society, and usually it resolves a few of the issues I’m currently facing as a result of my ASD, even if it’s exhausting and emotionally turbulent to try and act NT all the time. IMO that’s one of the curses of being “high functioning”. People might say “It could be worse, you could have this or that”. But the truth is, it’s bad for its own reasons - I can control some aspects, and others I can’t, and I have to work extra hard simply BECAUSE I have the power to make a difference with the choices that I make and the awareness that I have. It’s a constant, uphill mental battle with my own demons and perceived limitations

I don’t know if this is helpful at all, but I hope that this provides some perspective and understanding, if it’s similar for you