Telling close friends you're aspie

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Hi. I'm sure this has been asked before, but what advice would you offer on telling close friends you are autistic?

I have a small friend group of 10+ years, everyone lives in different parts of the country now but we stay in touch though a group chat and social media. We don't all talk every day, but we stay in touch on the group chat and we see each other at holidays, and sometimes make special trips to visit.

Only one of them knows about my diagnosis. The others know me well and are familiar with my quirks, awkwardness, shut downs, panic mode, etc. I feel like I want them to know. I feel like I'm keeping a secret from them. I feel like it might make sense to them if they know for sure. Maybe some suspect it or maybe they've talked among themselves. I don't think they would freak out, but I just don't want to make a huge deal out of it. It would have to be over text, but I think I would tell them individually, not in the group chat.

Idk... I don't want it to be a mistake, but I'm getting more comfortable talking about AS and I've actually casually told a couple of other friends not too long ago and they took it really well. I just want them to know and be able to think about it or ask questions if they want. I know my behavior can be confusing and it's caused them trouble at times, but they've stuck it out, so I feel like they deserve to know.

I told everyone, except my own family. I told colleagues, occupational physician, my boss at work, my family-in-law. Be prepared for the usual reactions : "oh, I have that too !", and they forget about it almost immediately. "Will you come to my extremely loud and chaotic birthday party next week ? Oh come on, why not ?"

Be prepared to have to repeat it ... uh ... a zillion times ?

The way that I've found best is not to make a big talking point about it, but to look for opportunities where raising it naturally makes sense. For example, if I find myself in a situation where I've embarrassed myself in front of a friend, or they pointed out something to me that they found odd, it is a good opportunity to say "Well, actually, I've found out why it is that I do that...". Also, it pays to emphasise that your diagnosis doesn't change a single thing about you - you haven't suddenly gained a new "illness", it's just an explanation for what was always there.

The other thing to always remember is that, once you've told one or two friends, it's very likely that they will tell other mutual friends, either by way of gossip, or by accidentally letting it slip (this can very easily happen if any of them drink alcohol, for example!) Personally, I have known my few good friends long enough that I feel I can trust their judgement about who it is appropriate to tell or not, and I make it clear that is is not a "taboo" subject or a secret which they have to keep (it's easy to forget how big a favour it is to ask someone to keep a profound secret - it puts them in a position where they could accidentally spoil a friendship because of a momentary lapse of concentration or one beer too many.)

FWIW, being more open about my autism has improved my friendships in the long run, I feel. There were some unexpected reactions from a couple of people at first (ironically, the ones who considered themselves the most "clued up" about autism.) But on the whole, it has really helped with my social anxiety because there is now less pressure on me to "pass" all the time, and I find it easier to admit when I have misunderstood (or have been misunderstood) so that little issues don't build up into bigger problems.

As with any such advice, "your mileage may vary", but it sounds as if you have a good bunch of friends who accept you as you are, "quirky" traits and all.

Don't have friends---problem solved.

Unfortunately I didn't have any friends left by the time I was diagnosed. If I ever make knew ones then I will tell them because otherwise I will have the same problems I have always had.