Something I hate

Post Reply New Topic

I really hate it when I ask someone to do something small for me and their first reaction is, "Say please first"
I can't stand it and can't think of anything more rude than to demand a please, this happens after simply forgetting to say an over used word, and then makes me feel like they are training me like a dog.

They make you do that at age 17? I thought that was only done with children.

With teens and adults, I've generally thought people would just silently think less of you for not asking by yourself.

Do they know you have ASD? Do they think they're teaching you social skills somehow?

One time, when I was about 20, I had this grumpy bus-driver who was sarcastic with me for not saying please. I was sitting right at the front of the bus and there was no bells to press until further up the bus (it was a rather old-fashioned and poorly designed bus). So instead of going halfway up the bus to ring the bell, I just stood up and non-verbally indicated that I wanted the next stop. He then snapped at me, "the word you're looking for is please! Or ring the bell, if it's too much trouble for you!"
I felt upset after that because there was no need for him to be like that. It's not always rude to not say please. I was going to say thank you when I got off, but he made me change my mind.
I hate it when people overreact over something so trivial.

I was taught to say "can you do that, thanks" instead of saying please, and it's not even a question, but a statement.
That way you don't have to say "please" and "thankyou", unless you really want to.
Plus you're not begging.

I'm trying to learn spanish (not very well) and spend a lot of time in Spain. I read that the spanish regard the brits as too polite and over-formal... always saying please and thank you. Generally, you just have to get a please or thank you into the transaction once and leave it at that. The spanish also have something known as the polite imperative... which is great. They'll say stuff like "sit down" or "speak to me" and it's not regarded as rude at all. I was amazed when a waiter at a cafe said it to me... so it's true.

But in the case of grumpy bus drivers... it's more their problem than yours. I wonder what their basic problem really is, like trouble at home or something. It still ruins your day, though.

I pretty much always say 'please' and 'thank you'; and do my best to mean it. After all, I'm requesting that someone assist me; if they do assist me, I'm grateful for their help. If they're wearing a name tag, I often address them by name. I try to smile. So many people do so many things which contribute to making my life easier, or even possible; why would I treat them with disrespect? Aren't our communities angry, alienated, and uncaring enough already? I can't prevent it, but being courteous is the absolute least I can do to not participate in the dissolution of society into barbarism.
I don't understand the resistance to at least attempting to be polite.

Is it the whole rest of the human race who is at fault?

Or is it you who are at fault?

We cant tell because we don't have a dash cam on your shoulder to follow you around to see how you interact with folks.

But if you literally NEVER say "please" then its to be expected that folks will react with an attitude toward you because most folks have it drummed into their heads by elders to say please and thank you.

Now it is true that some folks go overboard. Like an old geezer who I would cross paths with at a local shopping center who you would hear say "you're welcome" when you weren't talking to him(got the impression that he did that to everyone of each of the three generations younger than his- like it was his personal crusade against the falling standards of etiquette, or something. ).

One time I was leaving a fast food place the same moment he was entering. We reached for the door from opposites sides at almost the same moment. But He started pulling the door open a nanosecond before I started to push it open from the inside, and I was thrown off mentally for a moment by the door not resisting my push...and ofcourse as we passed each other threw the door he did his "you're welcome" sarcastic thing (that previous moment I was mentally thrown I forgot to say "thankyou"...and he shoulda seen that I was in the process of opening the door for myself anyway because my hand was already on the door.). Jeeze! Lighten up gramps.


But if you get that a lot from many different folks it might not be other folks who are to blame. Just sayin.

SplendidSnail
Yes, they know I am autistic and I have tried to talk this over with them before. They also know I have ODD, that while well controlled I still have to actively control and this can be a trigger for it.

Raleigh
I like that a lot better. I try to ask nicely for things, but a lot of the time this happens is after a meltdown or panic attack and the frustration at that they mistake for being pointed at them. After being told to "Say please first" it then is directed at them.

Piobaire
I personally don't like people saying please to me either, it makes me feel uncomfortable and makes me worry that they may be trying to manipulate me. While I admit I may not be amazingly polite, I do still try to be nice and if I am getting angry, I try to keep it to myself. I think it's a lot ruder to make someone say a word before doing something simple, like turning down a tv a little bit so I can sleep.

naturalplastic
I don't think I am without fault at all, but I don't like it when people say please to me, so it isn't obvious to me most of the time that others want to hear it. I do try to say it when I remember, but I don't want people to talk to me that way just because I forgot to.

I hate it when someone says, "Can I ask you a question?"

that was a question!, why not just ask it without saying that first!

But "please" and "thank you" shows that you respect the person. That you appreciate the person's efforts on your behalf.

If you don't say "please" or "thank you," the other person would feel you're trying to be a boss, or taking him/her for granted.

A request, without "please" or "thank you," becomes a demand.

Exactly right, kraftiekortie. Please and thank you go a long way.

Some people, however, say things like "Would you?" or "Could you?" or some similar thing. It sometimes sounds passive aggressive from some people.