TOO lonely!

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Pillar
Snowy Owl

Joined: 21 Mar 2018
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 141

05 May 2018, 9:04 am

My friends don't talk to me anymore. It's been 2 weeks since I stopped bothering to contact them and they don't talk to me. I don't know why, not gonna bother searching it's I suspect it's all passive aggression they choose to make

I am a scapegoat so my parents are no source of talking either. Neither are my brothers

Therapist appointment is in two days

I want euthanasia, I have nothing to live for. I try to work on success but the demons which are actually people who have made a conscious choice still hurt me in the form of wounds

I am nothing more than a victim because of other people's needs - my father's anger and self-hatred projected on me, my therapist's hunt for money (and my father is even compassionate to that son of a b**** by saying "he did this for survival")
I am not meant to live this life. Someone PLEASE, PLEASE!! ! BE COMPASSIONATE AND FIND ME A EUTHANASIA PLACE FOR ME TO PEACEFULLY END MY LIFE!

SplendidSnail
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Jul 2017
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 892
Location: Canada

05 May 2018, 9:30 am

That sounds really hard. I genuinely hope things get better.

Try not to think that people don't contact you because they don't care about you. Honestly, the only people that I really talk to specifically for the sake of talking to them are my parents.

I get along really well with my brother, and we very definitely both care deeply for each other, but yet the only time either of us seems to phone each other is when we have something specific that needs discussing - never to chat. So it can easily be multiple months without talking to him, and even then, conversations tend to be short and to the point.

I read a page on tvtrops yesterday. I'd started out on the page about "You shall not pass", but ended up on the page about "You are not alone".

Not the kind of page you'd expect to find on tvtrops, and I think it applies in this situation. Have a read. I hope it does you good.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/YouAreNotAlone/RealLife wrote:

It doesn't matter who you are, what you look like, how old you are, where you're from, what you do for a living, what religion you are, your opinions, SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE loves you and cares about you. Be it your friends, your family, or some random person on the street, there's always someone that wants to see you smile, even if it doesn't seem like it. Love and affection are present everywhere you look, and if you're considering hurting yourself, for the love of God, think about this before you do it. Even if nobody you know or met cares (and I guarantee that they do), there's a million people you've never met who don't want you to hurt yourself. I know I don't. So go hug a kitten, pet a puppy, smell and give someone flowers, tell a joke, be happy. Because as long as you live, you will never, ever be alone.

The full page from tvtropes:
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Y ... e/RealLife

_________________
Level 1 Autism Spectrum Disorder

Arganger
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 30 Apr 2018
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,707
Location: Colorado

05 May 2018, 9:40 am

Pillar wrote:

Death is a terrible way to handle this, killing yourself won't make anything better and kills all hope with you. Things can actually get better, but it takes time. If you killed yourself now, things would never get better and your entire life would suck because you would be dead.

Call 1-800-273-8255, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. There is also an online chat version.

_________________
Diagnosed autistic level 2, ODD, anxiety, dyspraxic, essential tremors, depression (Doubted), CAPD, hyper mobility syndrome
Suspected; PTSD (Treated, as my counselor did notice), possible PCOS, PMDD, Learning disabilities (Sure of it, unknown what they are), possibly something wrong with immune system (Sick about as much as I'm not) Possible EDS- hyper mobility type (Will be getting tested, suggested by doctor) dysautonomia

Pillar
Snowy Owl

Joined: 21 Mar 2018
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 141

06 May 2018, 7:08 am

I can't rely on anyone for contact. I have insecurities. Either that, or idealistic thoughts - seeing myself not for any diagnosis, striving high (nothing but a dream and purpose with no motor/autonomy (yeah, I know it's part of the problem of the diagnosis))
I fight for my life, want to become successful and successful in volunteering, but I have no drive, and my mind stops me. I'm going to see a therapist to hopefully put an end to this, but if I can't live the life I want, then I really see no point in living

And I STRONGLY disagree with the quote - if someone loved me, I would feel it and would not want to go away from them

Pillar
Snowy Owl

Joined: 21 Mar 2018
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 141

06 May 2018, 8:26 am

People say I am an intelligent person, so that means I must have intelligent reasons to die
So about those euthanasia locations - where can I find them, considering the possibility that I may have to come as a foreign individual?

Arganger
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 30 Apr 2018
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,707
Location: Colorado

06 May 2018, 9:25 am

Pillar wrote:

You can be smart and irrational at the same time, everyone who wants to die thinks they have a good reason, but killing yourself is pointless.

You say you have goals, right? If you die you won't get anywhere with them, but if you live, even if you cannot get to the exact point you want, you can get somewhere on them.

Pillar
Snowy Owl

Joined: 21 Mar 2018
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 141

24 May 2018, 5:43 pm

Arganger wrote:

Pillar wrote:

Sorry, but this statement was just wrong - if people who want to die think they have a good reason, then there IS a good reason
If someone wants to die, it's because they have NO WAY of earning the goals THEY want!
Changing goals is unacceptable, it's like going around in circles and it's extremely unhealthy for the human psyche

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