Elopers

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Those of you who were elopers as children (people who wander off), or who still are, I am very curious about that and I am wondering the reasons why Autistic people do that. I was never an eloper because I had fear. But I imagine that if I had been one, it would have been either to escape situations which caused me anxiety or which were too overwhelming, or because I was really interested in checking out whatever I wanted to see. I would love it if you guys who were or still are elopers could share your experiences and why you elope. Thank you.

I don't usually wander off far enough to get lost (I am often wandering around outside during PE or in my house or something like that), but I often just start walking, kind of immersed in my own thoughts, without any predetermined destination. I have read that autistic people can also elope to get away from a sensation/situation, or to go to a more pleasurable sensation, so that may also be a reason. Oftentimes though, I don't realize that I'm doing it. I just kind of start walking.

I can totally understand that. I often get lost in my own thoughts in a similar way. The only difference is that I tend to stand still when I do and then other people have to bring me back to earth and move me along. But I can totally see how someone would just get into a rhythm of just walking when immersed in his or her thoughts. Actually, I can do that when I am swimming laps too. I kind of just get into a perpetual movement and just get lost in my own mind. Thank you for this post. I had not thought of that but now I see how it makes total sense.

I was somewhat of an eloper as a child. While I didn't wander off (I feared punishment too much), I did wander around a lot. For example, I lived in a small town until age 10, where most kids walked to school. My parents started letting me do that in 2nd grade. As a result, I never walked straight home; I'd wander around the streets, wherever my eyes took me, for over an hour, before finally deciding to make my way home. I was a latchkey kid, so my parents were none the wiser. Until one day, someone they knew saw me wandering and told them . I got in big trouble that night . After that, my parents started enforcing a strict time limit on walking from school. My wandering became limited to checking out one street, if that, then sprinting home. On the plus side, I learned all the streets between my home and school.

As you already guessed, my family was very rough, harsh, and strict, enough to give the US Marines boot camp a run for its money. So after learning about street children in Third World countries, I became jealous of them . I loved the idea of having the entire city as my oyster and playground: where I can walk around as I please, play with stray animals, eat stolen food, drink stolen alcohol, sleep in a train station in winter and under the stars in summer, improvise toys out of found objects, and best of all, have nobody telling me what to do. It felt like my personal heaven . (Being an aspie kid, I overlooked the fact that I'd probably be bullied by other street children.)

After I turned 10, my family moved across the country to a big city, where all public school districts had buses. So I no longer walked to school; plus, streets weren't as safe for a kid to walk by himself in the first place. It wasn't until I finished 8th grade when my parents once again let me travel around the city by myself, as a graduation present. Except it was by city buses, rather than on foot. Needless to say, ages 10 to 13 felt like prison.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 25 May 2018, 3:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

As a kid I used to elope a lot in stores and shopping malls because interesting things would catch my attention and I'd wander away from my parents to go and see them. Still today when out in public, my mom jokingly takes my hand and says, "hold my hand, don't wander off!"

As an adult, I mostly elope to escape anxiety-inducing situations. I wandered away from my office Christmas party last year and wound up in a field with a river running through it. I love watching running water, so I sat and watched it for a while. When I went to go back to the party, I realised I didn't know the way and was lost. I wandered around town for 45 minutes, and by the time I found my way back, my friends were on the phone with the cops, freaking out because they couldn't find me.

Much like StarTrekker for me. I can go for miles trying to flee over-stimulation when I have a melt-down, and I also seem to seek out natural settings as somewhere to try and recover. People need to be careful when I'm trying to elope due to overload; I don't mean any harm to anybody, but if they are in my way or they try to restrain me, then I will try to fight off the "obstacle" that I perceive is preventing me from getting away.

I don't often drift away out of fascination as an adult, unless I'm out on a country walk where that is my intention anyway. As a kid, I'd did used to get separated from my parents quite a bit, though I rarely got far because road traffic scared me, and my Mum was usually quick to work out where she would be likely to find me (mirrors, Lego, fluffy things, etc.)

If you like to wander/explore, the best way to get that fix is to take a cruise solo. I did that twice. You can walk around your ship anywhere you please, as long as you don't into restricted areas, and no one will say a word to you. On cruise ships, that behavior is not only tolerated, but accepted. Oftentimes, people will walk around their ship just for the heck of it. It's also really easy to make friends on a cruise; I succeeded at that smashingly.

I actually don't recommend walking around like that in ports of call, except in touristy areas. Many cruise ports are in Third World countries, with poverty and high crime. It's far too easy to become a victim of a crime, if you absentmindedly wander around in a typical aspie fashion. Save that behavior for your ship.

No problem!

Most of the time, I stayed where I was supposed to, always during school (I never tried to run off). I've left locations I am supposed to stay in several times. As a little kid, while my mom took me shopping, I liked to walk off when she wasn't looking- to hide in the clothing section. After a time, I would come out. Later on, during the times when I was very emotional (or trying to avoid a meltdown) as a teenager and a bit beyond then- occasionally I would leave whatever building I was in and take a walk without telling. One experience, while I was very angry, I left the CBT's office and walked into a very dangerous neighborhood behind there (I was told I was in danger when my mom and therapist came looking for me afterwards). I wasn't thinking clearly at the time...I remember it was shady where they told me to get in the car...the asphalt was cracked all over where I was walking...I just knew I had to get away from the situation. This very possibly occurred after I was grounded (in front of the therapist) from playing video games at home and during car trips. The punishment felt truly unwarranted to me.

Last edited by Lumi on 27 May 2018, 12:22 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I was a really clingy kid, so I was more afraid of being separated from my family than I was of being overwhelmed by a chaotic environment. If I wasn't with my mom, though, I had no qualms about bolting. I did it a couple times when I was dropped off at extracurricular classes. I remember one occasion, I was at a school and the class started doing an activity that involved too much sensory input, so I ran. No one noticed. I wandered around the mostly empty school grounds (it was after hours), poking my nose into classrooms. I stumbled across a basketball game in a gym, found it too loud, and eventually wandered into a courtyard and sat on a fountain, watching the water. It was a very enjoyable experience.

I thought Elopers were people who ran off & secretly got married. I thought people who wander off were called Wanderers. I had anxiety issues since I was a kid & also pretty dependent(still am somewhat) so I kept pretty close to my parents when out. I spent most of my time in my room alone thou at home & hated my parents but stuck by them when out cuz they were my only option. I'm pretty needy & clingy with my girlfriend but she's kind of the same way so it works out. That caused major problems within my previous two relationships thou. Being on anxiety & OCD medication nowadays helps some.

I wandered a lot as a kid. I got separated from my parents in Disney World, in parades, I even ran after my dog when she got out of our yard once and ended up in a neighborhood I didn't know... took me 4 hours to sort out how to get back. I loved wandering with a dog probably the most, because no one would bother me, and I had a friend just as eager as I was to explore. I remember the first time I got good enough at riding a bike to make it 14 miles to the edge of the suburbs of the city I grew up in, where a huge flood wall separates it from the swamp.

As an adult, I still enjoy a good wander, but now that I can drive, fly, etc. my range is a good bit farther. I am a field biologist, so I spend a lot of time wandering for work. Sometimes I go with others, but my favorite is going alone. I've spent years systematically walking the montane forests of Central America for my dissertation, and currently am working on a lot of desert-wandering type projects.

In my off time, I love driving across country with my cat. She likes the car, so we just park among the truckers and sleep there in my sleeping bag. We've been to the Grand Canyon, all of route 66 right to Santa Monica, New York City, most of the eastern Seaboard, all of the Gulf coast. I am hoping to drive to Mexico sometime this year, but the cat will stay home for that one.

Anyway, what is it about wandering that is so satisfying? Well, it gives me time to think about a lot of things, time to think while also feeling productive. I think I need a good wander to make myself feel game to interact with people again. Maybe it just gives me things to talk about, but I think it's more than that. It gives me something that a Netflix binge never can, but it's hard to express.

Last edited by Fern on 28 May 2018, 10:53 am, edited 2 times in total.

^ Yes, I quite agree, especially wandering surrounded by nature. I don't seem to be able to think half as effectively unless I'm in motion. If there's anything troubling my mind and I can't get out to walk, I end up pacing around in circles like a trapped tiger, stimming like crazy - otherwise I can never break the circular thinking or disappear into a daydream.

I wonder if wandering is like a world-view stim. Sometimes moving through an environment lets you see all of the depths it has to offer.

I think there are two different terms.

Wanderers: these are kids with Autism that just hyperfocus on the moment. They see something interesting, and everything goes out the window. I see a pond. I NEED to really see that pond and take off. The fact you are on a school trip with 50 other kids that are being chaperoned around a nature trial isn't a thought in your head. You aren't worrying about getting lost or upsetting people.

Interesting thing/situation----->I NEED THAT------->gone

NT children will do that type of thing until around age 5. I had a 5th grader with Aspergers who would wander on field trips. He had no clue how him leaving without asking affected other. And he wasn't being a jerk. His impulse control and self awareness was low when it came to these situations.

Eloper: running/leaving due to being overwhelmed, overstimulated, or in the middle of a meltdown. Stress+anxiety+intolerable situation (person specific). The kids that eloped at my school wouldn't even realize they were running. They'd run into street full of moving cars. Climb the yard fence, run through their neighborhood and stop not knowing where they are at. Even if their own homes were 3 houses down from where they stopped.

Worse part of both reasons is you can really wind up putting yourself in dangerous situation. My friend's son ran into a fast moving stream to see a turtle. We had a kid at school get hit by a large truck and died from his injuries. He was running during a meltdown. (this occurred at his home, but he went to my school)

At school, both type of leaving were called "elopement", but the reasons for wandering/eloping are different.