Hate strangers sitting next to me on public transport

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Does anyone feel that way.

If I go on a bus or a train and your sitting nicely by a window and the let’s just use bus as an example.

It is crowded there is 3 seats vacant the bus stops and 2 new passengers walk on and at that moment I find myself looking at them and the 2 empty seats and watching them fill up which now means the final vacant seat is the one next to me. The bus stops to let another passenger on and they take that one seat that is left which is right next to me.

Now one of 2 scenarios happen.

1 Small Talk
Passenger sits next and fair due they are trying to be nice and make polite conversation but this is the scenario and my reaction. Let’s just script this:
Me means Me P means Passenger
P: Morning
M: Morning
P: Nice weather
M: Yes it is
P: Watch the game last night?
M: (thinking what game) No?
P: OK did you hear about (something that is in the news)?
M: Yes I have
P: Gives there point of view of news situation
M: Right
P: Carries on talking about the event
M: OK, Right
P: Carries on more

By this point I have switched off and gives the odd OK and Right.

There is the other occasion where the person sits next to me and they don’t speak but will constantly sit on there phone texting and all I will hear is there phone beeping.

Then I get into this slight panic as I get near my stop because with either talkative passenger or sitting on phone passenger I have to disturb them by getting off. You can’t help but think are they going to shout at you for making them move? Are they going let you get off?

I do much prefer the quieter less busy bus, one of the reasons why when I use public transport I try to use it in less busy times but there are those occasions where you just can’t help but go on when it is busy.

I ride a bicycle to avoid all of that, but in London no one actually talks to anyone on public transport.

Would listening to music or audio books help to make this easier for you?

I can't think when the last time someone tried to make small talk with me on the bus was, and I get the bus a lot (at least twice a day, sometimes more if I have to go back and forth to town). Although maybe that's because I am usually clearly staring out of the window (the way I cope with the chatter on public transport is to focus on reading all the signs I can see).

I totally get that feeling when they're on their phone or something and you have to get past them. They're most certainly not going to shout at you or not let you get off though (why would they do that?? People have to get on and off, that's how buses and public transport works), it's just awkward. Just say 'excuse me, this is my stop' and get up and they will move.

How about wearing headphones to avoid talking? That gives a pretty clear indication you are are not interested in interaction. Or you could read, that also sends a message you are not up for chatting.

Are people always that overly friendly down Chatham?

I've only been once for work related stuff. I always have my earphones in so even if people do try and chat to me on the bus, i can't hear them lol And i make a habit of placing my bag next to me to prevent people taking that unoccupied seat. I'll move it if absolutely necessary. I mainly hate people sitting next to me because I feel like my space is being invaded, it's uncomfortable and there's the whole charade of trying to get up if my stop is before theirs. Too much hassle.

Where I come from people don't normally make conversation when sitting next to a stranger on the bus unless they know you or unless you are elderly and they are elderly.

If the bus is full I expect someone will sit next to me, so I mentally prepare myself for it. If the bus isn't full and I'm not at the front, I don't expect a stranger to take the seat next to me, and usually they don't.

What's worse than an adult sitting next to me is a toddler sitting next to me. Even if the bus is full, I still have to get up and stand if someone has to sit next to me with a kid. And if there are plenty of available seats and someone sits their kid next to me for some unknown reason, that f*****g winds me up.

On a side note, I often get the Megabus when i travel to london (although not been in a while) but i often note the amount of friendships/relationships formed on that bus just amazes me. Thankfully, I manage to get myself a seat to myself most of the time, but i've witnessed many occasions where a random person has sat next to another random person, and it's clear at the start of the journey they don't know each other, but by the end they're all like bff's. I can't even comprehend how that happens, but it does!

If ever I have to take public transportation and want to avoid that bs small talk I always try to look busy. Pop in some headphones or if they insist in talking to you I'd say "I'm reading something important here and need to concentrate" If that fails that means they're awful cause there's like 9 other seats open usually. I'd tell them that too.

I just can't stand having people too close to me like that, I need to have a bit of personal space around me to feel comfortable. I particularly hate it when the person in the adjoining seat starts rummaging around in bags or with their phone so that I can feel their movements against me - it makes my skin crawl. I can make myself physically very stressed by sitting in a strange way to minimise the contact area between me and the other person; I've ended up with cramp sometimes on longer journeys. I also hate feeling trapped in a window seat, and sometimes offer it to the other person when they come to sit; just having to interrupt them to ask them to let me past can consume me with social anxiety.

A question that's been confusing me and I need answers:

How come people (strangers) have the right to try to make conversation to us (people posting in this thread) when we are clearly giving out body language signals that say "I don't want to be talked to", but if we tried to make conversation with a stranger on a bus who doesn't want to be talked to, we'd be "intrusive" and "unacceptable"?

I remember once I was on a long train journey that had allocated seats. You would think that at a time when that run isn’t so busy you’d think the seating even allocated would be more spread out. But someone else had there allocated seat next to mine. He started talking to me about how he’d just flown from Australia and what he was doing over there. I gave a bit of understanding thinking he may be jetlagged and some people get talkative when they are tired.

But another thing I get irritated with on buses is when people’s phones start ringing and they starting down the phone in a Don Joly type way. Seen that happen many times. Heard someone have blazing argument before as well.

But there was one funny occasion where someone started talking on the phone and he started repeating himself in a very odd way. It was like an echo.

Like this: I am going into town, into town.
I watched this TV show last night, TV show last night.
It was very wet yesterday, wet yesterday.

It was like something from a very surreal comedy sketch.

One time a mom with an older kid and a toddler or maybe a little older was sitting rather close to me. It was in the back where usually there is a long seat in the very back and then two shorter ones to each side that face each other, then further up it goes back to forward facing seats. So they were in the seat across from me sort of.

Anyways, the little kid kept getting uncomfortably close to me and staring, like didn't even say anything just kept like practically getting in my face staring at me. I glanced over at the mom a couple times...to kind of hint I would like her help to get her kid away from me more or less or at least tell him to quit staring or something. But its like she was oblivious or something and also I didn't know if I should say anything to the kid or if I would have got yelled at by the mom if I did. So yes it put me in an extremely awkward and uncomfortable position. I was very glad they didn't stay on the bus long.

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 29 May 2018, 12:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't mind people sitting next to me unless they are smelly, noisy or seem to have a cold. And I am kinda OK with talkative people - sometimes I will even join/start a conversation too. It kills time. But only if they are sitting next to me - I hate talking to people facing me because I can't hear them (the buses/trams are too noisy and my hearing is poor in that enviorements). It's not polite in my opinion to ignore someone who is speaking to me and nodding is not always proper answer so it's awkward when I can't hear.

But it could be the case because strangers speaking to you in public transport is generally a rare occurrence in Poland. The general rule is "mind your business" and "speak only to people you know". Few people break the rule and they are usually the interesting, unique ones. So it's actually fun.

Oh. I use that trick too. People need to ask "May I?" if they want to sit next to me so they usually occupy all other free spots first because apparently asking "May I?" is a difficult task.

Last edited by Kiriae on 29 May 2018, 12:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I remember going on a bus where the seating was like a London Underground Train where everyone faces each other I found that very awkward. Didn’t know what direction to look.

I almost always ride the city bus with my girlfriend & we sit together whenever possible which is most of the time so we don't have people sitting next to us. However when we're on crowded buses we ocasionally have people standing rite by us or we may be standing with others if we don't get on at the station. I take Klonopin before going out where I may ride crowded buses cuz I feel kind of claustrophobic like when there's lots of people breathing over my shoulder so to speak. One of my reports says this is claustrophobia but another one says it's agoraphobia; I suspect it's more social anxiety but whatever. I do have people try to talk to me sometimes but it's usually someone sitting near me like across from me instead of rite next to me. it's also usually someone who seems not to be all mentally there & is just talking for the sake of talking even thou noone is really listening or even responding.
I take Greyhound buses twice a year to visit my family & it's a two day trip each way(would travel by plane or train but cost twice as much) & I actually feel less anxious traveling by Greyhound than city buses but that's cuz I know everyone will be sitting on the bus instead of standing except for getting on & off & going to the bathroom. People usually don't try to talk to me much on those buses either but some do. I don't mind it when someone does cuz it's a LOOONG trip so I'm kind of board.

When I lived in NYC, one day I was on the subway and in a particularly unsociable mood. A woman sat next to me and said, "Hot, isn't it?" I replied, "Yeah, it's summer." She looked at me like I'd confessed to being a serial killer.