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When in doubt blame the Aspie

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RainbowUnion
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08 Jun 2018, 1:38 pm

Ever get blamed for things that were not your fault? This has happened to me and whenever it does its enough to drive me into a rage. Like when we hired someone just out of college who didn't know what she was doing with some of the equipment, and broke some things, and it was tacitly assumed that I was the one responsible. I mean, no way could a pretty little hyper social 20yo girl have broken that machine, it must have been the Aspie.

And when I finally proved beyond doubt that it wasn't me, she was fired. And they apologized, but in a sheepish and hesitant way that told me I was certainly the one they still blamed deep down, and even though this wasn't me this time, I was still on the watch.


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fluffysaurus
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08 Jun 2018, 3:43 pm

I don't think this is autism related so much as siding with the person that they connect to the most (whatever the connection). I've had no evidence against me and gotten the blame and lots of evidence (fake but very convincing) against me and haven't even been suspected. In the first had anyone told me I was suspected I could have proved it wasn't me but no body did, they preferred to think it was me.

It seems to be all about who they want to be guilty, and most people are convinced they are good judges of character. I don't think your colleagues like you, I've had that too and it's very depressing. I work somewhere else now and like my colleagues, we are friendly and then we all get on with our jobs, much better.


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RainbowUnion
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08 Jun 2018, 3:50 pm

fluffysaurus wrote:
I don't think this is autism related so much as siding with the person that they connect to the most (whatever the connection). I've had no evidence against me and gotten the blame and lots of evidence (fake but very convincing) against me and haven't even been suspected. In the first had anyone told me I was suspected I could have proved it wasn't me but no body did, they preferred to think it was me.

It seems to be all about who they want to be guilty, and most people are convinced they are good judges of character. I don't think your colleagues like you, I've had that too and it's very depressing. I work somewhere else now and like my colleagues, we are friendly and then we all get on with our jobs, much better.


Yes, they blame those who they want to be guilty, and who they connect with. We are those who they want to be guilty and those with whom they don't connect with, because of autism.


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"It must be understood, that neither by word nor deed had I given Fortunato cause to doubt my good-will. I continued as was my wont, to smile in his face, and he did not perceive that my smile was at the thought of his immolation."

Edgar Allan Poe, The Cask of Amontillado


fluffysaurus
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08 Jun 2018, 3:56 pm

RainbowUnion wrote:
fluffysaurus wrote:
I don't think this is autism related so much as siding with the person that they connect to the most (whatever the connection). I've had no evidence against me and gotten the blame and lots of evidence (fake but very convincing) against me and haven't even been suspected. In the first had anyone told me I was suspected I could have proved it wasn't me but no body did, they preferred to think it was me.

It seems to be all about who they want to be guilty, and most people are convinced they are good judges of character. I don't think your colleagues like you, I've had that too and it's very depressing. I work somewhere else now and like my colleagues, we are friendly and then we all get on with our jobs, much better.


Yes, they blame those who they want to be guilty, and who they connect with. We are those who they want to be guilty and those with whom they don't connect with, because of autism.
Not always, but yes, the odds are against us especially anywhere with a clique.


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RainbowUnion
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08 Jun 2018, 3:59 pm

fluffysaurus wrote:
RainbowUnion wrote:
fluffysaurus wrote:
I don't think this is autism related so much as siding with the person that they connect to the most (whatever the connection). I've had no evidence against me and gotten the blame and lots of evidence (fake but very convincing) against me and haven't even been suspected. In the first had anyone told me I was suspected I could have proved it wasn't me but no body did, they preferred to think it was me.

It seems to be all about who they want to be guilty, and most people are convinced they are good judges of character. I don't think your colleagues like you, I've had that too and it's very depressing. I work somewhere else now and like my colleagues, we are friendly and then we all get on with our jobs, much better.


Yes, they blame those who they want to be guilty, and who they connect with. We are those who they want to be guilty and those with whom they don't connect with, because of autism.
Not always, but yes, the odds are against us especially anywhere with a clique.


Or when the person actually to blame is a young female who the guys in the place would like to bone.


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"It must be understood, that neither by word nor deed had I given Fortunato cause to doubt my good-will. I continued as was my wont, to smile in his face, and he did not perceive that my smile was at the thought of his immolation."

Edgar Allan Poe, The Cask of Amontillado


ladyelaine
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08 Jun 2018, 4:16 pm

fluffysaurus wrote:
RainbowUnion wrote:
fluffysaurus wrote:
I don't think this is autism related so much as siding with the person that they connect to the most (whatever the connection). I've had no evidence against me and gotten the blame and lots of evidence (fake but very convincing) against me and haven't even been suspected. In the first had anyone told me I was suspected I could have proved it wasn't me but no body did, they preferred to think it was me.

It seems to be all about who they want to be guilty, and most people are convinced they are good judges of character. I don't think your colleagues like you, I've had that too and it's very depressing. I work somewhere else now and like my colleagues, we are friendly and then we all get on with our jobs, much better.


Yes, they blame those who they want to be guilty, and who they connect with. We are those who they want to be guilty and those with whom they don't connect with, because of autism.
Not always, but yes, the odds are against us especially anywhere with a clique.


Definitely true about cliques. We are the ones that people want to get rid off whether it be at work, church, or a club. Sometimes there will be a person in a group of friends or a team at work that will try to turn everyone against you. Another person will join the group and you will be edged out over time. It's tough to be the oddball.



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08 Jun 2018, 4:35 pm

RainbowUnion wrote:
... Yes, they blame those who they want to be guilty, and who they connect with. We are those who they want to be guilty and those with whom they don't connect with because of autism.
This is why I document everything I do at work. It took almost a year at my current job (and the dismissal of three people who assigned the most blame for their own screw-ups to others) before people began to accept me as competent in my job. It was my log books that did the trick.

Document everything. Keep copies off-site. Trust no-one to keep their word; always get instructions in writing.


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08 Jun 2018, 5:02 pm

Fnord wrote:
RainbowUnion wrote:
... Yes, they blame those who they want to be guilty, and who they connect with. We are those who they want to be guilty and those with whom they don't connect with because of autism.
This is why I document everything I do at work. It took almost a year at my current job (and the dismissal of three people who assigned the most blame for their own screw-ups to others) before people began to accept me as competent in my job. It was my log books that did the trick.

Document everything. Keep copies off-site. Trust no-one to keep their word; always get instructions in writing.


Excellent advice.



HistoryGal
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08 Jun 2018, 5:14 pm

Document everything...I do that. Of course the young blonde at work is adored by everyone. I couldn't care less. I earned the right to be a seasoned matronly woman.



RainbowUnion
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08 Jun 2018, 6:54 pm

ladyelaine wrote:
fluffysaurus wrote:
RainbowUnion wrote:
fluffysaurus wrote:
I don't think this is autism related so much as siding with the person that they connect to the most (whatever the connection). I've had no evidence against me and gotten the blame and lots of evidence (fake but very convincing) against me and haven't even been suspected. In the first had anyone told me I was suspected I could have proved it wasn't me but no body did, they preferred to think it was me.

It seems to be all about who they want to be guilty, and most people are convinced they are good judges of character. I don't think your colleagues like you, I've had that too and it's very depressing. I work somewhere else now and like my colleagues, we are friendly and then we all get on with our jobs, much better.


Yes, they blame those who they want to be guilty, and who they connect with. We are those who they want to be guilty and those with whom they don't connect with, because of autism.
Not always, but yes, the odds are against us especially anywhere with a clique.


Definitely true about cliques. We are the ones that people want to get rid off whether it be at work, church, or a club. Sometimes there will be a person in a group of friends or a team at work that will try to turn everyone against you. Another person will join the group and you will be edged out over time. It's tough to be the oddball.



Yes. Its classic NT groupthink and herd mentality.


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"It must be understood, that neither by word nor deed had I given Fortunato cause to doubt my good-will. I continued as was my wont, to smile in his face, and he did not perceive that my smile was at the thought of his immolation."

Edgar Allan Poe, The Cask of Amontillado


RainbowUnion
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08 Jun 2018, 6:56 pm

Fnord wrote:
RainbowUnion wrote:
... Yes, they blame those who they want to be guilty, and who they connect with. We are those who they want to be guilty and those with whom they don't connect with because of autism.
This is why I document everything I do at work. It took almost a year at my current job (and the dismissal of three people who assigned the most blame for their own screw-ups to others) before people began to accept me as competent in my job. It was my log books that did the trick.

Document everything. Keep copies off-site. Trust no-one to keep their word; always get instructions in writing.


I dont trust NTs to be honest in anything. They live with subtle "rules" that change with whatever direction the wind is blowing. They play favorites and think it OK and fair.


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"It must be understood, that neither by word nor deed had I given Fortunato cause to doubt my good-will. I continued as was my wont, to smile in his face, and he did not perceive that my smile was at the thought of his immolation."

Edgar Allan Poe, The Cask of Amontillado


RainbowUnion
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08 Jun 2018, 6:57 pm

HistoryGal wrote:
Document everything...I do that. Of course the young blonde at work is adored by everyone. I couldn't care less. I earned the right to be a seasoned matronly woman.


A young pretty girl will always be thought smart and right no matter what.


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"It must be understood, that neither by word nor deed had I given Fortunato cause to doubt my good-will. I continued as was my wont, to smile in his face, and he did not perceive that my smile was at the thought of his immolation."

Edgar Allan Poe, The Cask of Amontillado


ladyelaine
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08 Jun 2018, 10:45 pm

RainbowUnion wrote:
HistoryGal wrote:
Document everything...I do that. Of course the young blonde at work is adored by everyone. I couldn't care less. I earned the right to be a seasoned matronly woman.


A young pretty girl will always be thought smart and right no matter what.


Especially if she is from a popular family.



BeaArthur
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09 Jun 2018, 10:28 am

RainbowUnion wrote:
A young pretty girl will always be thought smart and right no matter what.

CHALLENGED. A young girl is one of the least likely to be thought smart, in most settings. Young and pretty, even worse. If there are two young girls in the office and one is plain, she'll be thought smarter than the pretty one - even though the pretty one will be more popular.

Misogyny in the workplace has a long tradition.


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HistoryGal
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09 Jun 2018, 11:40 am

In my workplace, it's who you are related to that determines your place in the pecking order. I cover my bases by treating everyone with professional respect.

Misogyny is promoted by women. Watch how they change their tune when a man is around. That's why having a phallus is powerful. Women will still want you to fix things.



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09 Jun 2018, 2:45 pm

BeaArthur wrote:
RainbowUnion wrote:
A young pretty girl will always be thought smart and right no matter what.

CHALLENGED. A young girl is one of the least likely to be thought smart, in most settings. Young and pretty, even worse. If there are two young girls in the office and one is plain, she'll be thought smarter than the pretty one - even though the pretty one will be more popular.

Misogyny in the workplace has a long tradition.

"dumb blonde" is a stereotype that has been around a long time.


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