Life Stillness

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Anyone experiencing this?
I find it rather extremely and utterly boring - I want new experiences in life, however I am conflicted between opening myself to the world through people to standing up to myself and my own personal values, because when you open up to people you have to give up on parts of yourself, from my experience at least

I mean, I can just be at my house of origins and just sense that nothing is changing, everything has been mostly still ever since I was a young kid. Yes, I have had experiences, got some hobbies, but life is just boring when unmoving

Could you say more about this? You mean opening up to people is to reveal something of yourself you might prefer to keep secret? Or something else?

I mean that you get no place to express yourself and have to put up with habits of other people, such as constantly going to bars and drink alcohol, instead of talking about aquariums and some other interesting hobby

Oh yeah, that's true. You have to take turns indulging each others' interests. That's why it's much better to find someone who has the same interest(s), especially if they know something about it you don't and vice versa.

But that's not the main topic of the thread. The main topic is stillness there is to life
Nothing moves. I have major depression due to stress although the psychiatrist who diagnosed my ASD said I may not need medication for treatment
Regardless, that's how my home is - dead, unmoving. I wonder if it has anything to do with our family's low social skills. Everything is still at home, and I always hated myself even if I was in therapy when I was a teen (that was before I ever knew I had ASD)

Ok, redirecting to the main topic. Stillness... inertia... stagnation.
Something inside, caged, wishes to gnaw through the bars run fast and run far? Desperate, yet nervous to experience the world... but each avenue out seems only to lead into a new cage? Maybe that's just me.

It would be better if you explained your experience of the stationary. For me, there are times I think it's actually not so bad. What would you want to do differently?

Yeah for me even on the few days I go somewhere with family in a year feel like a holiday to me.

I want to meet more people. I prefer to meet people who are emotionally fresh so I can learn more from them and be a greater contributor. As Newton said, in order to grow, you must walk with giants
However, resource income has a great impact on that, and my family is quite frugal on that regard. I am just depressed about that, that those circumstances limit my potential growth

Do you live in a remote area?

I could relate to this a lot in my early to mid 20's.

For me though it wasn't merely boredom, it was also a sense that I was supposed to be engaging with resources, I don't want to say 'climbing' but definitely finding new networks of people and ways to bring my life into fruition, and it was the strange sense that whether I was in college classes or doing anything else it's like I was divorced from those resource almost as if by an invisible wall. The most fascinating aspect of that was being in college classes and any of the girls I found interesting were never actually in any of my classes - and this was when I was taking general electives of all things.

To some extent I think people have a deep sense in their 20's that if they don't catch traction with life that they're screwed - not just in terms of social networks but clearly also financially and it's where you tend to run as hard and fast as you can toward various ambitions.

What did you do to deal with this?

Followed the instructions and ran at my ambitious. I spent 27-30 suicidally depressed when I realized that no matter how much prescribed self-beating and self-berating I gave myself for my weaknesses they still didn't improve and even after graduating highest honors with my bachelor's degree I was still having trouble getting decent work, or was put in impossible situations, and got fired from my first internship within a month because they refused to train me to do things I hadn't even done in college yet.

I spent a good portion of the last eight years continuing to get screwed but at the same time I realized I'd hit certain limits and had to regroup, change my plans, and that included hashing out a reconciliation between the things I could change, the things I couldn't, and trying to find some sort of healthy way forward. I hate to say it though I don't know that I could have done it earlier - if I would have tried my friends would have just laid into me, organized some hazing, and I would have been right back to what I was doing. It's almost impossible not to be dominated by your particular decade of life until your 30's when the dogmatic peer pressure and social punishments for going your own way start to space themselves out farther because people get too busy to mind the next person's business.

It's hard for me to see a point going forward in life when no one is there for you for that path - no parents, no friends. It's hard for me to advance without those motivators

I think the only thing that maybe has helped me, and it may be antithetical to some worldviews, but I've had certain experiences that have pushed me to accept certain things about consciousness, maybe a sort of Nietzschean vitalism. My guess is we probably won't disappear or cease to exist when we die, and the question becomes what responsibilities do we have to our future selves. I particularly think of the vulnerabilities I experienced as a child and if I have to touch down here again, with no memory, I'd at least want to do something to orient myself to more strength and less naivety than I had in my earlier years.