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HistoryGal
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14 Jul 2018, 5:52 pm

Yeah Kraftie, there's just something about not having friends after I dropped my toxic set of abusers. Same old sh!t and routine every weekend. H doesn't exactly do the friend thing.



ladyelaine
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14 Jul 2018, 6:01 pm

HistoryGal wrote:
Yeah Kraftie, there's just something about not having friends after I dropped my toxic set of abusers. Same old sh!t and routine every weekend. H doesn't exactly do the friend thing.


It sucks not having any friends.



KB8CWB
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14 Jul 2018, 10:17 pm

grahambaster wrote:
Also: For the record I was on various anti-depressants for ~8 years and I believe that being on drugs was a hindrance not a help. After a year off I no longer feel as if I'm under water. Thank you self for doing that for me.

I am off one of my anti-depressants. Cold-Turkey as of a month ago. It has helped myself to able to reason more clearly. Depression might be worse but hard to tell. I am now to half the dosage of one of the other ones. I have had 2 meltdowns doing this and now am settling out. Thinking is much clearer. Depression not so much.
LoneLoyalWolf wrote:
Well, I suffer from Chronic Depression (Dysthymia). Hide it well with my humor, but the sadder I feel, the more humor I use because I do not want anyone to feel like me.

This is so ME!
ladyelaine wrote:
HistoryGal wrote:
Yeah Kraftie, there's just something about not having friends after I dropped my toxic set of abusers. Same old sh!t and routine every weekend. H doesn't exactly do the friend thing.

It sucks not having any friends.


Been in this boat for years, like at least since I quit working. Pretty much isolated now. Most of them just used me for some of my obsessive talents anyway just to *poof* when they get what they want.

Chronic MDD since a teen. Seems to be somewhat common among many here.



Daniel89
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15 Jul 2018, 1:29 am

I have my entire adult life, some days are worse than others though.



Temeraire
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15 Jul 2018, 4:37 am

I have been fighting depression since last year and I have some ideas where it came from.

This does not mean that fighting it is any easier - sometimes it can make it worse.

Like if I keep going over the losses and stressors in my head.

Fear is also in the equation along with not having control over certain aspects of my life.

Then chuck in a big dose of health issues and it is no wonder I ended up with depression.

Being a therapist does not make me immune nor necessarily mean I have all the answers for myself.

We are all so different in our how we live our lives and our experiences.

I have found compassion to be of help but sometimes it is good old fashioned time which heals.



grahambaster
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15 Jul 2018, 8:19 am

KB8CWB wrote:
I am now to half the dosage of one of the other ones. I have had 2 meltdowns doing this and now am settling out. Thinking is much clearer. Depression not so much.


I reduced very gradually and depression would get much worse and then I would go back on again. Repeat over years. I eventually was able to get free with the consideration that the worsening of symptoms might be temporary and in fact it was, ~ 2 or 3 weeks of tolerating. For me it was important to have some kind of social support as well as be working on self-care skills. I am currently moving towards adding aerobic exercise as this is the #1 overlooked treatment for treatment resistant depression, not ECT.


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DroseRose
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18 Jul 2018, 4:35 pm

QuantumChemist wrote:
Yes, it is something I deal with regularly. There are issues that can trigger it and I do my best to avoid those if I can. Sometimes the only way I can snap out of it is to go into my dark side of creativity for a while to let my brain reset back to a better state.


QuantumChemist, I'm interested to hear more about the 'dark side of creativity'. I sometimes feel like I have some internal (but well buried) resources that could be healing, if I found them. It feels like these are connected to somehow allowing myself to be more expressive (writing, drawing, singning?) and that that would alleviate the depression I feel coming on.



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18 Jul 2018, 9:48 pm

How do you fight depression? For me it's more like holding my breath in the ocean before the next wave crashes over. This, to make it through another day in the survival-horror game that is life. Endurance is my strategy.



1986
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18 Jul 2018, 11:51 pm

I think I had a mixed episode of mania and depression a few years ago. Hard to tell because I was never given any other formal diagnosis than Asperger's and psychosis (undefined). I still battle with it, such as today, but now it's more of a kind of wet blanket than proper depression.

A step forward since it was less than 1½ years since I tried jumping in front of a train.



Temeraire
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19 Jul 2018, 3:36 am

DroseRose wrote:
QuantumChemist wrote:
Yes, it is something I deal with regularly. There are issues that can trigger it and I do my best to avoid those if I can. Sometimes the only way I can snap out of it is to go into my dark side of creativity for a while to let my brain reset back to a better state.


QuantumChemist, I'm interested to hear more about the 'dark side of creativity'. I sometimes feel like I have some internal (but well buried) resources that could be healing, if I found them. It feels like these are connected to somehow allowing myself to be more expressive (writing, drawing, singning?) and that that would alleviate the depression I feel coming on.


I would be interested in this too. I feel as though my creativity has been blocked for a long time.

I also think you are right when you say that we have internal resources which heal - I tend to view this as our own wisdom to repair ourselves.

Tapping into this for myself has been so difficult. I hope you can tap into yours.

I may try some colouring with pencils today to see what that brings.??

Perhaps I will draw too?



SaveFerris
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19 Jul 2018, 4:08 am

Yep I am fighting depression. I can't put my finger on why I am depressed as when I try to analyse it I seem ok with things when I break it down. My last therapist told me I have every reason to be depressed but I don't see it :roll:


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blazingstar
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19 Jul 2018, 6:00 am

SaveFerris wrote:
Yep I am fighting depression. I can't put my finger on why I am depressed as when I try to analyse it I seem ok with things when I break it down. My last therapist told me I have every reason to be depressed but I don't see it :roll:


I personally don't think for me that depression has anything to do with the external world, and the time I have spent over the years trying to figure out what is causing the depression has been largely wasted, except through the scientific lens of failed experiments. :D It seems to me that if depression has a "cause" (you have lots of reasons to be depressed) then it is not depression. It is sadness, frustration, discouraged, and so on. I thought depression was when there was no reason to be depressed just an overall, choking, black cloud that you can't see a way out of.

When I am "depressed" the first thing for me is to make sure I am rested. After that, I try make a list and get busy. This is not something that worked early on. It is a technique I have learned, partly from all those failed experiments.

I am flirting with depression and collapse right now due to state audits which happen every year. I always do well, but the fear of failing is so ingrained in me, it takes lots of work to dismiss it.


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Esmerelda Weatherwax
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19 Jul 2018, 6:21 am

HistoryGal wrote:
It's to where I don't want to go anywhere or see anyone. I got worn out from all the people at my job...off for summer as I work in education. Had all these plans of going to daily Mass....I'm Episcopalian. Similar to Catholic. Haven't done that in three weeks. No motivation to go.

Please don't attack this post, anyone.


Here's a hug, and coffee, if you like coffee (otherwise it's cocoa)
Image

I've fought it all my life. Being Aspie makes it trickier to deal with, at least for me, because mine stems from confronting unpleasant realities, therefore any solution also has to be *real* - looking on the bright side only works when it's genuinely bright. What you've described above sounds enough like my "way in" to it, that I think my "way out" might be helpful.

If you can see any positives that you believe are real, try to hold on to them? I used to write mine down - when work really got to me, I'd put an index card in my skirt pocket ("this sucks but it feeds your kitties and pays the vet bills. Hang in there, they need you and they LOVE you."). I have a bipolar II cousin-in-law who does an evening "examen" when she's dysphoric - focusing on what is both real and good that happened that day. It really seems to help her. The Examen

You might want to ask the mods to move this to the Haven? Anti-picking-on norms are more swiftly enforceable there.

Also, music works very well for me, but it has to be very calm, contemplative stuff - or otherwise inspiring. Real Gregorian chants, Japanese contemplative music (Kura has blessed me richly there). Pink noise, the sound of rain and surf, help me get to sleep during these times; the "sunrise" and "painted desert" movements of Grofe's Grand Canyon Suite can get me moving when little else will... YMMV.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe7wC-HG6RQ


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19 Jul 2018, 11:13 am

Temeraire wrote:
DroseRose wrote:
QuantumChemist wrote:
Yes, it is something I deal with regularly. There are issues that can trigger it and I do my best to avoid those if I can. Sometimes the only way I can snap out of it is to go into my dark side of creativity for a while to let my brain reset back to a better state.


QuantumChemist, I'm interested to hear more about the 'dark side of creativity'. I sometimes feel like I have some internal (but well buried) resources that could be healing, if I found them. It feels like these are connected to somehow allowing myself to be more expressive (writing, drawing, singning?) and that that would alleviate the depression I feel coming on.


I would be interested in this too. I feel as though my creativity has been blocked for a long time.

I also think you are right when you say that we have internal resources which heal - I tend to view this as our own wisdom to repair ourselves.

Tapping into this for myself has been so difficult. I hope you can tap into yours.

I may try some colouring with pencils today to see what that brings.??

Perhaps I will draw too?

Creativity has been found to be linked with mood disorders in some pretty compelling research from the 1970s to 1990s (see Ruth Richards, Nancy Andreasen, and Kay Redfield Jamison for scientific as well as lay articles and books on this theme). But there is also reason to believe that doing a creative activity ameliorates depressed mood, at least temporarily. In my case, I try to find a crafts activity (knitting, crocheting, jewelry making, scrap booking) when I am in a particularly low funk.

Edited to correct Ruth Richardson to Ruth Richards, that author's correct name.


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Last edited by BeaArthur on 19 Jul 2018, 1:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Temeraire
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19 Jul 2018, 12:59 pm

BeaArthur wrote:
Temeraire wrote:
DroseRose wrote:
QuantumChemist wrote:
Yes, it is something I deal with regularly. There are issues that can trigger it and I do my best to avoid those if I can. Sometimes the only way I can snap out of it is to go into my dark side of creativity for a while to let my brain reset back to a better state.


QuantumChemist, I'm interested to hear more about the 'dark side of creativity'. I sometimes feel like I have some internal (but well buried) resources that could be healing, if I found them. It feels like these are connected to somehow allowing myself to be more expressive (writing, drawing, singning?) and that that would alleviate the depression I feel coming on.


I would be interested in this too. I feel as though my creativity has been blocked for a long time.

I also think you are right when you say that we have internal resources which heal - I tend to view this as our own wisdom to repair ourselves.

Tapping into this for myself has been so difficult. I hope you can tap into yours.

I may try some colouring with pencils today to see what that brings.??

Perhaps I will draw too?

Creativity has been found to be linked with mood disorders in some pretty compelling research from the 1970s to 1990s (see Ruth Richardson, Nancy Andreasen, and Kay Redfield Jamison for scientific as well as lay articles and books on this theme). But there is also reason to believe that doing a creative activity ameliorates depressed mood, at least temporarily. In my case, I try to find a crafts activity (knitting, crocheting, jewelry making, scrap booking) when I am in a particularly low funk.


A good friend commented on my mood recently and said that I had ' lost my sparkle'.

It felt accurate and she knows me all too well.

I wonder if I get my glitter out and make an artistic expression whether this will help bring back some sparkle into my life?

I do like your research findings too, Bea, and appreciate how this can inform one moving forward, as well as working with others misery. I like to do a bit of research myself.

But before I do anything I think I will treat myself to a takeaway tonight.