I'm 13 and have a question about Autism

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not sure I'm doing this right never done this sorry if I did it in the wrong place
Ok, hope this all makes sense it is kind of long first my mom knows I'm on the net doing this. My mom just got married and my new stepbrother his is 6yr. has Autism and he is very Fixated or obsessive on certain objects. it seems to be just my stuff so guess that's my first question is this normal I guess I should explain more he will go in my room and if there is two books on my desk he takes one if I have two shirts the same color he takes one my socks he takes half same colors he even takes one of my shoes from each pair and hinds them and he can hind stuff very well or lines them on his table in his room when I can find my stuff like when he took my shoe I finally found it but when I came home from school and walked in he came up and started hitting me and tried to take my shoe he melts down I finaly just gave it to him he went to his room and then came back and pulled my shirt He all way comes up to me and pulls on my shirt when I come home then walks away not hard it is like to say hi he never looks at me or says anything just pulls my shirt and he stays in the room I'm in not close to me but in the room even when I'm in the back yard he comes out and does stuff but never close to me but he is there he will melt down if I have anything that matches on it is like he has to have half of what I have if I have two of the same thing if I wear a white sock and a black sock he is fine but two black ones he melts down until I give him one or even if I walk around with one shoe he is fine when we eat his plate has to have the same thing mine does I'm the only one he does this to I tried to talk to my stepdad about it but we end up in a fight because he says I don't understand just let him do it Mom is in the middle I know this all sounds weird I want to do the right thing if this is his normal but if he is a brat I don't want to make it worse I didn't mean that part bad anyways thanks and I hope this don't make anyone mad I'm lost and mom is too just looking for advise it like i'm on the outside looking in

He's probably a little jealous or looking up to you in some way and it's coming across weird when it's filtered through his autism. He's only 6 remember and you're his new big brother and it'll be very intimidating for him. The lining things up is perfectly normal autistic behaviour as is the not looking at you or saying anything. It'll probably pass or change with time and the one thing you have to remember is, little brothers are annoying! Mine was and he was the non-autistic one. He'd come in my room all the time, want to play the same games as me, use all my stuff. That's what little brothers do.

Overall my advice would be to give him a bit of time to settle into the new environment. If it's still being an issue a few months down the line then you need to have a chat with your mother and step-father about how best to establish boundaries.

It seems to me that you are a kind and considerate young man. I think it highly likely that your stepbrother likes you and likes being with you but is unable to express it in a better way. I don't think it's unfair for you to want some time separate from him, or for your stuff to be where you left it. It is a complicated situation and will take some time and effort to find solutions. I suggest you write down how you feel, in a considerate way as you have done here, and then give the letters or emails to your mum and step father

Really the only thing you can do is give it time and try figuring how he ticks best as you can. I take it for granted he doesn't talk? I'd say with your stepdad try approaching him more like you want to understand the kid better, rather than like he's bothering you. It's okay that he bothers you btw, you're only human. It isn't easy to have an autistic sibling, even for those who have been siblings the whole time. So it's that much more difficult for you. Really it sounds like you are handling it pretty well as far as what you have been doing making compromises. Keep us posted on how things are going.

First, thank everyone for talking to me. He doesn't talk he says like single words but only when he is angry I think he is angry when he does. If it sounded like it bothered me for him to all ways be in the same place I did not mean it to. I don't even mind him in my room I'm just trying to figure out why he only takes the things that I have two of our that match. This morning my stepdad is on shift at the PD and my mom had to go to the store so we all got ready I got my shoe from my brother's room and he melted down like never before. I finally just took it off and put it back inline in his room and he was fine it was like turning a switch off that's the part I can't get it's like turning him on and off sometimes

You could try talking to both your parents & asking that you can get a lock put on your door that the 3 of you have keys for but not your little brother so that way it'll be harder for him to take your stuff.

Hi Cotton. Welcome to Wrong Planet. I think you are asking a very excellent question. I actually don't think he is jealous. I think he is trying to bond with you. He does not make emotional bonds with people the same way that a neurotypical child would. Neurotypical which we abbreviate nt, means someone who has a normal brain and neurological system.

He also does not express affection the same way and nt person would. I think he is taking one of each of your items because he wants to be close to you. I do something similar. If my brother gives me something, I really cherish and treasure if because it came from him. I am very very close to my brother and the things that he has given me are some of the items that I really hang on to. So I would think that maybe he is trying to be close to you and to be affectionate with you in his own way. Sometimes, when my brother used to live near me, he has moved far away now, I used to go to his house and just sit in a chair near him when he was at his desk or cooking in the kitchen. I didn't need to actually talk to him, I just liked being near him because it made feel close and safe and loved.

With me, I am Autistic, in case you did not know, it is very important for me to feel safe. Because the world around me is so overwhelming all the time, I need people who can make me feel safe and loved and my brother is one of those people. So when I sit next to him or when I hold on to something that he has given me, I feel safe and loved. Now that he has moved away and I can't see him anymore, he calls me every single night when I go to bed so that I can have that contact with him. I think your little brother is doing something similar to that.

If I were you, I would definitely reach out to him. See if he will let you hug him. If he does, that is really good. When he comes and sits with you, make him feel welcomed and loved and maybe share something with him. You can even have a special toy or stuffed animal that you share with him that is just for the time that you spend together and when he is not with you he can hold on to it. And when he comes to you ask him to bring it and play with him together with it. That way learns that he has one toy that he can keep with him that reminds him of you. If he has that he might not feel the need to take one of your items like shoes and clothes. I think he might be taking them because he wants to feel like you are with him all the time. I know that that is how I feel with my brother.

I hope this can help. Let me know if it does. I am really glad that your mom lets you come here. I am happy to be your friend here and I hope that we can really help so that you can be really close to your brother and have a really great relationship with him.

Maybe he has internalised that taking other's things is wrong and he shouldn't do it but thinks that if there is a double of something that you won't miss it or it could just be a fascination with things that are the same. I think that part of the question is probably something that is going to be difficult to get a definitive answer for.

As for the lining up and not liking things when they are moved then that's a desire for order. I was never as bad as your brother (there was a reason I didn't find out until I was an adult) but I remember getting this horrible gut wrenching feeling when someone else had moved anything of mine because I liked to feel that everything was where it was supposed to be. Depending on his level of being able to understand you it might be worth trying to explain that you are need the shoe now but when you don't need it anymore that he can have it back. This might alleviate some of the panic he gets when the show isn't in the order he wants it. That worked when I was little, I didn't get the same feeling if I knew someone was going to move my things but I was experiencing things in a different, but similar, way to your brother.

The lining up thing is definitely common in Autism. I like lining my toys up because looking at them all lined up is very relaxing to me. And having things in a certain place and not liking other people to move them is important. Because the world is so overwhelming and confusing for us, knowing that our things are in a certain place an in a certain order, helps us feel less anxious. It allows us to have a bit of control over our environment and not always feel like everything is out of control. Because for us, sometimes if feels like everything going on around us is moving too fast and out of control. So if we can have order with our stuff, we feel safer.

Autistic people often do not have a good sense of commonly understood social etiquette such as "ask permission before you touch my stuff" or "personal space". Also the lack of understanding of personal space can be a result of atypical sensory sensitivities. Many autistics can and do learn social etiquette but it may take longer because is it not as innate as with typical people.

Any type of change from the norm or routine such as changing sock color can trigger meltdowns.

I do not agree with putting locks on your door or keeping him out of your room. Like ASPartofMe said, you would be better off teaching him how to handle your stuff than locking him out. If he is trying to reach out to you and bond with you, locking him out will be devastating and extremely damaging to him. I would suggest that you put your clothes and shoes away in places he can't see them or reach them. And if you want to teach him, you can maybe take one thing out and teach him to ask if it's ok to have it. And if he is nonverbal, he can learn signs. You can use ASL (American Sign Language) or you can make up a special sign that the two of you use and you can practice him asking for the item and then returning the item. And you can praise him every time he gets it right. You can also teach him to ask permission to come into your room and be with you. But don't lock him out or push him away. I have a feeling that praise coming from you would mean everything to him. When my brother praises me or is proud of me, it makes me feel like the most special person in the world. It makes me feel like I can learn and do anything and because of how my brother treats me, I have been able to learn and accomplish a lot more than I could have ever been able to without that.

When my brother was living here, we had a special time every week where we would do something together just him and me. And now our special time is when he calls me at bedtime. That way I knew that I would get to see him or talk to him and I did not feel anxious about when I would get to see him or talk to him again. You can teach your brother the same thing. You can have a special time every day that is just for him and you and he will learn that when it's your special time, he gets all of your attention and when it's not your special time, he does not have to feel anxious about not being with you because he knows that he will have that time with you again. I really do think that he is reaching out to you like I did with my brother. I am pretty sure that with your parent's help, you can teach him to understand how to ask for things, how to ask to enter your room and that he will always get to have time with you so that he does not have to be anxious.

And that approach is also really good for you. You will be able to get to know him and love all the things about him that make him wonderful. My brother has told me that being close to me makes him a better person. And it is true. Even his friends notice that he is a lot more gentle and compassionate and understanding when he and I are close. So it would be great for both of you if you can develop that kind of brotherly bond.

I think it's just his way of relating to you.
Other people relate to each other through conversation and eye contact and such but your brother's way is very sweet.
I hope you have enough shoes to wear.

LOL it actually is very cute. To the 13 year old it would be pretty annoying but it is adorable.

It is to the 13yr for sure

LOL. I have a little sister. I couldn't stand her when I was 13.