How did you begin discussing ASD with family?

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Background: I don't have an official diagnosis. Its quite likely that I won't be in a position to seek one out till next year (2019). My immediate family has a very negative view of medical professionals and it definitely extends to mental health. My father, for example, pretty much lives life by the cliche of "pick yourself up by your bootstraps". In other words, he is stubbornly independent and would not seek out medical help unless not doing so would endanger his life. My niece is around 4 and my sister is finally taking her in for evaluation and possibly testing. I have a cousin who works in special education and she's been suggesting this for a couple years. I'd like to support them, its a bit strange, though, since they don't know about me. In fact, I haven't yet revealed to any of my family that I suspect I too might be autistic. I'm not sure if "coming out" at this point would help or hinder my niece getting help. I suspect it might be better to get an official diagnosis first. I've wanted to ask my mom if she noticed any symptoms in my own early childhood. I've tried to get more information about growing up; for example, why nearly every teacher said I didn't talk enough in class; but all she had to say was that despite being quiet, I was a good student. I think I've masked so well that no one in my family would really believe me.

So what would you do? When did you reveal your self-analysis or diagnosis to immediate and extended family?

I’ve only told my Wife, daugter and my Mother.

I don’t want to be treated differently so I hide it.

Most people are clueless of the issue.

It’s easier for me to keep quiet.

I have an official diagnosis

In my case, my family suspected I had it before I did. We’re pretty knowledgeable about it since my nephew and then son were both diagnosed with ASD.

Once I got my diagnosis it wasn’t too big of a deal.

I’m in my early 40’s and was mis-diagnosed as a child with other “learning disabilities “ When I received my adult diagnosis my Mom and step Dad pretty much decided to ignore me. That’s Awsome your family was cool.

So the reaction from my Mom made me nervous to tell anyone else. .

It's likely that, as part of the diagnostic process, the psychologist will want to talk to your parents because part of the diagnostic criteria is that the signs and symptoms must have been present when you were a child.

In my case, I told my parents the story about how it came to my attention that I might have ASD - that someone had suggested to me that I react to certain situations in a way that was similar to his autistic son, and that I had found a test on the internet that put me in a range of being a high probability of having ASD. I did this two days after the possibility had been brought to my attention. My parents said they weren't surprised.

But it you don't have a story to tell, if ASD is just something you've sort of gradually suspected, I think it would be a lot harder. Especially if you don't feel like your parents would be receptive to it.

It sounds like your sister would probably be more receptive to the idea than your parents. Do you think maybe you should try starting with her? That could also help with your neise's diagnosis, since ASD does tend to run in families.

My young niece was diagnosed with ASD. I'm not sure about where on the spectrum she is, but she has pretty severe learning disabilities and speech challenges. I've scored very high on each of the ASD online tests I've taken with not a single one being "borderline".

My Mom died earlier this year so I wouldn't be able to get her perspective about my childhood behaviors other than what she told me (from day one in pre-school I only wanted to play with block and toys by myself the whole time with ZERO interest in playing with any of the other kids), wearing only the same types of clothes every day ("toughskin" plaid jeans). My Dad was not around all that much when I was a kid, working on the road. He's also a "bootstraps" kind of guy and has no time for medical "professionals" especially since they did a terrible job with my Mom and her cancer fight. He would be of no help in lending his recollection of my childhood.

I have one sibling, younger, and she had major behavioral problems when we were kids. Major meltdowns. She's bi-polar, OCD, but has multiple degrees, in MENSA and absolutely believes I may have HFA. Maybe she could lend some perspective on my childhood, but probably not much. She was certainly fighting her own challenges back then.

So........at this point, other than my sister, I've discussed it only with my wife. I'm almost fifty and my wife's reaction to the idea of my "getting tested" is: "What's the point?" I think it's an honest question from her as in: "What good would it do you?" I'm the provider for the family, I'm a husband and father. Her attitude is, if I'm functioning and fulfilling my obligations, what purpose would it serve for me to obtain a diagnosis? I can only make an assumption here, but I also wonder if she's partly afraid of something if I was diagnosed as HFA. I have not asked her that question directly though. She doesn't really want to talk about it anymore since I was somewhat fixated on the idea for awhile after taking the online tests, etc.

That's my story. I definitely have not mentioned my suspicions to anyone at work since it's only an unconfirmed suspicion. I just have my sets of over the year sound blockers on my desk and tell people I use them sometimes to help me concentrate since all sounds distract me at the same level. I can't filter sound "to the background". No one cares or questions further.

I think there's a big difference between someone having their parents get them diagnosed when they're children (they don't have a choice) and someone who's in their 30,40,50s+ seeking a Dx, paying for it, etc.

My wife was the first one to notice similarities between me and a past boyfriend of hers who had a diagnosis of Asperger's. I wouldn't be surprised if a few of my family members were on the spectrum as well. In doing my own research, I've been reminded quite a few times of behaviors I've seen in a few of them.

I have a friend that recently got diagnosed in their mid 20's, so I'm vaguely aware of what the process entails. That's a large factor into why I've wanted to pose questions to family recently. Just to get as much information as I can.

I actually hadn't considered talking to my sister first. Actually might be a good place for me to start. Also, I suppose I have a long drawn out story, but it doesn't have an exciting key moment. Its been more of a slow arduous process of self introspection.

This reminds me of when my friend (who has a diagnosis) questioned why I needed to find out. Why might I need a diagnosis? I'm in my 30's, capable of gainful employment, and its unlikely an official diagnosis would result in my requesting workplace accommodations, etc. I believe that getting a diagnosis is important for me personally because it would help to demystify behaviors and experiences that have confounded me for years. I have that familiar itch in my head where I have to keep digging until I've uncovered all there is to unbury. It would provide a sense of validation and an element of authenticity that might let me talk to someone about it should I choose to. In every practical sense though, I suppose I don't really need it.

I'm fortunate I didn't have to do that. I was blatantly autistic when I was very young, so I was diagnosed when I was very young. No "talking" required.

However, my mother denies that I have autism; she says I have "a touch of Asperger's."

Satisfying your own curiosity is a perfectly valid reason for seeking a diagnosis, and just because you don't need services now, doesn't mean you won't in the future. I'm receiving very badly needed services now that I never dreamed of needing when I was diagnosed four years ago. A lot can change in a short period of time.

Before I was diagnosed, I had the same "itch" that you describe, wherein I was desperately looking for as much information as I could, and getting extremely frustrated that I felt like I was wandering around with a blindfold on. I suspected, but I could never truly know, until I was evaluated. I felt frantic, like a gerbil trying to make a nest in wood shavings that aren't deep enough, just digging and digging and never getting anywhere. Getting the official diagnosis was like having a smothering weight lifted off me, and I could finally breathe. My desperate hunt for information slowed almost to a stop, my whole life became calmer and more relaxed. Even if things had turned out differently, and I wound up not needing services later on, I still would have gotten the diagnosis just for my own peace of mind.

Yes, same. The first time I met with the psychologist, he knew very quickly, just by talking to me, that I had ASD. He told me that there are very few services available for adults with high functioning Autism, and that the only thing a diagnosis would get me would be official confirmation of what he could already tell me just by talking to me.

Like you, I really did want to know for sure, so I did decide to do the assessment.

I mentioned my self-assessment of being ND with my immediate family members two years ago. They responded by calling me "Sheldon" for a week, so I guess they agreed with me overall. They equate Sheldon on the BBT as being a typical ND, even though it is claimed that he is not.