Diagnosed at 41- Processing-Evolutionary process?

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Iv known for about 6 months and Iv been diagnosed 1 month now.

Today I wrote this in response to my psychologist given i did not want to go in for a session as i was processing but wanted to let her know where I was at.

This came out: What do you think?


Your whole life in hindsight becomes a haze with background itch you can’t quite find to scratch. In the beginning, you did not conceive to assume you perceived the world in any other way than they did. Conceptually you assumed you were integrated and I guess that at that age its pure mimicry that gets you by, your full and utter processing stage at that age is to be gaining information and practice to get functional in your body. So everything is trying out what you see. You mimic, you are praised and you mimic some more. Flying colours you rocking this s**t.

As time progressed and the functions learned and the rules taught and adopted it became a norm. Maybe at about 8 - 10 you began to have the faint feeling and recognition that the world you lived with as your games board did not work entirely in the same way as it appeared to do on the other kid’s game board. You watched although at the time you did not actively process the fact that you were downloading bits of information about the environment and complexities of the interactions around you.

On the side-line there was a complexity in the ability to decipher which patterns of behavior that did not collate well with the social structure and conventions of the current operations of society, were from the processing differences in the neuro-typical people and yourself or from the effects of living with a sexual predator that manipulated your thinking to a point that you lived in a projected and illusory world of fear and uncertainty. I guess the fabric that you weave a ‘floor’ or ‘Map” onto which you use to navigate the paths of life are being manufactured once you have learned the functionality of your biological machine. Followed by the initial drivers to operate it you need software, coding, rules to apply to engage in a world that essentially you create having been given a basic profile and tools to interact with the world around you and you begin to pattern recognize on a different level.
So it is very hard to see where the manipulated behavior by social conditioning starts and where internal innate behaviors finish.

This is obviously the stage that gets confusing right! Because as you weave the structure of your player together the sub optimal information works its way into the weave. It is a different colour and becomes noticeable regardless. The information of everything we experience uploads. We have a baseline operating system with certain capabilities to which everything uploads into and is therefore reflected because reflecting information is the job of the machine, that is why it exists. It exists to reflect the Universe so that is can experience itself in all the possible ways it can manifest information into matter.

So when I let go of that ‘need’ to not feel apart from:

When I just do not spend energy on that part that weaved its game board into my life:

When I’m not tossed, lost in the rabbit hole of confusion then this is what I think.

You need to stick with it for a bit to see one of my point. Stick with it if you can.



When Information ‘was’(there never really was a ‘was’ but just for the sake of not twisting our brains too much let’s use ‘was’)

When Information was in its formless state, just pure void of information - static and unmoving- like an intricate fractal pattern of all information so dense it did not reflect at all- and then it moved. The energy of information moving began to awaken formation to the information.
Information started informing itself and so we have the tactile movement of information in form, and information can assemble itself in an infinite amount of ways...
so obviously, the process of existence is a process of information informing itself to gain better ways of processing. This process of informing itself we call evolution. It originally started processing light and dark then it built better receptors and processors to enable itself to store and utilise that information and more. That information comes in all ways through our environment no matter what it is. We respond and change according to the environment. The environment is the drive that keeps the information gaining process alive in living biological machines from frogs to humans.
So we must deduce that the whole point of the universe is to make information into formation, to It being a reflection of Information – Information manifest in form.

So having had the initial spark of life it immediately began to evolve using an information gaining process to upload and utilise it. Which has lead the biological machines to become self aware and self conscious with the ability to use logic to interact in the world so as to be able to create and construct and manipulate information just by thinking.

We have two types of thinking, we have a type of thinking that is driven by the base line coding that enabled the original sensing to differentiate between light and dark, the coding in our DNA that wants us to procreate for the survival. Evolution was never bothered about our feelings everything pre self-awareness arose in us as the mechanism to survive, and along the way we have ended up with interesting bi products of the evolutionary survival process. Pretty flowers, sensual sex, efficient legs for getting food etc. We needed that strong survival coding, the unconscious behaviour to survive and to grow the sensory processor. That is the only mission of the Universe, to experience itself and It is very fastly building an incredible reflection of Itself. The information is assembling faster and faster as it upgrades its processors and sensory receptors.
So now we have the coding deeply entrenched in our biological machine for its survival, it had to have been there to enable us. BUT we or the Universe have now actually built a conscious operating system that can operate itself with awareness. Technically the operating system that depended on the unconscious response to the environment is becoming redundant as our logical processing machine takes this process in evolution to the next stage of evolution for homo sapiens. All the software is still in place for this survival mechanism i.e. the ways we engage in social behavior to increase our ability to belong in the society or the group so that as a group it can survive the elements and procreate and advertise its evolutionary strengths, the indicators which exhibit proof that ‘we’ should carry forward the genes of humanity. But now there is also the cross over with the logic brain and the ability to calculate and decide if we wish to choose to move along that information code and let it animate behavior or not.
Most humans this is what happens unconsciously until we learn how to analyses and realise what it is and why we are propelled unconsciously and process and decide what we wish to do with that reaction. It is the program that runs its program in the background so to initiate the instinctive behavior to compete in the race of getting your genes to move the information forward in the evolutionary push to perceive more with our senses.

So much so that we have built the Hubble Telescope, the Hadron Collider, we have medical machines that can sense in your body that which you cannot even detect with your brain but can still process that information when seen in data to be usable and experienced in a fundamental and integrated way that changes the nature of our existence.
We have extended our senses beyond our body and still experience it within our brain as we processing and project information.

The logic brain works entirely differently from the social brain. It assesses its environment in a totally different way, it interacts with the world in an entirely different way to the social brain. The logic brain looks for patterns to process the sensory input to gain a deeper understanding of it so as to experience the essence of it, to know. The more information it perceives, sees, touches, smells and processes in the brain the more it recognizes and enjoys the experience of knowing. Which bring me again to the point that we are the information gaining process by which the Universe is coming to know Itself by building better and better sensory information processors and conscious awareness to perceive it and experience it, to recognise and appreciate the reflection of the Universe. We are as far as we know the most evolved, complexed biological machines in terms of sensory processing with logical understanding and the ability to take that information and create with it.

It is obvious that evolution is, as usual, pushing forward in its quest for an ever-higher sensory experience to adapt and evolve again to a new and higher level of sensory perception.

So this helps me with my Asperger Syndrome because if I process that neatly and understand it fully then I find my place on Earth.

I can accept my role in this universe and the hardships it brings with it because I know the mechanism that is driving that perception and set of behaviors.

The behavior appears to be malfunctioning because the critical mass needed to tip the weight on the scales enough to integrate that information into DNA so that it has the majority of the population following suit with the behavior patterns in accordance with its evolving logic based rather than social based processor, to now consciously create the environment to suit the newly evolved logical processing ‘unit’ or brain rather than it being, as it has since our existence, shaped by climate changes to which we have responded.
Now the processing unit is influencing the change in climate so it is imposing on itself and so has a turned corner from Climate and the environment changing and causing evolutionary advances in our species to our own species changing the environment and climate to advance itself and simultaneously protect itself from, and now more than ever with space exploration. A subject for another time though is the issue it causes when:
you have the unconscious, social brain gaining information that contains the power to change the environment but the logic brain not yet fully evolved to consciously with self- aware awareness process the information and calculate the outcomes and make those rational decision for the whole rather than the unconscious biological preprogrammed behaviors to climb that social ladder and be the top and prove your genes are the ones to have to enable your genes survival with the shiny stuff that says iv got the goods to have a great time with the Illusion of ego where you will not suffer the impacts and hindrances of the environment.

The behavior appears to be malfunctioning as it must operate over the top of and with the nags and bugs of an obsolete bundle of software still operating in the background and forming the backdrop to play out existence and holding most of the space in the RAM.

So this helps me with my Asperger Syndrome because I feel useful.

Knowing that I can at least psychologically understand the psychological malfunction and the apparent social malfunction as it tries to use Its current software over the top of the unconscious behaviors.

There is still noise created by functions that are still in operation by automatic unconscious patterns of behavior being generated from your very DNA. But they are not productive in extending the life of the species now that we have tipped from changing because of our environment imposing changes on us to being the impact that changes the environment which goes hand in hand with having to make evolutionary changes in the species purely to survive so that it can go on sensing more and more, perceiving more and more, understanding more and more, knowing more and more.

This is all that is happening underneath our illusions of who we are. Un-computable inefficiencies of the social conventions that when followed do nothing but pull on threads that inevitably do not have an end but weave through the illusions and delusions of humanity building endless towers to invisible tops that have no knowing, only endless weaving to create an effective illusion and avatar to interact with each other for no real other reason than to be better than. The reach that unreachable top of most important.. What the f**k is that?!

Without the avatar in the social world it would be a three ring s**t show, the operating system with software that adheres to social conventions for the sake of fitting in with the group does not have a solid rail of truth to orientate to. It only values and so develops an illusion within the group delusions of higher hierarchies, status, where you think you are in amidst the group, you cling to for your survival your ability to continue to have an experience you wish to have. Your worth and importance is all depending on extremely fragile unstable and unsustainable illusions in the form of opinions or projected ideas of people and people perceptions of each other. No one is holding ultimately to Truth using this software and in the realms of social conventions.
There is no solid ground by which you can call zero, a baseline to orientate yourself on, and know with all certainly that your ‘survival’ is not at stake because of a whim of someone with PMS.
In the processing of the social operating system, the social mind, the typical brain it is inherently driven by the need to be accepted by and protected by the group. If it does not feel that fundamental acceptance within its being then it puts hair line fractures in the illusions that we build and believe ourselves to be, those hairline fractures add up and add up and cause psychological suffering.

Personal Solutions:

I think if I can use my awareness to access and notice the points of overlap where my DNA information is feeding me conflicting information with my ‘new’ brain that is has evolved for me/us to use without having to conform to the DNA coded mandatory survival package.
Then I can notice when that software is trying to run and I can manually disengage it and if I can become constant enough at that I should be able to reduce its feedback, if I don’t use it then it will get the message that it is not needed and stop trying to be useful.
If that annoying software could lose its momentum along with actually being unconsciously caught up in believing the illusions that are in place and trying to engage you in that game designed for the social operating system would not take place then you would be free to follow the heightened sensors within your brain, your being, and you can have the space within your processor with you, without the noise or scratch and irritations so to just be fully in the experience of sensing your environment. The survival is now preprogrammed, we know what to do, we know how to get food, we know how to build shelter we know how to play. We don’t need to spend energy on that anymore.
Not using energy to manage your perceptions.. of what you think.. other people’s perceptions are about you.. within an illusion that is just created by a putting in place psychological barriers between people so create a group mental image to then.. all tip toeing around each others feelings about their personal illusions.. based on fallible perceptions which are spread by words and inaccurately portrayed and broadcast with the most minuscule change in tone can completely change the entire meaning of a thing and that groups of people have created with belief to enable them to manipulate each other and use each other to reach an invisible top.

f**k sake ! What the f**k.. and I actually mean What The f**k
( because I have no other word that can accurately express what that means.. Thank god for the f**k word its great describing anything there are no words for.)

Anyway :
Thinking about that three ringed s**t show depletes my energy reserves instantly to 50%

SO now I recognise this attempt of co-operation between the two types of brains, social and logical systems. Recognising that there is nothing really more to understand about it than what I have written above. It’s an endless work to nowhere when energy efficient logic can shortcut the whole process and move in a statistically optimal way through life.
There is not real complexity in the overview of the function of the social conventions, however the intricacies and workings of it all are intricate and complex, but the overall outcome puts out simply: the use of resources to get to an invisible top with an ultimate outcome that is an absolutely unacceptable product.
Just by simple deduction and logic.

As much as you try to find a solid pattern in the workings of the social brain and then trace it to ‘why is it like that and where is it going?’ which leads to an obvious conclusion of ‘ it is utterly unsustainable’ and ‘it will be the utter destruction of humanity’ and certainly not ‘conducive to the survival of the human species’ nor the nature of evolution to gain ever better senses of our environment to experience ourselves as the universe.

The socially dependent operating system does not have its roots in ultimate truth but only in perceptions of each other. This is illusion, it is a reflection a mimic of truth but it is not truth. The first layer in truth, the bridge between the form and formless, you will not find physics there amidst illusion .. you may find a reflection of itself in the projection but it will always be threatened by truth itself.
That entire world is built on mental projections within the brain.
ultimately every perception of senses is in the brain too and experienced with the biological tools that we have. But the non Social, Aspergers brain and as of now in the timeline of the existence of humans - Atypical because of the stats – is geared to sense more but it has not effectively built or evolved the receivers for this sensor input and so given it has some extra tools but has not yet evolved or programmed the ability to process the information or data that is being received and so it overloads as will an electrical circuit with a fuse of 30amp receiving 90 amps.

So I think that one aspect that I attribute to my experience with ASD 1 is that I have very intense times of ‘break downs’ ‘Melt Downs’ and as we know meltdowns happen when there is an overload on our senses. When we sense too much. Sensing is receiving information.
I realise that I do not have the ability to do with that information all that my conscious awareness wants to do with it: see with it, feel with it, hear with it, know with it. But it is not about me, not about the little me that plays the little games to be liked to survive. Surviving is the function that need to happen to enable for us to receive the information reflected by the Universe from the formless into form so that it may experience Itself as us perceiving and experiencing and loving itself. The whole mechanism just wants to love itself. It is a real pity it gets hooked up on loving the illusion instead.

It is all about the ultimate awakening of a new way of perceiving existence and interacting with our environment instead of reacting to it.
It is a way of consciously deciding on a way forward with the goal of keeping the human species alive so that we can sense more, perceive more, know more.
Bring on the electron microscopes, The James Webb Space Telescope. Radio telescopes let us hear what we can’t hear with our ears, see what we can’t see with our eyes but can use our brains to interpret sound waves, the images into readable data that we can understand with our minds and appreciate in experience.


In my experience with Aspergers and my life, trying to force myself to operate by the rules that were not integrated into my personal operating system causes a lot of suffering.
Out of the pressure to comply to the rules as well as understand them is the biggest relief I have found in a realisation. knowing that you are safe and stable on that absolute truth or fundamental limit of our ‘physical’ existence. With the rock of fundamental physics and the laws of logic we can create incredible understanding and connection without the energy consumption of upholding the illusions built of threads that don’t really go anywhere or have current usefulness.

So my current plan of action is to:

Observe and try not to be taken in one way or the other but just to notice where the thresholds are.
Once I can accurately predict the behavior patterns that become unconscious and consume enormous amounts of unnecessary energy then I will as Nisargadatta Maharaj said:

“I will recognise it for what it is and I will immediately discard it”.

(I know it does not actually work like that, but you got to start with the full intention and be happy with the milestones).

I will activate just enough of an avatar to minimise energy consumption that I need to interact with society in general.

I will continuously work on putting myself in an as optimal environment for my processing abilities which is as close to natural nature as possible because Nature is my true nature and I can understand that well.

If I step toward creating the right micro climate within the current environment then I can co exist without complete burn out which will obviously benefit the people around me and give me more internal space to be able to be who I am and share and experience with the people and experiences that I love, which does not leave me depleted of energy and feeling hopeless, inefficient and incomplete.

That is a cool analysis

I too think ASD is of evolutionary benefit, though perhaps not in the sense of an advancement so much as a kind of way of maintaining balance. But you said it better!

TL; DR

Seriously, dude, that is too much to ask a psychologist to read on their own time. They will probably feel legally obligated to read it in case you pose a danger to self or others. Maybe they will find it interesting, maybe not. All I'm saying is, rein yourself in.

(I did not read it, since I do not have any duty to warn or duty to protect.)

If the clinician cares and wants insight into ASD, what was written will be read and be helpful.