Anger

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What do you guys do when you’re angry about something that you can’t resolve - perhaps about something that happened in your past?

I’m struggling with that right now.

I do not know if I can help you. Generally my anger is like a firecracker. I might become very angry very quickly but then just as quickly my anger is gone. I never look back. I rarely rethink my past decisions. I never obsess over the past. So generally anger never stays around long.

Where I come from (ancestrally, culturally, and regionally), if a hurt cannot be resolved, we "stuff it and say 'f*** it'". That is, we internalize the situation, get on with our lives, and never mention or discuss it again.

The hurt still hurts, but we deal with it as a purely personal issue, taking full ownership of it, and not burdening others with it, especially those who were not directly involved in the first place.

I’ve tried that, but it’s not working for me. I’m dealing with the anger in really unhealthy ways.

I was thinking that getting involved in activism might help, but I can’t in my current situation.

I don't always succeed....but I feel like "anger" can be used for a positive purpose. It's the impetus behind getting done what needs to be done sometimes.

I used to be angry, for example, when I had to do a paper for college. What I did: I used that "anger" to try to write the best darn paper I could write.

The same with being an activist. Activists, ideally, use their anger productively. A guy like Thurgood Marshall was a very angry man----but he used that anger productively in the courts to get civil rights stuff done. He was smart when it came to using his anger.

But I can’t really get involved right now. Down the road I’d like to.

During my neuropsychological evaluation, the psychologist asked what anger felt like, and I said it was like a bubble. Well, the bubble has popped. Grrr!

I guess you would have to have grown up in my culture for it to be effective ... sorry it didn't work out for you. Activism? Maybe ... if it's relevant to the cause of your anger ... sure, maybe give it a shot!

Feel it. Let it have its natural life and die naturally, whenever it does. A loss in one area is a gain in another, even if it's hard to see it that way. I try to understand how it helps me understand myself better. Like, if someone hurt me, I can learn more about myself and what I want/need from my reaction. If you expect justice, the anger will keep living unnaturally. There is no justice. Your life is not dependent on this event or how you wish it had turned out. Our lives aren't even dependent on a parent's love. There's a lot we can overcome--life is change, death is changelessness.

I’m trying to feel it but it’s pretty overwhelming. I guess it’ll gradually get better...

I believe there is the possibility of justice sometimes, and redemption as well.

It might not always come to fruition---but at least there is the possibility.

To say that there's "no justice," to me, is a rather extreme position.

What sort of justice do you mean?

My answer is: "Living well is the best revenge." It is surprisingly effective.

I can’t really live well while I feel this way. I’m not sure if I’m looking for revenge either...

That is an interesting question. Is the anger you feel towards someone else or is it towards yourself?

Both and a religious ideology...

Hmm... it’s best to be vague.

I mean...there is a chance to do justice for yourself

And there is a chance for a more objective "justice"---not in the sense of "revenge" per se---but more in proving the naysayers wrong. And in proving to those who oppressed you that you did not give in to them.

I feel like one, sometimes, has to "will" the justice towards them.