My supervisor acted like I can't understand boundaries

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A few months ago,I had gotten an email from a major list serve for everyone from my department. One of the sub-departments was having a baby shower. I had assumed that some of my colleagues were going so I attended. No one from my office was there and I went and met some people who were networks of my supervisor because they do work that my supervisor is familiar with and that I want to do later on. Everyone seemed really nice about me being there and I had even made some new connections. Otherwise, I didn't know anyone in this sub-department.

I had wanted to surprise my supervisor about meeting some of his networks by letting him know that I was impressed with them. That got shot down when he came and asked me in a serious tone whether I had gone to this baby shower which I said "Yes" to. He said that one of his networks them emailed him and said that though they felt like I was a nice person, they were puzzled as to why I was there.

My supervisor, who knows I am in the spectrum told me that next time I get an email with an invite from a sub-department being that I am on the list-serve to ask my other co-workers if that is appropriate or not.

I once recieved an invitation to an office Christmas party my cat's vet was throwing. My boss at the time had annual office Christmas party's for clients so I did not think it so strange to receive an invitation from my cat's vet. They were quite perplexed, however, when I called and told them I wouldn't be able to make it. It turns out the party was for staff and the receptionist had not realized she had accidentally stapled an invitation to the underside of my receipt.

In any event, one reason I think people on the spectrum struggle with things is because I think we tend to categorize more by subject while NTs do so more by social context. The invitation was visible to all but the social context involved the workers in a particular department which you were not part of. Most NTs hate going to small social gatherings where they don't know anyone.

Anyway your boss might have just felt a little threatened by your presence there because he might have felt it made him look bad and he might worry that you might get some connections in high places that disrupts the chain of command, lowers his status and make you competition...because that is exactly how some people rise to the top.

He isn't the boss, he is just a supervisor.

I was very upset that the people at the party where freaking out and were "Puzzled" when I showed up.

I can understand why you would feel that way but it doesn't sound like it turned out all that bad.

I was mad at them for going behind my back and sending an email to my supervisor rather than set boundaries with me and or even ask me what the story was. That in itself was passive aggressive I think

I think you are the best interpreter of this situation as you were the one there.

If they've sent an email out to everyone, that does suggest it's an open invitation to everyone. I mean, unless the context in the email suggested it was only for people in that department, how were you supposed to know it was only going to be a particular group of people?

I guess maybe they did intend for it just to be a certain group, but left it unspoken, assuming everyone would pick up on that, but I think not picking up on that is a faux pas anyone can make. Maybe most people would have maybe gone 'oops, nobody I know is here, I've clearly made a mistake' and leave because they felt awkward, and in that you were a little unusual, but I don't think there was particularly anything 'wrong' about you attending, or that it could be described as 'inappropriate'.

We sometimes have department wide emails sent round about events for specific people (at uni, so usually someone has passed their final viva or maybe it's a retirement party or whatever) and yes, often I think it is unspoken that it's going to be mostly people who know the person the event is for, but it wouldn't be unusual for a few random tag-alongs to turn up (I went to a complete stranger's retirement do a few weeks ago). So I think your supervisor is overreacting by treating you like you did something really weird.

That actually seems kinda rude that they actually went to the trouble of e-mailing him about it. So somebody a little unknown showed up, no big deal.

I will second that, I thought it was cowardly too.