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Olivia_H
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23 Aug 2018, 10:28 am

I appear to lack a filter. It's worse in some situations than others, for example when trying to comfort someone I often say something rude (albeit true) about something involving their situation to attempt to cheer them up as I don't really know any other way to comfort someone without being grotesquely false. To me, it's not rude if it's actually correct.

I actually don't talk to people anymore because of how much it annoys me when said people expect me to lie or cover up the truth to fit their world view or to save their feelings, not to mention how exhausting it gets dealing with people with such, in my opinion, dumb behaviour.

Does anyone else experience anything similar to this?



BTDT
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23 Aug 2018, 10:32 am

Yes, it is a common problem with those on the austism spectrum.



Pieplup
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23 Aug 2018, 10:34 am

Olivia_H wrote:
I appear to lack a filter. It's worse in some situations than others, for example when trying to comfort someone I often say something rude (albeit true) about something involving their situation to attempt to cheer them up as I don't really know any other way to comfort someone without being grotesquely false. To me, it's not rude if it's actually correct.

I actually don't talk to people anymore because of how much it annoys me when said people expect me to lie or cover up the truth to fit their world view or to save their feelings, not to mention how exhausting it gets dealing with people with such, in my opinion, dumb behaviour.

Does anyone else experience anything similar to this?
When a loved one is hurting i just go and akwardly hug them. and say its' going to be all right. Which again isn't false cause it obviously turned out fine in the end. also people don't want a solution when they are upset. Like if you were having a meltdown would you want someone to say. Well if you did x and y then z wouldn't have happened and you wouldn't be doing this. No. They just want sympathy not a solution You don't need to have a filter or lie just be yourself and if they have a probelm with it they probably aren't wrth your unless they are your boss or someone who has power over you; You don't need to accomidate them.


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Chronos
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23 Aug 2018, 12:41 pm

Olivia_H wrote:
I appear to lack a filter. It's worse in some situations than others, for example when trying to comfort someone I often say something rude (albeit true) about something involving their situation to attempt to cheer them up as I don't really know any other way to comfort someone without being grotesquely false. To me, it's not rude if it's actually correct.

I actually don't talk to people anymore because of how much it annoys me when said people expect me to lie or cover up the truth to fit their world view or to save their feelings, not to mention how exhausting it gets dealing with people with such, in my opinion, dumb behaviour.

Does anyone else experience anything similar to this?


I don't lack a filter. When I say something that upsets someone I typically have put a lot of thought in to my words and have been misinterpreted due to differences between how I think and they think.

My mother lacks a filter. She is absent minded in her speech and can't seem to overcome this even though she is aware of it.

Concerning your issues, there are multiple ways to make a true statement. While those on the spectrum tend to prefer the direct route, those who are not on the sprectrum tend to prefer that harsh realities come padded with emotional consideration. I believe that this is because those on the spectrum tend to more often be altruistic and well intentioned while those not on the spectrum are less so, and need it to be demonstrated to them that others are not their enemy and do not have ill intentions.

For example, I can tell my mother flat out that she looks fat in a pair of jeans and she will not take offense because she knows I love her and that my intention is not to hurt her.

I cannot tell most friends and acquaintances that they look fat in a pair of jeans because, despite our previous friendly interactions, people occasionally attack those they were previously friendly with, due to deep seated annoyance, resentment, frustrations, jealousy, etc, and depending on various factors, my friend or acquaintance might interpret my lack of sensitivity as an intentional attack, or a blindness to their emotional state.

I have to be more gentile with them so they know I mean no harm and say something such as "I don't think those jeans are your style" or "I don't think those jeans are very flattering on you".

Because many NTs occasionally are ill intentioned and attack people in some way they were previously friendly with, they are, at a subconscious level, programmed to consider that someone might be attacking them, thus interactions with them must interactions must contain continual microreassurances that you are not attacking them. Smiles. Kind words. Acknowledging emotions. Comforting and so on.