I still feel like a failure

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I just turned 29 and I keep feeling like between the ages of 22 and 26, I haven't achieved much. I have held a part time retail job for 2 years, I passed my driving test in December and had lessons for 3 and a half years prior to that. I passed my practical test after 2 fails and passed my hazard perception test after 13 or 14 times. In between 22 and 26 I was out of work and I keep beating myself for it and that it was all my fault. I wanted to finish my education in at 22 at Uni but I couldn't due to stress and it had to be stopped. At 23, I was still out of work and I had to cope with having to move house to somewhere and maybe I felt I couldn't work while the move was going on. At 24, I was still out work, had a number of interviews that were unsuccessful and attended employment groups. At 25, I still was out of work, I continued to attend employment groups, I did get some job offers but I felt uncomfortable with working somewhere different to where I grew up and so I turned them down. I was always trying to pursue a job somewhere I wanted to work which was like looking for a needle in a haystack. At 26, I was still out of work for a while until I got some work experience and then found and got the job where I am now. But I still feel like a nobody and that I haven't achieved or accomplished much. I don't have a career, I would like write and publish my own book its taken me years to plan it out and changing ideas which is frustrating. I still tell myself 'why didn't I start driving, finishing university, find the job where I wanted to work at 22, 23, 24, 25, 26 and 27 ? I seem to think there are lots of people at those ages who have achieved and accomplished all those those things I mentioned and living very happy and satisfactory, contented lives and successful careers and have lots of time to enjoy life before 30 whereas I feel don't.

Were you on any kind of gov benefits or services I'm NOT judging.
Don't feel bad about not having done much with life cuz we autistics have lots of other stuff to deal with that lots of NTs don't have.

I was born with lots of physical disabilities & I also have lots of mental 1s that can make finding & maintaining employment difficult. I cant drive cuz my vision is too bad & I lived in a rural area with no public transportation so I was forced to rely on my parents to bring me places who griped about needing to be my personal chauffeur. I got on SSI when I was almost 21 after having a mental breakdown over my 1st realtionship ending. I wanted a job repairing computers when I was 19 & took a class in that but realized I didn't know that much & had problems learning a lot of it. I started applying for jobs after but didn't have any luck which probably also contributed to me having the breakdown. It also didn't help that my parents were on my back about me not having a job cuz I was lazy even thou I was going to places every two months & putting in apps for most anything I thought I might could do anywhere my parents felt like they could bring me & pick me up at. Places didn't want to hire me probably partly due to me having no job experience. I'll spare details but my 1st job was a dishwasher at IHOP & after 10 months I was hired at WalMart. I quit 25 months later due to stress & was hired at a local sporting-goods store about 6 months later. I had problems doing certain aspects of the job due to a tremor disorder & tried to get it treated. The meds made me sick & feel like I was having a stroke or something probably cuz my blood-pressure dropped too low. I had tests run to find out what was going on & stayed out of work in the meantime due to not feeling safe. I wasn't considered employed anymore after being out two weeks. They said they would hire me again if I reapplied but I had problems doing certain aspects of the job so I didn't. I haven't worked since & my SSI was switched to Social Security Disability a while later. I kept looking for a job till I got in my 2nd realtionship at 28. I was going to relocate to be with her but she broke up with me after 6 months. I got in my current realtionship about 6 months later & planned to relocate so I didn't apply anywhere. I moved to be with her after about half a year. I haven't looked for a job after I moved even thou I had planned to. I had to adjust, had some medical issues to deal with, & my girlfriend has alot of mental & physical issues that she's dealing with. It's kind of hard to find a job when I'm trying to help support her & she doesn't want me being gone for more than a few hours a day. I also really like being around her aLOT. I've been here almost 6 years now & I'm at the point where I really should look for a part time job so I can still keep my benefits & be around Cass more but we're planning to move in a couple months so there's no point in me looking now. I need to start looking a while after thou cuz we really need the extra money.

for some of us, it takes more than 100% of our energy merely to appear normal, so by dint of this, just being alive for most of a normal earthly term is an accomplishment in itself. some of us have to fight unseen battles that those born under a greater god never have to think about.