Afraid to be judged for doing the way you want

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seems one of the main problems of many aspies to me. I for myself have to get over it in a quite radical way and have to learn to give a sh*t for the opinion of other people especially those who I like. I have to change me extremely. The problem with acting the way that you think that other people want you to be is that you are already unable to recognise what other people would really like you to do if are you are emotionally extremely different. This causes you acting like an idiot and not being liked at all because you are always this sh*tty way. To change myself for this is a hard way to go but at least I have recognised that I have to do so.
I always liked me drunken more than sober because I'm more this way then. I have to be it without alcohol too.

Last edited by quite an extreme on 30 Sep 2018, 12:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Can you only change your behavior to others in a way that corresponds with your natural behavior?

For example, let’s say that a person is upset and wants a hug. If hugs are uncomfortable for you, you could suck it up and do it anyway, or pretend you don’t notice these hug signals from the other person.

I’m suggesting that in this scenario, you could do a third option-acknowledge the other person verbally (“are you okay?” “I’m sorry, that sucks.”) but don’t push yourself to hug them.

I have never really cared a fig for the opinions of others - zum Teufel mit sie!

That said, I enormously regret the death of ideas such as etiquette and chivalry, where concrete rules were laid down for how to act on complicated social situations for the good of all concerned. I still try to observe such rules as best as I can.

I was just thinking about this topic this morning. When I was a child and young adult, I had no individual identity. I acted differently with each person I was with. I could never have more than one person around because I acted differently with each. With time, I have learned more and more about me and overall I mostly who I really am. But when push comes to shove, I need a lot of alone space before I can relax that inner voice judging my behavior by what others might want. That this is still a problem for me was brought home to my on my recent canoe trip: 12 days alone in the wilderness. And I still find myself second-guessing my choices thinking: what would the people on the canoe forum think? Luckily I can laugh at myself.

OP you are correct. You have to figure out and start becoming who you are. Good for you for figuring it out and moving forward.

Over my lifetime I have learned to stand on my own two feet, never accept anything as set in stone but look for the ultimate truth, test everything, consider everything and not accept anything at face value. That is one of the key elements in defining a non-conformist.

Our wretched species is so made that those who walk on the well-trodden path always throw stones at those who are showing a new road. - Voltaire

Not all those who wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life. - Winston Churchill

Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I think I have to.


I'm unable to recognise such signals because I have a lack of the related emotions. It's on me to decide to do it or not. I wished I had hugged someone who is upset with me yesterday instead of caring that she possibly wont like it and not doing it. Things wouldn't be worse if I had done it but may be it would have repaired something.
I have to follow much more my initial natural impulses instead of being adapted once I'm near any other people.
Either they accept me or they don't like me. But I have to stop this 'not even trying to find out because they may become upset with me' way of acting.


That's one of the problems even if it's not mine. I'm nearly always acting the same but mostly adapted and nearly never in a natural way - except drunken. But I'm accepted much better if I'm drunken. I think it's the same if it comes to you. Let other people adapt to you and be your own. I think you'll be accepted much better. And the problem of having more than only one person around you is solved forever. You don't have to adapt at all.



I'm also this way except if it comes to act with other people. But I'll change this now. NT people are much better in adapting than me and most of them enjoy to adapt. But most of them also enjoy unadapted people and like them even more then to much adapted people because they are much less boring. I have to force myself to be much more the unconventional guy that I am. Most of the conventional behaviour of people bores me to death. I'll treat it as a game now to become much less adapted and to get over this dumb caring about all rules that is only an artifical limit in my brain.