losing autism

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I don't really know what to title this post. I haven't been on in a while.
I see a therapist for anxiety. Anxiety is worsening. But as that is treated too much of even the positive things about autism (formerly Asperger's) go away. I hate it because I feel like I don't know me anymore. I do feel like there are some positive things because of how autism and personality intertwine. I don't think they can be separated completely. I want myself back.

I don't feel I have any general anxiety. But more like I have phobias about a couple of topics.

Can't I stay myself as those are treated?

I also deal with learning disability, fibromyalgia, epilepsy, and cognitive dysfunction. And I left a message with my doctor saying that Buspirone is making my anxiety worse and my thoughts too fast.

I don't think there is anything anyone here can do or tell me. I just wanted to vent.

Vent away.

Medication for one thing can effect several others. It is quite a thing how changing one chemical in our body can make such a difference. Our bodies and the way we react are complicsted.

Seems like you are looking for stability, and I fully understand that.

I hope I will feel better when off this medicine.
Autism was so intertwined with personality I don't know who 'myself' is without it. And therapy for phobias that I have started keeps changing the level of autism I feel.

I can understand that.

I am on the waiting list to be assessed, which in parts of the UK could be from a few months, to many years of waiting depending on where one lives.

But something that I started to puzzle about while coming on this site initially just to ask a question... Which led to questions after questions... Well I came on to ask about an experience I was having which I foundout were shutdowns... But I also doscovered that many aspects of my character were autism traits and I didn't know. I never knew or even considered it. I just had assumed they were part of my rather unique character.
So to learn they were also autistic traits were a bit of a shock.
Ok.I do not know if I am on the spectrum or not. That will wait until I am assessed. I maybe a BAP who is someone who has traits but not enough to be on the spectrum? Who knows!

But I had questioning as it is difficult to work out what is ones individual character, and what is due to autism? How can one start to seperate the two? Is it possible? Who knows!

Good luck with the assessment. You know your body best.

You are learning and changing the way that you are anyway your whole life. Just try to keep it in the right direction because in the end you have to like yourself for the way that you become.

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I am as I am. Life has to be an adventure!