HOW be when to smile?

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Serious replies only. I need to know exactly how and when to do it. My sister told me to just “smile a lot” at school. So I sat in class smiling the entire class and everyone thought I was crazy. I also tried just walking alone smiling- I think that was wrong too. How and when do you do it? Thank you.

So you're saying you smiled all during class and people thought you were crazy--I'm picturing something like this:



DON'T force it. Like love or farting, it doesn't work forced, and you'll end up lonely or laundering. You'll do fine.

I smile:

When I'm around people I like
When I work customer service, though I prefer a little more businesslike demeanor
When I read the manuscript of that romance novel I'm writing!
while watching comedy movies, especially those of Harold Lloyd (who I think was autistic in real life and sometimes on screen)
When I read a good book,
Listen to some certain records,
Hear a joke I get,
That sort of thing.

I hope you get some serious replies, but honestly, it might be worse for you if you overthought it. I used to never smile because I worried people would think I was a creep. It's fine. Who cares what they think, whether you smile or not.

Smiles are generally best when they're brief. One or two seconds is enough. You can smile often in a row, but generally a smile must be re-prompted by the events/words/people around you.

When to smile has many variations, and that also varies a lot by culture. I'm in the US. I'm going to assume that you are too, but if you are not, then you will need better advice from someone in your own area. In other cultures, Americans are often seen as smiling too often.

The following examples are typical examples of when to smile:

When meeting someone and saying hello
This also often involves repeated smiling. For instance, Tom might say, "Hello," to Jenny, and she will say, "Hello," back. The two may smile at this point. When they say, "I'm Tom/Jenny," then this can be another moment for a smile.

Moments of similarity
People will also often smile in response to liked information, and when a similarity is shared.
For instance, say Tom has a cat, and Jenny is pleased to learn this. She might respond, "You have a cat?" Then give a smile to show that she is pleased. Perhaps, the smile is held a little longer than usual, as it's okay to maintain a smile while speaking to say something like, "I do too, and she's a Siamese."

When exchanging a polite phrase
If someone says "thank you" or "you're welcome," then smiling is often done.
In the case of thanking, it's to show appreciation.
In the case of acknowledging the thanks, then it's done to be friendly, and to show that the task was not burdensome to you.
If someone says "Welcome, come on in," then smiling is often done for the same reason: to convey that your presence is wanted, and not a problem.

But it's a complicated subject, smiling. People do it very often and in a multitude of situations. Giving advice on exactly when to do it is difficult. However, the general rule is that a smile is given to indicate friendliness when it might not definitely be perceived.

For instance, if you say "you're welcome" with a flat expression to a stranger, then they might not understand that you are trying to be polite, and saying what you mean. Instead of understanding, the person might think that your expression looks annoyed. A resting expression can be interpreted negatively. Thus, the interpretation could become that you were annoyed by having to do whatever task you were just thanked for doing.

To learn more about when people smile, I suggest that you study movies and television shows which have friendly interactions. Even the show literally titled "Friends" might be enough of a case study. I'm not saying to watch that one specifically, as I don't like it myself, but I'm giving it as an example. Any show or movie which shows modern people living their daily lives would work. The point is to watch for smiles and what prompted them. After all, what you are watching is NTs literally showing you how to fake nonverbal signals -- that's the essence of every movement they make while on camera. They are trying to use their movements, including smiles, to portray how their characters feel via nonverbal communication.

But the basic concept behind it all is that when you smile, then other people are giving you a reason to smile in specific interactions, or else you are pleased about something. For example, if you smile at random then someone might ask you why you smiled. There's in inherent idea of cause and effect.

So, a smile is nonverbal communication that conveys your own friendliness or happiness. "Smile a lot" only means to smile when it would be socially appropriate to, to indicate friendliness or when you are pleased by something, but to do so at a frequent rate throughout your day/interactions.

Constant smiling -- without reason or pause -- can be seen as manic, false, and emotionally unstable. This is because no one believes that people are happy every single second of the day. Someone who "smiles all the time" would only be a person who smiles at a high rate, for example. This goes back to needing a reason to smile.

In fact, truly constant smiling is often used to portray creepy characters in films. For instance, there's a line in the (2004) Stepford Wives movie about it, and that's a movie with a horror twist:

I think most people just want to feel acknowledged. Try smiling when you see someone you know from across the room. Just make a brief grin and then go back to normal. This usually works for me.

Sociologists also suggest a small eyebrow raise:


On an unrelated note...