Lonely

Post Reply New Topic

I'm lonely guys. No one wants to be friends with me or be around me. I'm not sure whether it's the Autism or if it's just me... I'm a confident guy, happy and always looking out for others. That's me, I don't pretend to be something special but I don't think I'm a bad person. I hate being alone, it's like I'm a disease and everyone avoids me.
You guys relate to this too or is it just me?

The feeling of loneliness is a common problem among Aspies.

The root cause is probably due to stress and trauma that you experienced over your lifetime starting with infancy. It has a cumulative effect. "After becoming traumatized, a child’s relationship with his or her body often becomes formless, chaotic and overwhelming; the child loses a sense of his internal structure and nuance. As the body freezes, the “shocked” mind and brain become stifled, disorganized and fragmented; they cannot take in the totality of experience and learn from it. These children, who have become “stuck” at some point along a once meaningful and purposeful course of action, engage in habitually ineffective and often compulsive patterns of behavior." Peter A. Levine.

For me, it halted my progression up the stages of childhood development. Here I am 70 years old but inside I am still in my "Please Four" stage of childhood development. Since you said "I'm a confident guy, happy and always looking out for others. That's me, I don't pretend to be something special but I don't think I'm a bad person." So perhaps you are still a child deep inside. This is not a bad thing but rather a very good thing.

You have learn to search eye contact, develop positive emotions towards other people and be aware of the empathy of other people.

All people on this spectrum are quit differently and without knowing you and your special problems it's hard to say what is wrong with you. Most aspies have either an anxiety disorder, are to emotional or have a lack of emotions and for this also a lack of empathy for the missing emotions or they have a mix of all that. The causes are partional genetically and partional the result of a really bad treatment as a child.

My opinion: The nongenetic causes are mostly self protection mechanism that really small children develop, i.e. unconscious self protection movements or skip feeling attraction to people or just stop to feel empathy because it always caused a really bad feeling. It's quite hard to get rid also of the nongenetic problems but it's sometimes possible after recognising the reasons. Just read my post on the following page viewtopic.php?f=3&t=368640&start=15#p8024570 and watch the videos of Prof. Tony Attwood which are linked here viewtopic.php?t=368816 .

Yes I can, it's not just you. I'm three times your age, but this is always something that haunts. Due to repeated problems, even when things are going well I have paranoia in the back of my mind.

You may be something special, but never underestimate the power of being "weird." The problem with us Aspies is that we don't really ever understand what others perceive as "weird." It just seems to happen. It's quite interesting being able to have mastery over immense troves of information or technology, but be so hopelessly blocked when it comes to interpersonal communication.

Loneliness goes with the Aspie territory. We have to treat ourselves gently, understand our limitations, and try to place ourselves in the best of situations while trying to avoid the really bad ones.

Thanks for sharing guys, it's good to know we're all in the same boat here. Loneliness can be soul crushing at times and I'm sorry you guys go through it as well! I didn't want to say - I guess I was embarassed - but I am still fairly childlike inside. I guess that's a part of the autism keeping me young inside and mentally. I still feel like I'm seven rather twenty one, and in the past when I've had chances of making friends I usually say something wrong or end up being teased when they work out that I'm - different.
It's funny isn't it how I'm able to do restoration work on a car and yet I can't even understand communication with another being... It's no wonder my relationships don't work out either. I'm currently seeing a woman and I can only hope it goes well this time.

I wrote a little bit in the following thread viewtopic.php?t=368901 today.
Hope it helps you to understand your problems and to get more easily rid of them than me.

Thanks buddy . I'll read it now.