I hate having Aspergers at times

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I try and maybe try too hard to be like everyone else whether its a work or out in town around other people. I always watch their body language and mannerisms and I hate it when for example something happens at work whether there's a difficult situation with a customer and I get a bit panicky and feel like I don't know how to resolve the situation without the help of my manager or supervisor and feel like a completely useless idiot and waste of time in front of people and makes me feel like I angry with myself that I can't do and that everyone else can do it. I also angry with myself when I struggle to find a way to start a conversation with for example a girl I like. I once tried to talk to this girl on the plane back from Rome but I didn't know how to start it and I felt like a freak when I introduced myself to her at the terminal and I think she was freaked out and didn't see her again. I was really annoyed and frustrated with myself for it. I never really had a girlfriend only been friends with girls and once when I heard someone I like was going out with someone else I got upset and freaked her out and stopped talking to me online and even the person she went out with called me a 'fantasist' and now I hate myself for over reacting and behaving in that way.

You are entirely allowed to feel that way, but know;
You aren't useless
You aren't a waste of time
You have your own strengths and abilities, you don't have to be like everyone else to succeed.

You’re pretty cool, Chris

If I didn't have Aspergers Syndrome or Bipolar Disorder by now I could be driving and living in my own place and working any job I'd like instead of staying home with my Mom and brother all the time and living off of an SSI check that I am not even allowed to have unless I have a payee. I might even have friends and a family of my own.

And I worry every day about what is going to happen to me once my Mom passes away. I guess it's a choice between having my other brother or sister own me for the rest of my life like she did or living as a homeless person who cant be in control of his own disability benefits.