Total Sensory Overload Yesterday

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My family (wife and kids) and I were invited over to one of our kids's classmate's houses for a birthday party. We had been there once before during this last summer. I had met both parents a few times prior to yesterday's party. There were approximately 15 kids at the party. It was raining outside so the kids had to play in the house the entire time. We were there from 5pm-8pm.

The mother is really into essential oils and had diffusers on around the house. I'm sensitive to smells, but it wasn't too bad since I believe the oils were naturally derived. If instead, she had chemical fragrance diffusers in the same concentration, my nose would have been running the entire time.

During that time I spent most of the time talking with father of the house in the kitchen, first standing, then sitting at the table. He's a bit younger than I am, but we both work in the broad category of finance and sales. He's a very nice person and I was able to maintain eye contact at a comfortable level, express myself facially (rather than "stone face"), etc. We didn't have any trouble conversing with each other and we found the topics to be mutually interesting. My wife stayed in the living room with the other Moms the entire time.

With all of that said.........the 15 kids were playing games like "nerf" gun fights, capture the flag, tag, etc throughout the house. Collectively their voices and screams were at times, piercing. I "rolled with it" the best I could and I think I did a good job overall. I was less able to focus the later the night wore on to where sometimes based on the volume and my brain being fried to where I could only see the Dad's mouth moving and I could not understand him. I tried very hard to separate out and not focus on the volume level of the children. It did not seem to bother any of the other parents except for cake and ice cream time when some of the kids were literally screaming: "SUGAR!! !" in unison so loudly that the Mom of the house hollered: "QUIET!! !! !!" You know when something is so loud your eardrums just vibrate and sound like a high pitched kazoo? I did feel a few times during those overwhelmingly loud instances where I wanted to yell out: "STOP!! !!".

A complicating issue for me is that I have tinnitus and when I'm in loud environments, the perceived ringing in my ears is more pronounced afterward for a time. I refer to that as my ears being "shredded".

My wife and I took separate vehicles to the party and I left solo to drive back home. I put these on in the car:

as I have a pair of them in the vehicle at all times as well as other similar pairs at home. I wanted nothing more at that moment but to be sitting in a chair at home, hugging a pillow and rocking back and forth. I found myself on the drive home repeating out loud: "It's Ok, It's Ok, It's OK....."

I got home before the rest of my family and I absolutely kept my "cans" on my ears anticipating our own kids would still be excessively loud and excitable. I did rock back and forth in the chair with a pillow, I told me wife I needed quiet time and the kids went to bed.

This morning my wife said she's never seen me that bad before.

I did enjoy talking to the other Dad, and I know my wife and kids had a very good time, so there were positives that i'm focusing on. I'm still a bit frazzled today, but I think I'm recovering quickly.

This sounds very familiar. I can't deal with that kind of noisy chaos or focus on anything else while it's happening. And even at an all-adult social gathering, I usually end up talking to just one or two per the whole time. For me, that's the limit if socializing.

Magna, it sounds like you did an excellent job of meeting this social challenge, but I would suggest and support you in considering your own needs a little more.

Since both you and your wife drove, you could have left the party earlier. Feel free to use a social lie such as "I have a splitting headache" (which was not very far from the truth) and depart the scene earlier.

When you said you were there three hours, I thought "wow, too long."

15 kids... Dear God.

I'm getting anxiety right now just thinking about that kind of craziness.

That sounds really challenging! It sounds like you coped really well, though I agree with BeaArthur, maybe leaving earlier would be a good plan for another similar situation.

I also have kids and an invitation to a party of around 20 4/5 year olds coming up in a fortnight. I can already feel myself beginning to freeze inside. That's the only way I can deal with it. I just hope that no adults want to talk to me and my child doesn't need me too much (though he has ASD traits and we are in limbo at the moment over whether or not he will receive a diagnosis; so I can forsee a few breakdowns either there or afterwards).

There are so many interactions that you cannot avoid as a parent. I find it unbearable at times.

Bea. Thank you for your support and your suggestion. Both mean a lot to me. Although I enjoyed talking with the other Dad, I was starting to think about halfway through how I could extricate myself from the kitchen and go into the living room to make eye contact with my wife and give her a telepathic "I want to go!! !!" but he kept on talking. I've always had great difficulty identifying when I can jump in without interrupting the other person. In my logical mind, a person should speak for a time and then very obviously stop talking so the other person can start talking. I think NTs can identify micro-pauses. I can't.

Finally, one of the kids apparently got hurt in another room and that was my opportunity. I went into the living room, locked eyes with my wife, put my hand on her back and squeezed hard to indicate "I am so done!".

I will definitely continue to drive separately and use the excuse of having to let our dog out next time a similar event comes around.

Thanks everyone for your support.

I wish you the best, Oakling! One of our kids has ASD traits as well. As the party went on I could tell he was not having as much fun as the other kids. He was drained and they play wasn't always going in ways that he thought was fair. He said it was way too loud for him.

This is one of the many reasons why I don't want to ever have kids. This reminds me of going to my grandparents for special occasions like Christmas or Easter. The kids would be loudly acting crazy & my aunt would be making even more noise than them by screaming at them to quiet down or behave. I would mostly just keep to myself & talk to others if they talk to me. That's how I am in most social situations. Few people would talk to me & I was quiet most of the time unless I was hyper for some reason which was only a few times(I think due to meds I was on), then I would cut others off & finish other peoples' stories.

I think you handled things a lot better than I would of Magna & I congratulate you.

Thanks, Nick.