When upset not wanting to be touched

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It happened again last night and I feel so bad for it. I was upset by my own thoughts and my husband reached over to hug me and I had a sudden reaction to push him away because when I'm upset I don't like being touched. Of course he had no clue what was going on. I'm not sure where this reaction comes from or what to do about it but I just know I don't like physical contact when I'm upset.

I think it comes from feeling like you have no (or less) boundaries when dealing with a lot of sensory stimulation. And if you're upset you feel vulnerable, so you want more boundaries, thus being touched is harder to deal with. I can relate.

If I feel sad, a sincere, heartfelt hug will make me feel better. However, I don't like being touched in a patronizing manner when I'm upset and I don't like people saying that "It's okay," when it clearly isn't. Also, light touch can sometimes make me feel annoyed.

Because you have enough going on to make unwelcomed input extra.

Personally I can't stand being touched at all.

Sometimes when I'm upset I only want to be touched in specific ways. Like, firm pressure is reassuring but light touches are awful, and some parts of my body feel horrible if touched while others are ok. I've found that if I tell my partner that I've become touch sensitive, and I've let him know that it's a me thing and not because of anything he did, he appreciates knowing what I need, i.e. not to be touched in that moment. As long as I can still communicate about it, to tell him which touches are bad THIS time, I think he kinda thinks it's cute now?

But yeah, I almost hit a therapist once for touching my hand when I was shut down in her office, and I spent a few years with my partner in crazy escalating crises whenever I got upset because I didn't understand how I worked, including the touch sensitivity when upset.

This is how it is for me when I have a meltdown. Mum always wants to hug me or hold my hand and I don't want that. Because of the extra simulation when I'm already dealing with too much. Or she rubs my hair/back which I'd never want her to do.
It's hard to set boundaries around this stuff without hurting feelings isn't it?

I most often do not like to be touched especially from the neck up.

I do not like to be touched by anyone at all, except when I initiate a full, tight hug. Also I occasionally would ask my mother to give me a very deep, firm back massage.

There are certain people who know of my touch sensitivity (and whom I've told countless times to not touch me), but they think it's fun to see my reactions. I tell myself to ignore them and not give them anything to laugh about, but I inevitably switch into fight or flight mode and sometimes people get hit. I only feel mildly badly about that.

It happened to me last week with a friend. One night we were on the beach and just for laugh gave her my arm to walk arm-in-arm. From then on, she became so touchy and invasive. When I'm sad it makes me feel really uncomfortable, and it is really difficult to explain